I got out of the hospital 2 weeks after my stroke in October
Travel Insurance is cheap — you never know what’s going to happen
It was Istanbul where the Muslims, without fail, are very kind to invalids
Had to stay in an airport hotel for 2 days while i got my credit card unblocked - i had let so much slip while in hospital
Then I flew to England
I was still on a crutch and my whole right side was pretty much dead
I was not yet used to moving around much
I was at the airport
And made my way to the gate
With my backpack and crutch and a bag of duty free
Fucking hard work walking to the gate, i was in tears
A woman asks me if i was going to be ok, "i think so" i sobbed, but it would have been more correct to say "i hope so"
I go through the gate and am waiting for the bus to the plane
My backpack slips off my shoulder
And im trying to control 3 things with my left hand
In tears at how hard it seemed my life will be
Sobbing, i put everything down
And try to get a grip on myself with some Systema breathing- its a bit like the breathing they teach pregnant women for giving birth
Its impossible to put a backpack on with one arm paralyzed
The bus arrives and everyone but me gets on
They are all watching me struggle with my backpack
Eventually i put the backpack down, cursing at it through the mucus and tears — fuck fuck fuck yoouuuuuu
And then i am inspired somehow, I think the cursing helped
In one smooth movement, I pick the backpack up with my left hand, toss it in the air, and at its peak, i lunge to throw my dead arm through the shoulder strap, catching the bag on my shoulder on the way down
Olympic level spastic acrobatics
I got a round of applause from the people in the bus
It just made me cry more
I got to the pane and stayed on the tarmac sobbing uncontrollably until i got a grip
At that point i had little progress
But was so determined to continue living and travelling
I got through it
I swallowed my pride and started asking for help when i needed it
A week later i was walking without crutches
A week after that i started getting movement in my arm
There was a Tajikistani surgeon i would talk to in the cafe at the hospital
He said that the people that survive are the ones that don’t give up
3 months later, I’m doing well, and still confident of a full recovery
Progress is slow, but steady
I go to physio every day
Ive rigged up exercise aids through my apartment
A foam ball on a rope, which I punch and slap
A soccer ball on a rope which I kick
I never miss an opportunity to try to expand my range of motion, strength and balance
If its hard, I do it more
There is only one god and his name is death
what do we say to death? "not today"
