A year ago today I embarked on a journey that I surely thought would bring me treasure and peace in my mind, my soul and my body. Two of my best friends and I loaded all of our things in a car that I gave way to much faith to, to get us across the country.
I was excited. Excited isn’t the word that does justice…I was more than excited. I was the kind of excited where you’re anxious inside, a happy anxious, emotional. Thrilled. I felt the change coming, and for one of the first times in my life — I welcomed it. Not just new scenery, but new coffee shops to enjoy and write in, new friends, new habits, new me. Most of you know the joys of venturing off to a new place, because a lot of us did it for college. A place where we can reinvent ourselves, become who we have always wanted to be….As if it could happen in a day.
But my new home was going to give me all of this. I was going to be healthier and happier, because I could spend my days hiking in the mountains and exploring. I was going to have a surplus of friends, because for the first time (again) in my life, I was going to be the outgoing one, making friends with everyone and anyone. I was going to have a life balance and it would create harmony in my soul. For the first time in my college career I was only taking 15 credits — the socially acceptable “average”. I was going to land a great marketing internship and not push myself to overwork. I was going to live in my dream,m state and explore all it had to offer me — because I finally had the time!
I got in my car and embarked on my journey to take hold of my new life.
In many ways, I was blessed. I spent my weekends and breaks in between classes hiking mountains. I had the ambition to eat healthier so I naturally felt better. I mad a ton of friends — amazing friends. Cool people that had rad taste in music and offered great conversation. I landed a great internship where I met more amazing people, learned new and exciting things and rarely over worker myself. I enjoyed my classes and excelled in them. I explored a state I always wanted to I’ve in and learned more about it that some of the locals.
And shortly after moving there I spent hours on the phone balling to my grandma. I found the hikes on the mountains lonely. I missed long talks at night with my roommates from back home. I missed out on Sundays my entire family was spending together back home. I slowly watched my savings account dwindle because I spent large amounts of money on red eye flights back home and to where my friends were. And I spent those trips alone too. Getting off the plane in Denver has and is one of my least favorite thing to do. Showing up to a crowd of people — none of whom are waiting for you — and going home alone is lonely, if not the most lonely part of it all.
I had great friends in Colorado and have made lasting relationships. That in itself I wouldn’t trade for the world. But it wasn’t my life — at least not the one I have built for myself.
One thing I’ve recognized my generation loves to do is glorify travel — the great and wide unknown. There for us to take. Don’t settle down — go explore. Don’t tie yourself to someone — spend your twenties taking that job, moving to a new place, being independent. All of these things are respectable, and are a great decision for the right people.
But for me, long flights cross country weren’t what i wanted to do. Staying up late to FaceTime because of drastic time differences sucked. Seeing the beauty of the top of a mountain was ten times over more rewarding when I did it with my grandma who was visiting than when I did it by myself.
Something I’ve come to realize is that our life is not a product of the places we have moved, the promotions we’ve gotten, the grades we’ve received or even the the things we’ve accomplished. My life is a product of the relationships I’ve created. The people who are so incredibly different than I am, but still understand me. My roommates whose opinions are a world away from mine, but whom I still love for their moral dedication to themselves and the world around them.
I still love to explore, cross things off my bucket list and get lost in new places. But I decided after leaving Colorado that I enjoyed it way more when I had someone I loved to share it with. Traveling to a new place, being a new person, doesn’t take us away from what we’re trying to fix, it manifests it. True happiness doesn’t usually come from a place, it comes from accepting the life we’ve created for ourselves and the people that love us amidst it. I’m incredibly excited — thrilled — to welcome a new year of new experiences.
“Traveling is a fool’s paradise. Our first journeys discover to us the indifference of places. At home I dream that at Naples, at Rome, I can be intoxicated with beauty, and lose my sadness. I pack my trunk, embrace my friends, embark on the sea, and at last wake up in Naples, and there beside me is the stern fact, the sad self, unrelenting, identical, that I fled from. I seek the Vatican, and the palaces. I affect to be intoxicated with sights and suggestions, but I am not intoxicated. my giant goes with me wherever I go.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
