Dating in Homoculture
I’ve decided not to date.
I’m not cutting myself off from finding a relationship, but perhaps I mean dating in the classic sense of cinema, dinner or a coffee date. I have realised that these can be the most awkward of events, scrabbling to find something to talk about. Some do work but I’ve often found those ones lead on to just coffee and friendship.
In homoculture I think we have cracked the dating game. As a keen observer of social apps I don’t think we conform to normative ideas. Dinner, drinks and coffee are available but so is straight forward sex with a regular buddy; a date where you see and experience what a guy is like in an embodiment of the ultimate intimacy you can have. a negotiation of what you like and don’t like.
For many this is the tester, the compatibility of sex that can make or break the next hook-up. Homoculture and sex can be much more direct; try before you buy. In that sense there is a lot to try, depending on where you live.
It doesn’t have to be sex though. The new dating can be a running partner or a gym buddy! Something that is a common activity or interest that both (or more) of you feel gets the interest juices going. But, does it all still come back to coffee and cake after? Could it be in homoculture we are making an addition to our dating experience that tests our attraction and the fitness of the potential yin to our yang?
If it does come to coffee and cake maybe this works out better because you have a common theme to chat about. Your first meeting will seem much more engaged than thinking that was an hour you won’t get back.
What I like about social situation implicit dating is I like to see what guys are like in real life situations. It’s the observationist in me (if such a word exists). A set date is all about best behaviour, being erudite and making an impression. But it can be a false situation.
Observing a guy through his interaction in a social situation is key for me. Which is why I prefer to get to know him in a less artificial setting. I feel you get depth of his personality because neither of you are on best behaviour mode; the canon of the dating game.
I was on a date once where he got very ‘food critic’ about how the restaurant served, and the quality, of food. We were in a Harvester style place. He was showing me his knowledge of food, but I was showing him a red flag.
Letting things go with the flow can have its drawbacks. Because, when do you officially brooch that you would like to start a relationship? I’ve been on holiday but I’ve been running of a morning. I’ve passed a few of the same guys who are much faster than me. One in particular the other morning was doing his final stretches near where I turn up for my apartments. I stopped too but quickly realised that I was just casting glances his way. I realised it was not a time to start a chat. Or maybe it was because we had a common interest in running and both found at 9am in the sun running.
In homoculture whatever way we position dating, or hook-ups if you prefer, there are a few of us who wish to be like the couple a group of us sat beside last night in The Yumbo; watching the world go by, arms intertwined as they sat. Something quite comforting about that.
How did they get to that point, dating, hook-ups or through a common interest? I’ll never know but, although I’m saying no to dating, I’m not saying no to other things Homoculture offers for being with guys.