Where I come from…

Where I come from, ‘you’re adding weight oh’ is as good as saying ‘you look great’

Getting married is as good as getting a PhD

‘Have you eaten’ is same as an apology

Where I come from, even those battling the most terminal ailments still say ‘I’m fine’

And women who haven’t been able to conceive rather stay in church at ovulation, than at home with their husbands.

Where I come from, the earth is a patchy green, and the water is mostly brown

There’s noise pollution, and corruption

And paying your tithe is wonderful even if you stole the money.

It’s the thought that counts.

Where I come from, our mothers love to live in denial

And all our daughters are virgins till they get married.

Our sons are successful when they come home for Christmas with bags of rice and cooking oil.

Where I come from, therapists are a waste of money

And depression isn’t an actual thing.

You’re just spoiled, or possessed

Where I come from, no one really cares about happiness

Once you’ve eaten, and paid your rent, please be grateful to God

Where I come from, people have multiple religions

We pray to God, and offer sacrifices to the devil

Where I come from, hypocrisy is nothing.

Where I come from, you kneel to greet your elders

So you can live beyond their age

Although if you were rich, you’re lawless

Where I come from, everyone is weary of policemen and armed robbers.

And the pastors you give your offering to, fly private planes while you trek to church.

Where I come from, everything we eat is thoroughly cooked and seasoned

We like our meat red, and our soups peppery

We eat salads on special occasions.

Where I come from, people like to help each other, but you’re obligated to ‘drop something in appreciation’

Where I come from, the culture is really beautiful but we’ve abandoned most of it the ‘American way’

Our hair is wooly, so we get it permed

Our skin color is dark, so we get it bleached

Where I come from, we love life, but still eat unhealthy