How to not let failures bog you down
Failures are painful.
It’s like a sucker punch to your belly. A blow so hard, that it leaves you gasping for breath.
It’s one of those moments that everyone dreads to face in their lifetime. And, it’s really hard to be prepared for it.
No one, no one ever, wakes up in the morning and says to themselves,
“Let’s go out there and fail.”
I mean, try saying that to yourself with a smile on your face, looking at the mirror.
It’s difficult. You can’t do it because that was not taught to you. No one taught us how to accept failure, and still be content with it.
I was unprepared too and it took me a long time to get over it. But, I did it.
My Story
Last year, I almost lost my job. I got an email from my manager, saying that my performance was not satisfactory and this was my last opportunity to achieve the standards, else my employment will be in jeopardy.
As I read through the lines, I could feel a heaviness in my chest and a lump forming in my throat. I felt I’ve been stripped of something that I deserved and accused with a crime that I didn’t commit.
I got lost into the thoughts of how hard I worked to get this job. Marketing is something that I always wanted to learn, and now, here I’m hanging on from a wire almost untied from one end.
What followed this retrospection was a series of questions doubting my ability and challenging my potential.
Am I good enough? Where did I go wrong? How could this happen to me?
While all of this was going in my head, I could feel myself getting helplessly stuck into this never-ending loop of questions and getting dragged into the pit of depression, drowning in my own self-sabotaging thoughts.
But, I recoiled. Fought. Struggled. And, I still have the job. My journey of the last eighteen months has been treacherous but worthwhile.
From the verge of losing my job, today, I’m at the helm of success. In these few months, not only was I able to improve my performance, but I’m even more confident than before. Now, I report to a different manager and mentor the new team members.
My learnings, experiments, and struggles; have not only helped to shape me as a confident person but now I’m more emotionally matured to understand the psyche of my juniors which help me to train them even more effectively.
We all fail. We can never guarantee a life without failure. But, what we can always do is to never let it take control of our life and suck the best out of us.
Don’t let failure bog you down. Fight it
Here are a few things that I tried to fight failure and something that you can follow too :
Find a shoulder
Not to cry upon, or maybe even to cry, but mostly to let out your thoughts and worries.
During my ordeal, I realized, the only way that you can break the loop of negative thoughts and get rid of it is by sharing your concerns with a person whom you trust and rely upon.
When you don’t do that, your brain becomes a maze and your thoughts, a lost traveller. You start from one end and you end up on the same place again and again.
Your friend, or your trusted person, acts as a guide in this situation. When you share your pain with them, you not only get an outlet but also let in fresh ideas and suggestions on how to overcome it.
It will be even better if you try to maximize the bonding with them by planning a trip or a group activity. If you stay in another city take time to make a call, even better a video call.
If you don’t have the right set of people around you with whom you can share these thoughts, you can always approach a professional counsellor for help.
I shared my feelings with three of my very close friends. They were supportive and most importantly, they listened to everything that I had to say. One of them had a past episode with depression, she helped me to how to not succumb to it and just get out of the loop of negative thoughts at the soonest.
Be it your family, a friend or group of friends, or even a counsellor; the most important thing to be pointed out is that you find a shoulder at the soonest.
Sweat it out
I always wanted to get a good physique. Not to get too beefed up, but a good, lean, athletic physique. It’s remarkable what working out can do your body and brain.
The muscle gains and fat loss, give more reason to look yourself in the mirror, appreciate it and feel proud of yourself. And, if you’re still wondering if there is any study to back up my claim on the benefits of working out, then check out this research which lists 10 ways that a workout regime benefits your brain.
When you follow a gym routine, doesn’t matter whether you do cardio, callisthenics, or weight training; what is important is that it sets you into a path of discipline. It brings order to your thoughts and puts into a cycle which releases you from the chains of self-sabotaging thoughts.
While I was on my gym routine, I realized that I felt positive with every grunt that I released while lifting weights. The physical exertion took away the pain from failure and diverted my mind into thinking something significant and purposeful.
I trained hard, controlled my diet, and tried to get at least 6 hours of sleep every day. And, while it was difficult at the start, it has almost become a habit now. My body has automatically got used the process and there is no room for any negative thoughts to get in when I’m working out. Ok, so the result?
I have put on 15 pounds of muscle mass in these 18 months with good conditioning and I know something for sure — I’m never gonna give up exercising.
Take up a hobby
You can start a new one or spent more time on it if you already have one.
I used to read a little when I was a kid. Over the years, maybe due to the academic pressure, I kind of neglected this hobby. Books by Charles Dickens and Jules Verne were replaced by thicker books which took more time to finish, but so less to offer. Anyway, I should save this discussion for later, and stick to my story.
I thought of reigniting this old spark. I started reading voraciously. I borrowed some books from my colleagues, bought a few one of them, invested on a Kindle; so that I’m always surrounded by books and I never get the chance of complaining that I don’t have enough material to read.
Over time, I observed, my thoughts were improving. Being a slow reader, I took more time to complete a page and concentrated more on the meaning behind the words of the author.
Now, I don’t know if you want to do this, but it helped me a lot to try to understand the thinking that must have gone behind in putting those words on paper.
I would often find myself asking questions —
Why did the author choose this word?
This sentence has been structured so intricately. Could I have done any better?
What’s the emphasis of this incident here?
This attempt to question me and create a world of ideas took me away from the concerns of failure and compelled me to think something useful. Thereby, keeping my mind engaged all the time.
If the reading doesn’t click for you, then try something else. There is definitely, something that will work for you. Gather your thoughts and reignite the spark that might have gone unnoticed for a long time.
Does it end here?
The blog? Yes. The Tango, of life and failure? No.
I still get negative feedback. I still fail. But, now, I don’t let my mind hop into this wagon of negative thoughts which takes me through the forest of thorns and wild shrubs. Hurting and tattering myself, for no good reason.
I have realized that failure will keep happening. It is like the nosy neighbour who will keep dropping by in spite of your best attempts to keep them out of your apartment. While you cannot vanish them (don’t even think about doing this!), you learn to deal with them.
Let me try to put it this way, A failure is a shadow that always walks beside every attempt you make to do something better with your life. Just like your body, it’s the attempt that matters. Not the shadow.
If you’re someone who is fighting with a setback or a failure, no matter how small or big it is. Fight it. Don’t let it get the better of yourself.
