Menstrual Chronicle— Never Been So Happy To Get My Period
No, i’m not hallucinating lol I meant what I wrote…for now at least.
Some of you may know what I’m talking about if you’ve been on contraception for multiple years without a natural period. For me it was roughly seven years in total.
Seven years without having to buy pads, relate to PMS memes, deal with cramps etc. I still got asked the typical question of “are you on your period or something?” but for the most part, there were perks. I was on the contraceptive injection which is what you get every three months. No need to remember to take a pill every day (I tried that and flopped, way too risky for my forgetful mind), it was simple and convenient for me.
I didn’t notice the changes in my body and mental health until about 5/6 years later and boy did it hit me. In the last two years I went from size 6/8, shopping in the “petite” section in Topshop to buying loose tops and wearing size 10 jeans. I was in denial at first but then I realised none of my bras fit me. I thought hmm… I couldn’t have gone up that much in bra sizes so I got measured. I definitely wasn’t a 32 B anymore! The lady in the shop came to the fitting room with a 32 D and I looked at it in amazement because the bra actually fit me. Was this a joke? How did I put on weight so drastically and not even realise?
My belly was forming that little pouch thing that gets comfortable just sitting there that slowly but steadily grows into a bigger pouch so it feels more like there’s a donut wrapped around your stomach. At that point, my mood was already all over the place, I wasn’t very sociable to even care what I was starting to look like. I’d get irritable from just being in a public space , having to put on a smile and converse with the same people asking me, “How’s the art going?”. I still hate that question by the way.
I didn’t wanna talk about my ideas or what I was doing next because I was constantly feeling stuck. Stuck in a depressive and unmotivated pool of mud which quickly turned into quick sand whenever someone asked me if I was okay. My poor boyfriend had to walk around the house like there were egg shells on the floor just in case I’d start bawling my eyes out if he forgot to do something or simply wanted to hold me. Did I mention my contraception made my libido extremely low? Haha so ironic. I mean it wasn’t fun at all. I lacked the will to be intimate for long periods of time such as holding hands or even hugging. And this was all happening at once in a space of a year. A complete and drastic change to my mood made me wanna come off my contraception and I’m so happy I did.
I’ve been off the contraceptive injection and finally about that condom life for almost six months now haha. And I must say it really isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It’s actually great. I feel more like my bubbly self. I’m still anti-social sometimes but it’s the reasonable kind of anti-social ish. You’re not gonna see me at every meet-up or event but I’ll make time for the important stuff. I’m no longer hyper-sensitive and sabotaging myself creatively. Thank the most high lol cause that side of me was getting out of hand.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still getting used to having periods but I welcome them with open arms.
I welcome the crime scenes on the bed sheets the next morning from forgetting to wear the night time pads Lool Although sometimes your flow just does not give a fuck and them sheets are getting it.
I welcome those not-so welcoming first cramps that give you a heads up that it’s your time of the month.
I welcome the swollen breasts even when it’s too sore to run down the stairs or run for the bus. I’m okay with waiting for the next one.
I enjoy not feeling like an alien anymore. Having some natural structure in my life lol nothing beats nature and I’m grateful to be able to just release all that is and will be. It feels like I’m more clear headed and lighter , now that my body is able to release toxins and shed what’s been clogged up for so long.
I think contraception for women is seen as normal as taking a pain killer but we really do put our bodies through a lot. It doesn’t just affect us physically but it takes a toll on our mental health with all the hormones being pumped into us. I guess it’s all about taking things within moderation and paying attention to how your body responds. I’m definitely gonna be listening to mine a lot more next year.