A Rough Guide to Dystopia, With Cows.
Know what nightmarish future you’re living in with this one easy list!
Let’s face it, the world is in a pretty poor state. The global economy is in meltdown, inequality is growing, food banks and pay day lenders are booming, plutocrats are buying up entire cities, the ice caps are melting, and even the climate is going to hell. Which means that it’s more important than ever to know your dystopias. Futures Exchange has developed this handy list, so you’ll know exactly whose nightmare you’re living in.
Orwell: You have two cows. The government takes both, brainwashes you, and refutes the existence of cows.
Huxley: You have two cows, just like everyone else in your caste. The government conditions you from birth to hate milk.
Malthus: You have two cows. They cannot produce enough milk to feed your growing family. You exist forever on the brink of starvation.
Swift: You have no cows. The government suggests eating the unwanted children of poor Irish Catholics.
HG Wells: You have two cows. There is no government. Your subterranean troll-like neighbours look after the cows, but prey on you.
Pierre Boulle: Cows have evolved to become the dominant form of life on Earth. They domesticate you.
JG Ballard: You have two cows. There is no government because civilisation is falling apart. The cows become symbolic of your repressed desire to return to a primitive state.
PK Dick: You have two cows. Or do you? Are cows real? You’re not sure.
John Wyndham: You have two cows. A freak event topples civilisation and the cows begin hunting you.
Brian K Vaughan: You have two cows. All the bulls are dead.
Michael Crichton: You have two cows. A scientific experiment to improve them goes disastrously wrong, teaching you the folly of your ways.
Cory Doctorow: You have two cows. You disrupt corporate government structures by giving the milk away for free.
Margaret Atwood: You are the cow. The government milks you.
Ayn Rand: I have all the cows. I deserve them.
Suggestions for more in the comments, please!
