Mom once told me: “People like you should live in an aquarium”
People are fragile creatures.
We fight our battles as though there is no tomorrow. How often do you stop to look around and see how much damage you caused? First and foremost to see is how much damage you have caused to yourself.
I am a 27-year-old woman who has lost more than half of my hair. It happened because of stress. I was worried too much about things that don’t matter now.
When you are in the moment, there is no tomorrow. There is just now and this now hurts. So, what the hell? I cry out all the pain I feel and all the hatred I have for the circumstances, for myself and for my poor decisions.
How often are you being too hard on yourself? I was blaming myself, thinking that everything (or almost everything) that happened to me was my fault. It was my usual routine. I thought I was being responsible by taking all the responsibility but I was wrong.
I may be responsible for the shit I am going through, but so are the people involved, the circumstances, and the God in whom I don’t believe.
And I agree with you, Scully. Not everything is about me, indeed.
Recently, I went to a doctor hoping to figure out my hair problem and hoping I could revive it. She asked lots of questions and made notes. After the examination, she was explaining to me what went wrong and why. I listened and at some point, I noticed that I began crying. She noticed that as well, obviously, and told me, “If you keep worrying, I won’t say a word anymore,” so I said, “Yes, I’m sorry, keep on.”
At that moment, I tried to put myself together, because what the hell?
Why was I being such a crybaby?!
It angered me because nothing was okay about it. It was stupid to cry over hair. But, was it just the hair I was weeping about?
No, I don’t think so.
I was pitying myself.
I was ashamed.
You got yourself into such a state. For years, you have been anxious about all the things that don’t matter and see where you ended up. That’s what I had been telling myself the whole hour at the doctor’s office. I was hard on myself, punishing myself for being a human.
Forgiveness. That’s what a lot of us need. First of all, we need to forgive ourselves. Forgive the mistakes we’ve made, forgive the imperfectness, forgive the ups and downs. Allow yourself to be a human being; it’s all just different sides of life.
Give yourself a slack, take it easy. The road of life may be long and wavy and you don’t want to be bold for the whole journey, unless of course you do.
