The Art of Sitting on the Fence.

Manipulation 101.

To sit on the fence is “to not to make a clear choice between two possibilities”. To be indecisive.

You would assume that there is a lack of maturity in not being able to make a clear decision as an adult, and to justify why you have made that choice. This implies that as humans we can only choose between black or white, and if we can’t then we’re still living in the childish fantasy of being able to have it all.

Perhaps even living in a selfish fantasy, because for the seasoned manipulator, sitting on the fence is an art form that allows them to maintain “the best of both worlds” in a given scenario.

Exploring this from the angle of heterosexual relationships, I speak as a woman who has observed manipulative patterns in the way that men behave. Not to say that heterosexual relationships are the only types where such a dynamic can exist, only that this is my experience and especially as patriarchy plays a huge role in how these characters play out.

“I’m happy here, but what if the grass is greener on the other side, what if I could be happier?” may be the first question he asks himself.

“What if I could test the waters without getting wet?” he begins to ponder.

He understands that he shouldn’t swim in the pool and that he is to stay on land. So he skirts around the pool’s edge, and dips only his toes in. When challenged he replies, “but how could I be swimming when you can clearly see I’m still stood on land?”

He understands that he shouldn’t bite the apple, so he has someone else bite it for him, to prepare his oesophagus for swallowing it whole. When challenged he says, “but look at how clean my teeth are, how could I have possibly bitten the apple?”

Each time making the individual asking the questions, seem as though they are fabricating these occurrences.

When asked to talk about the person he loves the most. He talks about the human’s duty to love everyone equally, just as they love themselves.

The man who continuously escapes accountability, is the man who has mastered the art of sitting on the fence, as a form of manipulation.

To be indecisive, is the decision that he has made. He has chosen to exist in the grey area. He would rather perform a balancing act in order to maintain “the best” of both worlds.

The problem with sitting on the fence, is that the fence was created to divide and not to combine. The fence is a surface that can only withstand the weight of a body for a limited period, it always eventually breaks. Then people fall on either side and are left with no choice but to go left or right.

“We’ll go down this road ’til it turns from colour, to black & white.”