The strive for authenticity

Just some thoughts I had, hope it makes sense.

Throughout my life, I have never felt a particular need to fit in, if anything I always took pride in being different. As a young black girl growing up in a predominately white area I became very aware that fitting in was unlikely so learned to value my uniqueness.

As I entered secondary school I never really had an interest in rebelling or experiencing ‘grown up’ things that everyone was desperate for, partially because I had African parents that would have sent me straight back to the motherland if I tried any foolery and partially because it just wasn’t really my thing. As a result of these differences, I was often told; “you’re not like the rest” and “you’re different”. Whilst some would take offence, I revelled in these comments and strove to be even more ‘authentic’ and ‘different’. However, what I came to realise is that my strive for authenticity was actually having the opposite effect.

I was striving to be authentic based on how others had described me, rather than figuring out what authentic actually meant for me as an individual. I began to realise that in order to feel like an individual I was indirectly de-individualising others. I categorised my peers in order to assert to myself that I don’t fit in their box thus making me tres individuel. However, by obsessing over the boxes that I didn’t fall within, I was failing to create my own, and I was essentially oppressing myself.

I think a lot of us do this we are labelled as a certain thing and feel an external pressure to adhere to these labels. I was recently watching The Real (yes I know it’s not as good since Tamar left) but they were discussing some backlash Solange got for tweeting about her love for love and hip hop. Basically, people claimed because Solange is ‘woke’ she shouldn’t be watching such things. I personally thought this was ridiculous because watching love and hip hop or ‘ratchet tv’ as they described it, doesn’t mean you’re not ‘woke’ (I put this is in quotes because I have slight internal conflict when it comes to this word, but that’s for a later discussion✌🏾️). The two are not mutually exclusive, and thinking they are is where the issue lies.

Too many people have a predetermined box that they want to fit within and thus try to mould themselves to do so, however, this doesn’t work because you can end up removing parts of your true self in order to fit it. Conversely, some people are obsessed with being different and one of a kind and they’re afraid that they will fall within the box so they may alter things about themselves in order to remain ‘unique’. Both of the above are just as bad as each other as all you end up doing is oppressing yourself and you ironically become inauthentic, and I’m pretty sure we weren’t fearfully and wonderfully made to now come and oppress ourselves.

The realisation I have had is that you really need to isolate yourself from external pressures and look within and to God 👀🙌🏾 to establish who it is we want to be. You shouldn’t obsess with being within a box or outside it. Rather, you should just bun the box and create your own circle, triangle or whatever it may be, and fully vibe in it.

“Don’t become so obsessed with being an individual and unique that you fail to actually establish who you are”
~Me 😁

Thanks for reading !! 💛