We innately don’t like strangers
Being bullied
Last year I got into an argument with a Pune Municipal Transport’s (PMT)bus conductor. I had forgotten my phone in the bus and realized it only when I was half way from the town center and the factory I was consulting at. Upon reaching the factory, I borrowed a colleague’s phone and rang mine. The person at the other end told me that he found the phone in the bus and asked me to come and pick it up ASAP. I agreed and hung up.
At the bus depot, I get asked a series of questions, to verify that I was the owner of that really old, almost broken phone. I answer earnestly and then seeing a satisfied look on this man’s face, extend my hand for the phone. He pockets the phone and says, “Give me a reward of Rs. 100.”
I got in to an argument about the subtle extortion from his end. Soon, we were surrounded by couple of other PMT employees, who butted in and asked what the problem was. I felt relieved that there was someone who could reason with the man who demanded money to return something that was mine to begin with. However, he didn’t take my side. In fact, none of them did. They all sided with their colleague, even though they knew what he was doing was wrong. (Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think the reward wasn’t in order and I had all intentions to give him the money. But when he pocketed the phone and demanded the money, it seemed less altruistic and more extortionist.)
Finally, I gave up and told the man that he could keep my phone and also explain to the cops how he happened to have it in his position. At this, he throws my phone back at me and yells at me in Marathi (the local language) to get lost. I had gotten what I had come for and so I happily left. But, on the way back I got thinking.
People care less about right or wrong. People care about being included in a group more. Being a part of the herd. Being one of the guys (or girls). It doesn’t matter if your fellow group member is doing something that is morally or ethically crazy. But, if you want to continue being a part of the pack, you dare not take the other person’s side. Specially, if that other person is an outsider.
In-Group Bias
It was much later, I read about the In Group Bias, also known by variant names like, in-group-out-group bias, in-group favoritism or inter-group bias, that explained this behavior common to most of us. In Group bias is cognitive bias where people give higher preference to others who are in their group rather than outsiders.
This has its roots in our evolutionary history. As hunter-gatherers and then early settlers, we lived in small bands or groups. This was our support network and could be counted upon. A face that wasn’t familiar was a threat or competition. With limited resources, sharing them with outsiders meant less for yourself and your family. And it often meant fighting to preserve your right over the land, the kill or the women. And so, we have developed an innate tendency to like, favor and prefer the company of people we know over strangers.
That was the Savannah, but it still happens today
Ever been the new kid on the block or school or the football team? Ever attended a meeting at work, where you are disliked just because you are from another division or function? I used to be a compliance auditor for one of my employers and my team and I were just treated with that subtle disdain — where you could literally hear the people think, “shush, here comes the a*hole!”.
Think about how the inner circle of the top echelons of most organizations form and why it consists of mostly the proverbial old white men.
The new guy is not one of us. Not trustworthy. Not good. Not as hardworking. Not as smart or intelligent. He’s just different from the rest of us. And for that, he can never be one of us!
Originally published on January 20th, 2013
If you like this archived post, please clap or share it with others if you think they’ll enjoy reading this.
Futred/In Workshops LLP was a training company I used to run a few years back. It no longer is operational and neither is the site.
