Lavastories
We’re all equal before the white ceramic, even U.
And we all thank heaven as soon as we spot the famous pictograms.
There’s a place at airports we don’t read very much about despite its crucial role in our travels. No doubt your feet already took you behind these doors where releasing a distended bladder makes one feel like in paradise…
Yes, we’re all equal before the white ceramic and we all thank heaven as soon as we spot the famous pictograms. Still, in the rush, do no neglect the yellow plastic trestle at the entrance. I disregarded once the slippery floor advice at Heathrow resulting in an unorthodox Swan lake ballet in front of amused passengers. Note it may also indicate that cleaning is on progress requiring that you keep control on your sphincter muscle for additional minutes.
I heard that lovely voice…
Reason why I recommend avoiding procrastination while travelling: use the first available restrooms and limit diuretic beverages before taking an aircraft. I remember the day I played that postponing game confident I would manage the two hours flight ahead without leaving my seat. This was without reckoning the four green teas I sipped and people queuing on-board. As my lower belly was about to explode and the green light finally announced free loos I heard that lovely voice: « We just started our descent. Lavatories are now out of service… ». In other terms: « Defueling is no longer possible ». My forehead still perspires when I think back to these endless minutes.
Back on earth. Once entered the airport’s lavatories, men (1) usually have a panoramic view on sinks and urinals. Would you decide to go for the latter instead of closed toilets, there’s usually only one left: the one close to the door or next to a sink(2)…
Trying to hide the escaped reptile
Of course, designers will state that intimacy is preserved by partitions which in practice are so low they only prevent your neighbor from watching your knees. You then become a contortionist trying to hide the escaped reptile under the pressure of half a dozen people dancing the salsa behind you. Maybe an explanation for accidental spills by people who, yielded to that stress, move their teapot away from the cup before the end of the service…
The fascinating world of bathroom taps
Job done, you feel like a chick hung under an helium balloon and literally float to the sinks. Time for hand washing. This is where your blissful face reflecting in the mirror turns to circumspection. Welcome to the fascinating world of bathroom taps and soap dispensers you never know how to operate: push button, infrared or tactile sensors, foot controlled, etc. You can also expect the unexpected with hand drying : paper rolls always jammed or ended when it’s your turn, folded sheets with yours dragging the whole pile down on the floor, air dryers with infrared only detecting other people’s hands and last generation air blades which hygiene aspect convinced me until I noticed all the hair stuck inside the device: yuck!
Now the next challenge is to leave the area. I’m not bacterophobic but not keen either to seize the door handle with my just disinfected hands. Traveller tips: wait until someone leaves or comes in, but forget about using your elbows or any other subterfuge obliging you to stand behind the door. Unless of course you’re looking for unconventional and rapid nose plastic surgery.
How ungrateful we are to this place, the one we blessed minutes ago
Now, let’s be honest. Everything vanishes as soon as we slip through the doorway, back in hustle and bustle, a deceptively relaxed look on our face just like if we left a shameful place: « Me? In there? no, I entered by mistake … just visiting ». See how ungrateful we are to this place, the one we blessed minutes ago when we had to get there in emergency, almost falling on our knees in front of the divine apparition…
The question is whether you’ll go to the bathroom after you read these lines. Just picture the sweet gurgling of a fountain…
(1) I leave the door with the pictogram wearing a dress and subsequent investigations to a female peer since I do no plan to visit all airports’ police stations just for your entertainment.
(2) To avoid confusion: urinals do not have soap dispensers.
