The 3 L’s of a Happy Life
The day after the day I realized I was unhappy. If you crave a little (or a lot) more happy in your life…
It wasn’t really the day after, but it started unfolded the day after the day I realized I was unhappy.
Before the day I realized, my regular daily mantras were something like “I am so stressed right now”. Or “I can’t make another decision tonight, today was just too overwhelming”. Or the ever popular “No, I can’t”.
The day I realized I was actually, truly, down to my core unhappy, the words were in my head, out of my mouth and glowing like a neon sign. “I don’t want to feel this way anymore.” I realized that I had too much good in my life to spend so much time focusing on the bad. The bad simply had to go.
It took some time. A lot in fact. And I was particularly blessed because I have people in my life, really good people, who said “YES” when I said I want to be happy again.
What I have opened myself up to is so much more than I ever imagined, ever knew I could have. If you crave a little (or a lot) more happy in your life, here are 3 L’s that will help to bring it.
Live
No, not like ‘be alive’. If you are reading this, it’s a safe bet that you are alive. ‘Live’ as in “live in the moment”. When I was unhappy, I was in a constant state of duality. My body was going through the motions of one activity while my mind was contemplating or planning the next…and the next…and the next. By the time I crash-landed in bed for the night I had not a clue how I actually felt about anything I had done that day.
So live in the right now. Pay attention to what you are doing, why you are doing it and how it feels. If you are working, why? How do you feel when you are doing it? If you don’t like the answers, that’s a place you need to make a change. Same with exercise, TV, socializing, whatever. Why? How do you feel?
Listen
There are two huge voices in life. Yours, and everyone else’s. Unhappy people are generally listening to everyone else, but not themselves.
If you can’t hear your voice it might be because of all the construction noise in your head. Imagine a street-crew jack hammering concrete, a back-hoe dragging and dumping huge chunks of roadway. People yelling to be heard over all of the commotion. The bedlam goes on and on all day. When the crew finally finishes the shift, the jack hammers stop. The back hoe stops. The yelling stops. The quiet is more than just quiet. It’s miraculous. It’s sublime. It’s better than NY bagels and fresh coffee. It’s clarity.
It’s important to realize that there are jack hammers and back hoes and screaming voices in your head. The noise comes in the form of work, family, household, local news, world news, environment, finances. The difference is, you are the shift boss. You control how much, how often, and just plain how.
Listen to the voice in your head. If you can’t hear it, you need to turn some of that other crap off. Make time and space to pause. Often. Not just at the very end of the day when all you want to do is lose yourself in an episode of Ozark and fall asleep hard. Pause. Now, can you hear your voice? What is it saying? Ask yourself some really important questions and really listen to the answers:
- What makes you smile? Make a list. How many items on that list are part of you every day? How big a part? You should spend more time doing things that make you smile than things that make you grind your teeth.
- Are there small changes you can make to become healthier? Make a list. From there, you are set to pick one at a time to incorporate into you life. Just like that, a step toward more happy.
- What do I give away? Studies prove that giving makes us happy. The best part is that giving can take on many different forms. Find ways to give time, gratitude, energy. It doesn’t have to be money. You don’t have to buy anything.
Love
Saying “I love you” came late in my life. It just wasn’t something we said much at home. I think it actually took my parents by surprise when, as an adult, I started ending phone calls with “I love you”. Love in and of itself doesn’t make happy. But the flow of love generates hope, confidence, comfort, and strength. It starts with the words. Who do you love? Tell them, right now. Then, tell them often. Get over feeling weird about it.
Bonus L…
Laugh
Laughter is free medicine. Laughter actually effects your brain…creates those awesome endorphins we so love. It’s really hard to be mad or stressed when you are laughing out loud. Want a great laugh right now? Search medium.com for articles tagged “funny”. One of my favorite follows is Awful Pictures. Or, this one from Tommy Paley made me laugh out loud on an airplane the other day (uh, sorry other passengers who were trying to sleep).
Claps are a way of sharing happy. I hope you’ll give me a clap. But either way, I’m happy to share on medium with you!
Here are links to a couple of my articles about living a happy and balanced life:
