What’s it truly like living with your significant other?
Now, just to be clear, i’m talking from the perspective of being in my 20s , living with my boyfriend for just over a year and being a Londoner.
We’re young. 24 to be precise but what a difference a year can make. As we start to approach our mid-twenties, i’m starting to realise shit, we’re actually being grown-ups…together.
We both come from Caribbean backgrounds and we’ve sort of naturally slipped into the gender roles we both feel comfortable with. Being both of tradition and non-tradition.
For example:
- He takes out the bins every Tuesday morning (with my reminder of course whether he needs reminding or not)
- I make dinner when i get home, seeing as he finishes work two hours after me. It makes sense.
- He cooks on the weekends mostly, we both clean the house but he mostly cleans the kitchen.
- To add to that, if i cook, more time he cleans and vice versa. It’s balanced.
- He takes care of the plants lol because I unintentionally let them die. So far my cactus is still alive for the simple fact it doesn’t need much watering!
My point is, we let things naturally happen. It’s never been a set thing of expectations of how a man should do this or a woman should do that in a relationship. That works for us.
Don’t get me wrong, we clash multiple times and cuss at least once a day. And it’s always about something silly which makes it even funnier. One time, I asked him to make tuna pasta bake whilst I was getting dressed. I had already boiled the pasta, he just needed to add the rest of the ingredients and put in the oven. I call out to him from upstairs to ask him how many tuna tins he added but he paused before saying “umm…”
I said, ‘what’s wrong?’, he replied “ uhh..babe, I forgot to put the tuna in”. Instantly my blood pressure rose and my eyes widened because I couldn’t fathom how on earth he could forget the MAIN ingredient. I was already hungry and looking forward to eating my tuna pasta bake. I anticipated for it just to be betrayed and deceived. (Bit extreme but hunger makes you think irrationally) I cuss him! I cuss him so bad he never did it again loool! Now I look back and I can laugh but at the time it felt like war.
Then there are the days when we can debate about topics and challenge each others’ perspectives on things. Whether it’s about our heterosexual privilege and mindset regarding LGBT issues in the black community or deciphering a Kid Cudi album. It’s actually just refreshing coming home to your best friend and talking about any and everything past the limitations of a group chat.
The idea of romance for me has shifted, transformed and expanded once we moved in together. There really is no pressure for the extravagant , filtered or highlight of the day sort of romance. You begin to appreciate the little things just as much as the big things. They’re equally impactful. I like to gift in experiences and appreciate actions. It means you took the time to think of me within your actions and put in the work to make that thought a reality. Social media can sometimes warp people’s mindsets on this to assume that the everyday things mean a boring relationship. When in fact, those tings are the foundation and backbone to enable the bigger and bolder things in your relationship. You know where that person’s intentions lie because they show you snippets of it in the little things.
One last thing, sex. I almost forgot to mention that part haha. When you live together, your sex life will fluctuate in terms of how often you’ll have it. And there really isn’t a right answer for how many times you should make love in a week. It’s all a big stunt to make you feel insecure or unsure about your sex life. Work life in particular can really drain you and it’s usually that long as commute to and from work. It’s not easy trying to fit in everything in the last few hours of the day when you get home. Sometimes the warmth of having someone lie next you when you’re snoring and dribbling is enough. As well as those intimate moments only you two share in your shared bed and shared room. Balance is the way forward, remember that.
