Whispering in my Mind
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Should I do it? It is okay, just say it… Hold on, hold on, don’t rush it. Maybe give it a few more minutes, go over it again, and wait for the next pause. Damn it! You just had your turn, chatterbox. Give others a chance for a change. Let others speak. Actually, it is good that I didn’t jump the gun. I’ll add more color to it. It will be more impactful. Just stop shaking your legs. What is the big deal, just push it out. Spit it out! Oh, never mind! It wasn’t that good anyway.
Now, open your mouth and let all the butterflies out. What is wrong with you? Let me see who else is there. Who are my comrades? Check the ceiling. It is covered with a flock of butterflies. They can’t all be mine. We have 23 minutes to go. Not that bad. Pull yourself together and get back to it. Look around to see if anyone is watching. No, no you are good, just focus and get ready. This time it will happen, or else… By the way, why am I here? This wasn’t a good idea to begin with. I’ll write down from 21 to 1 and start crossing them off after each minute. It will end soon, and I will be out. Never coming back. Already at 19, downhill from this point onward. Stop checking your watch to make it go faster. See if you can match seconds with your counting. Go till 120, but don’t go too fast. Remember how long 7 seconds is in a basketball game. No, be serious and don’t do Mississippi, just plain counting with enough pauses in between. 118, 119, 120. Now check it. Yes! It’s been longer than 2 minutes. Scratch all the way down to 13. Keep on going till single digit.
Give it one more chance. Translate, write it down, practice then go. It will come to you in the last few minutes at the wrap-up. When did they get back inside? Butterflies. I hate myself. 7 minutes to go. If the chatterbox goes for another 3 minutes then we will not have enough time to go around the table. Move your head up, make a slight angle forward, and open your eyes. You look very engaged and interested. That’s enough, don’t go overboard, you’ll be caught. Last 2 minutes. Let’s do one final count to 120 and finish this torture.
Done! Has anyone noticed it? Too late to care about it. One more meeting without a single spoken word is in the books. Lots in the mind. I’ll write them down — without the butterflies in my stomach.
From the mind of an immigrant introvert in the early years of adjusting himself to a highly competitive and demanding culture that embraces radical meritocracy at work. Please hit 👏 if this resonates.
