Intimacy

Hey, it’s me again. I wrote about financial management in my first post for FWRD. The same way, I am not a wealth guru is the same way I am not a relationship guru. I do have a wonderful relationship with my partner. I read a lot on so many different topics so I thought I’d share what I’ve learnt from my readings. I am a bit scared to write this as this is a whole completely different territory for me. I normally talk tech, innovation, design and business things.
This is in no order. These are my neutral views. These different types of intimacy may be achieved in a relationship or a marriage. Feel free to disagree with my views.
Emotional Intimacy
Being emotionally intimate with a partner/spouse means that you can talk to them about your innermost thoughts. You are able to share your joy and pain with your partner/spouse. It’s the person you can cry with.
From the things I read on truly understanding your partner/spouse, having the freedom to be vulnerable and share your feelings is key to emotional intimacy.
The book Sound Relationship House by John Gottman features seven components of healthy relationships. One component is building love maps, which is how well you know your partner/spouse’s psychological worlds, their history and hopes, and their worries and joys.
You can build love maps by asking open-ended questions and really listening to your partner/spouse’s responses. An example could be where do you see yourself living or working in 5 years time?
However for emotional intimacy to work, it is very important to be honest with yourself. You need to know who you are. What you stand for. If you’re feeling emotionally disconnected from your partner/spouse, explore what might be underlying this disconnection.
Intellectual Intimacy
Intellectual intimacy includes exchanging ideas and thoughts about things you think and care about.
For instance, to deepen your intellectual intimacy, you might share your favorite songs, poems, books or philosophies. You can even have an intimate book club for two where you read a book and discuss.
You also might share your thoughts about life in general or interests such as volunteering and places you’d like to travel.
Physical Intimacy
Physical intimacy is not the same as sexual intimacy. It is essentially being affectionate with each other, which can include everything from hugging to holding hands to kissing.
Again, if you’re feeling a disconnect toward your partner/spouse here, It is suggested exploring why. For instance, if your partner/spouse tries to hold your hand, but you’re shrinking away, consider where this reaction is coming from.
Pay attention to your thoughts and the reactions you have to your partner/spouse’s touch. It’s also helpful to talk about it. If your partner/spouse is the one who seems to be disconnected from you, ask them about it. Avoid making assumptions.
First, ask your partner/spouse when they’d like to talk. This way they can be prepared and don’t feel attacked. Approach the conversation with kindness. If either of you finds your emotions are escalating and you can’t be calm anymore, take a break, and agree to talk another time.
When talking to each other, have a “spirit of inquiry and understanding — for instance: “I’d like to hear more about that. How would you feel about that? What’s that like for you?”
Experiential Intimacy
Couples don’t have to do everything together, but it’s important to share some experiences. For instance, this might include taking a walk, biking, seeing a movie, or even sitting in a garden.
Spiritual Intimacy
Spiritual intimacy is sharing those awe-inspiring moments together. An example of spiritual intimacy is worshipping and praying as a couple.
If you feel disconnected from your partner/spouse in any of these areas, again, it’s important to talk to them.
If you’re able to be open and honest with each other, listening to what your partner/spouse is saying and trying to understand where they’re coming from, then you’re already nurturing your connection.
Maintenance behaviors in relationships can be separated into seven categories: assurances in relation to love and commitment in the relationship, openness in sharing their feelings, conflict management, positive interactions, sharing tasks, giving advice to their partner, and using social networks for support.
Intimacy. Achieve intimacy.


