Waiting For Death
Trying to Reason With Hurricane Season
I don’t want to talk politics here. I’ll state up front that I’m an environmentalist by philosophy and lifestyle, and I’m a scientist by profession. I am in no uncertain terms someone who believes that human activity impacts the environment, and that we as a species need to wise up and utilize our intelligence to better use and regenerate our resources, and to walk in beauty with the natural world and other creatures.
That’s about as political as I care to get. I’m a human being — one who lives near a coastline. One who grew up in “Tornado Alley”. One who is no stranger to storms, both tropical and non.
To be sure, a Category 4 or 5 hurricane is a killer storm and nothing to take lightly. That being said, over the past several days I do believe the media, based on viewings and ratings, catered to the sensational. I found it very difficult to obtain any news or forecast that was not absolute doomsday in descriptives. I’m really not supposed to be here today, and neither are my friends on the coast. We, along with our property, were supposed to have been blown into oblivion.
So I’m so fucking happy to be here. The media certainly did a good job this time of scaring the beejeezus out of me, because I’ve been through Cat 2 and 3 hurricanes and high level tornadoes. The thought of a 4 or 5 was chilling. I’ve heard the roar and seen the aftermath of most of my belongings piled along the side of the road, and the little town of my rearing being splintered, not once, but twice. I’ve had the dead crabs and fish in my home from the ocean flooding it waist deep. So last night, and for the 2 days prior, the images that kept coming to my mind of the impending doom were not pleasant.
Hell, I lost weight running back and forth to the restroom because my intestines were shot, and I’m one who typically welcomes a little weight loss, but I would have foregone the weight loss for a more balanced representation of Hurricane Matthew.
My father is a pilot. He therefore has access to weather forecasts required for aviation. The forecasts he was seeing were not nearly as foreboding as those being broadcast on television. Certainly, they were nothing to dismiss, but the velocity of wind and trajectory wasn’t quite matching what we were being told.
We were told — and if you research you can easily locate the articles and interviews — that yesterday was “the day” that Florida would be hit by Matthew. Matthew would make landfall and there would be major roof failure, wall failure, and heartbreaking loss of life. Catastrophic. Never seen a storm like this. Nobody can survive that kind of storm surge. Worse than Katrina. Worse than Andrew. Really? Do you realize what is being said when you put those words out there? They said in no uncertain terms that we were going to die and that our coast and much of our state would be unlivable for weeks. I couldn’t help but remember the anguished faces of people on roofs and cars during Katrina, crying and waiting for some hope of salvation. Worse than Katrina? Worse than the leveling of Andrew?
I’m not suggesting that the scientific facts regarding the history of this storm and its potential were in question. And I’m not denying that our coast is going to take a hit, and that there may be some very unfortunate loss of life. But I am concerned that it was presented to us in a manner that did not provide comprehensive information — something one desperately needs in order to make life and death decisions.
Last night — while going through it — while sitting in the exact same county as some of the news media, I witnessed a great divergence in their interpretation of current local conditions versus my own. I watched a local forecaster say “look at how terrible” it is. “Look at the tree behind me”. I did look at that tree, and at her, for a long time while she talked, and nothing was moving. For someone who has been through hurricanes and tornadoes, I did not appreciate the description of “terrible” to describe the conditions I was witnessing. The conditions I was seeing and experiencing would be a walk in the park compared to a killer hurricane. But I suppose there is some degree of relativity in human assessments — if that was truly her assessment.
I realize that we have to warn people about the worst case scenarios, and I most certainly believe that the evacuation orders were appropriate. I don’t think anyone doubted that our coast was going to experience a very bad storm. That being said, they also could have focused on an approach to delivering the forecasts in a manner that reflected the range of possibilities. Sure, we have the now humorous “cone of uncertainty” but that was used to mainly demonstrate possible paths, rather than the range of storm level and specificity to locales. But I don’t think more balance that I’m suggesting would have kept people glued to The Weather Channel and local news. And people glued to the television translates to money.
I likewise realize that if we don’t have evacuation orders and an understanding of worst case scenarios, that we can experience far more devastating losses. Call me a traditional American, but I still believe we can make our own decisions based on having the information we need to do so. Why we are on the receiving end of biased information that is supposed to be news is probably an amalgam. I wouldn’t attempt to dissect the details to identify a culprit. And I’m far from a conspiracy theorist. But it does feel rather “Big Brotherish” to take a view that they are doing it “for our own good” to scare us into evacuation. I can’t quite believe that is the only reason at this point. While I wouldn’t say I am “convinced”, I do feel deeply concerned that certain adjectives may have been over-utilized to attract viewers with sensationalism — and yes, to make money. And when you are in the path of something as monstrous looking as Matthew, and cannot get out, that is scary.
