Stress Management
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I had a completely different idea on how to start this year. I made a plan and program, I prepared, gave myself a couple of days to rest on it aaand… Life has different plans for you. The year started with loss and sorrow and it completely blew me off my tracks. Grief and sorrow have their own path. So I felt completely helpless. And in combination with work stress, I came to a point that I need inhuman strength to get up in the morning, to iron my clothes and make myself presentable. I wasn’t up for anything. And then, at one point, I wasn’t able to breathe. I was literally fighting for breath. Fighting for breath activated those pieces of a reason that left and I knew that is finally time to do something about it.
First step — breathing. And is there a better way to remind yourself to breathe than to start practicing meditation. Breathing practice and an app that reminded me to take a breath helped a lot. App and my husband reminded me randomly during the day: “Take a deep breath now. It’s ok; I just want to see that you took a breath.” It is really important to have someone by your side — so, talk to people, don’t avoid stress, and make yourself to install some of those apps.
Sorrow, as I mentioned, has its own path. And has its own phases. And no one can skip those phases. But you can work on reducing stress. There is a bunch of advice on how to reduce stress. Here is mine, because these steps helped me to take back control of myself.
#1 Define the botheration. Is what bothers you real and do you have any power over it? If the answer is no, then dismiss that as needless stress. I know that this is easier said than done, but don’t insist on torturing yourself with stuff there are not your burden to bear.
But if the answer is yes, then let’s see what you can do about it and what can you use to reframe that stress into your benefit. Find what actually triggers that stress and ask yourself what should be done to control that trigger.
Experts say that there are two kinds of stress: productive and toxic. Toxic stress is the one where your productivity, creativity, motivation, and confidence are lower. It makes you tired and you get ill easily because you are basically poisoned by stress. Productive stress is good for you: it stimulates you to find solutions more easily, to become competitive and to learn and develop new skills. Productive stress pushes you forward. And for toxic stress, you need to fight to break that toxic loop. Being in constant worry about stuff that you can’t fix and going over and over and over about the same issues helps no one, especially not you.
#2 Change. Change is the main reason for stress. And there are a lot of types of changes: personal and private, emotional, family, financial, aesthetic, health, business… In order to take control of your stress, you need to find which change stresses you the most. Mostly we get stressed out about work: if our job is uncertain; what about overwork, the workaholic atmosphere at work, unpleasant colleagues, lack of confidence… After you locate the problematic aspect that stresses you, reframe your worries and turn them into action. Define a problem, think of problem constructively and define possible solutions.
For example, if you have a colleague that often work overtime when there is no reason for that, try talking to them to see what is the reason for staying ovetime — do they have an unpleasant situation at home? Do they worry about the job and if yes, ask them why? Have a friendly conversation and explain to that colleague what is the impact on other colleagues by his/her often overtime. Do he/she make you all look bad? Does he/she create confusion for the rest of the team by doing most of the tasks alone? Get all the facts before you react. When you get the facts, try to find a solution that helps everyone.
#3 Take control. Set your priorities and deadlines. Think of new suggestions for improvement. Solve some smaller problems first. Create a team (of friends, family or colleagues) to help you find a solution. Learn some new skills.
The point of doing what I just listed is to gain some confidence and to restore what stress is taking away from us. Idea is to establish the ground under your feet and to take back control, at least in some aspects. When you boost your confidence, you can start solving much bigger problems.
#4 Change your approach. Stop, breathe, think and give yourself some time, pick a solution. If you are doing something and nothing changes, then stop doing that and find another way. There is always another way. If you have a difficult colleague, for example, don’t just take things as they are by saying “Oh, he/she is difficult, there is nothing I can do.” There is always something that you can do to improve the situation. Change your approach and see what happens. Take a look at the situation from a neutral point of view and be objective.
#5 Collect the facts. The real facts. Try to remove the emotions from the situation, try to be objective and detailed and see what is really happening. Divide those facts into groups and start dealing with them individually, like a detective. Follow the clues step by step and solution will wait just around the corner.
#6 Give yourself a break. From time to time everyone needs that. Just be selfish sometimes. Sit in front of Netflix whole day, if you will. Go fishing, read that book, take some time off and don’t explain yourself to anyone. Give yourself an opportunity to “un-twist” yourself. Pamper yourself, because you deserve it.
#7 Move. Activate your muscles. Walk, run, dance, workout. When I’m so stressed out that I want to jump out of my skin, I just start with push-ups or crunches, maybe dancing. It helps. Artistic hobbies also help. Try eating healthy food, get more sleep. Get yourself in order and everything else will be easier to handle with.
Don’t drown in bad thoughts, stress or grief. Move, always move. And I know that is really hard to break the toxic cycle of stress once you fall into it, but force yourself to change that path, step by step. Once you start changing the perspective, you’ll see the thing as they are and from that, you can only get better.
I am still grieving and my heart is still broken, the loss cannot be replaced by anything. But I pushed myself forward and started with that plan that I set up. I’m better now. Life goes on. Heartache eases with time. But stress is a killer and we cannot let the stress wins. Fight it.
