Regardless of your background, nothing shocks your system like the death of a loved one.
Pain, sadness, anger, confusion, denial and betrayal are difficult to swallow when they are compressed into an acidic mouthful and shoved down your throat. Without prior warning, this concoction might cause you to start choking on your own life.
December 31st 2014, I began to choke when I was told that my little sister unexpectedly passed away. She was perfectly healthy and happy before the accident. She even left me a Skype voicemail message a few days before:
“Hello, it’s me! I want you to get on a plane, and come for my birthday party next week! I’m going to be SIX! There will be a bouncy castle and lots of cake!!! Please come…. I love you”.
As instructed, I boarded a plane, but not for her birthday party.
When a chapter abruptly ends, you need resilience to endure challenging phases before moving forward.
Energy is created as a by-product of these phases, which can be channelled positively or negatively. However, that final decision is yours to make. At the time, I was in the final six months of my undergraduate degree. I could barely think one day ahead, let alone thinking about essay structures, society events or beyond graduating. Certain “small talk” questions really irritated me.
“So how are you REALLY feeling?”
“What’s next? What’s the plan after uni?”
“What’s everyone doing after they graduate?”
Honestly, I did not know how I was feeling, I just knew that I was numb. I also knew that my only plan was to take each day at a time.
My acceptance stage only commenced after my department offered me the choice to withdraw, and return the following year to complete my degree. After declining this suggestion, I realised that I was determined and ready to start healing. Whilst there are no guidelines for recovery, and people deal with situations differently, I gained strength through:
- God and prayers
2. A strong support system
3. Exercising daily
4. Writing a diary
5. Eating well
6. Surrounding myself with positive energy
7. Keeping busy
I made daily goals to stay busy. Honesty was key, which helped me to recognise in advance that some days would be worse. On those harder days, I made half-day goals. On extremely tough days, I divided my goals into four sections. I felt overjoyed when I achieved these, because I knew I was one step closer to accomplishing my main objective, which was to complete my degree.
In 5 weeks’ time, it will be New Year’s Eve again.
Nearly two years ago, I was close to dropping out of my undergraduate degree. Two days ago, I found out that I finished my master’s degree with a 2.1. More than anything, I am grateful that I have been able to make my little sister proud.
This year, I am looking forward to celebrating her life, instead of lamenting. I am looking forward to laughing when I think about our shared memories, instead of being sad that I cannot create more. I am looking forward to entering 2017 with a smile, because I know that even though she is not by my side in person, she is by my side in spirit.
Pain does not miraculously disappear. However, with time you grow stronger and start to cope better. In life, regardless of whatever pain you face, you always have the opportunity to choose how it affects you. Please choose wisely, and remember that there is always light after the darkness. ❤️
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