Now on to a different angle. Even though the storm never materialized as predicted in my particular area, the news had me contemplating my death. Although I realize I could die any day, and generally feel prepared for it, it isn’t something I brood over.
But last night, I really didn’t have any choice. I had to prepare my “safe room” and try to imagine how best to protect my dogs and myself should various scenarios arise, such as flooding, flying debris, roofs blowing off, doors blowing in, windows shattering and flying through the house, etc. Because well, you’ve seen it I’m sure…
Do you watch that video and think you’d survive a Cat 4 or 5? I imagined the choppers dangling the lifelines to us, and the National Guard pulling us from the rubble. I imagined my beloved alligators swimming through the yard and knocking on the back door.
Which would it be? Or maybe they wouldn’t find us for days. Meanwhile, family and friends suffer the agony of not knowing. This stream of consciousness isn’t like me. I’m an optimistic realist by nature. I don’t generally wander down roads like this, but every time I turned on the television to try and obtain information about the location and status of the storm, I just heard that many were going to be killed in central Florida, and I might be one of them. I was torn between turning on the TV or not. My best friend urged me to stop, and thank goodness, I had my father’s aviation forecast to offer me some level of hope.
Interestingly, I just did not want to depart the earth anytime soon. Aside from my dogs, the foremost thing on my mind was that I would miss being able to shoot wildlife photography. I felt like I still had so much to do — so much to contribute with regard to helping towards conservation and education of our natural resources and other animals. There was a sadness and an immediacy regarding that particular part of my life being cut short. And my goodness, my followers would be deprived of up-to-date, unfiltered, unbiased, alligator news and photography. :-)
The tragic nature of it just compounded! I am alligator paparazzi, and I was about to be taken out.
That’s a good indicator of passion. Many folks might say “Well why not just do that for a living? Follow your passion!” For one thing, I’m realistic enough to understand that there is not a niche for alligator photography that is going to pay my student loan bills. Secondly, I don’t take pictures to sell them. I take them to educate, and I have an intense thrill and pleasure associated with that process. I will let that passion live by not having to worry about generating revenue with it. Besides, I love working in molecular oncology as a day job. That too, I have great enthusiasm for, and certainly feel its positive impact on human progress and the everyday lives of people suffering the ravages of cancer.
In my experience-gauging by comparison to others-I don’t seem to have a history of scaring easily. Additionally, my experience has included many storms of different flavors. But last night, the verbiage spewing non-stop out of the media outlets left me thinking there was half a chance I would not survive the night.
So what actually happened? I’ve experienced a storm that is less dramatic than most thunderstorms I’ve seen. There is a small pond of water in the yard, and there is some talking wind. While I most certainly appreciate the warnings about a possible Cat 4 or 5, I would also like to have known that this “it might just sprinkle” scenario was also one of the possibilities.
We spent a ton of money and time and mental anguish preparing for our impending doom. And I am so happy and grateful that it did not occur. I’m glad we removed as many people from the potential of harm’s way as possible. I’m even thankful for the information I gained in the self-reflection that went on while having to contemplate that my time on earth might be ending. I will use it. I will infuse my daily activities with it. I will move forward with even more gusto than before. I will be even more mindful of how precious a commodity is time.
We aren’t technically out of the storm yet and I know there is damage in Florida currently. Thus far, it does not even approach the predictions-that actually were not presented as predictions — but “certainties”. It was Haiti that experienced catastrophe. While we heard comments that central Florida was “going to get the shit kicked out of them”, Haiti actually was suffering tremendously with loss — hundreds and hundreds killed.
The sensationalism surrounding the fate of central Florida makes me sick to my stomach. This entire affair has been a great reminder to me to treat the news media the way I would a scientific project. Collect as much information from varying sources as possible. Understand the sources and who or what pays their bills. Sources that are not based on generating revenue by predicting tragedy and through promoting fear, but rather, with presenting us with facts and information that is relevant, accurate, and essential for rational decision-making.
We didn’t have a lot of time to think and prepare. I’m happy and thankful for the caution and seriousness related to mother nature and any other threats to our well-being. That being said, I feel a bit disenchanted and misled. Last night I waited — in anxiety — for THE ROAR. The roar that would signal my impending doom. The roar that I’ve heard at a lower level in previous years. But this roar…this roar…was supposed to be a possible Category 5 roar…almost certain death.
The roar never came. Thank G-d, it never came. Not even a cub’s roar. It rained — a little — and my dog who is terrified of storms was not even scared. I tried to tell him that The Weather Channel and local officials said he should not go out and take a piss. But alas, he did. He went out and took several lengthy breaks in the green latrine during the “onslaught” and “battering” of Hurricane Matthew. He seemed to enjoy the air.
It is at once intriguing and terrifying, that last night — through media and ideas — my life was taken from me, and then restored to me. And it was all…just information. Talk about a mindfuck…
