Thoughts on ‘masculinity’ and ‘femininity’ in homosexuality
Why is there such a divide between ‘masc’ and ‘fem’ gays? Is there a growing toxicity about ‘masculinity’ in gay men?
What does it mean to be masculine within gay society? Well, let’s look at the dictionary definition of ‘masculinity’ and femininity’. The sole premise behind both definitions is that you are masculine or feminine if you possess the traditional qualities associated with the two genders. Hence get the two genders of ‘male’ and ‘female’.
These definitions in homosexuality are flipped on their side, as it were. The ‘traditional’ aspect of course no longer applies to the individual themselves because the homosexual relationship as a public institution is a relatively new phenomenon.
Masculinity: ‘possession of the qualities traditionally associated with men’
By ‘tradition’, all men, and hence all gay men, shoule be ‘masculine’, and identify as such. Yet, instead, we have a growing culture in the gay commuinity that there is a divide between men who are ‘masculine (henceforth: ‘masc’) and those who are feminine (henceforth: ‘fem’).
The gay community at surface- glance appears to have developed a division along neo-genders. Adopting the genders of the heterosexual, and indeed heteronormative, society LGBT+ people have for so long been weary of has created a gay community that views ‘masc’ and ‘fem’ gays differently.
Femininity: ‘the quality of being female; womanliness; possession of qualities traditionally associated with women’
Yes there are those of us (like myself) that don’t view the difference as that substantive, we are all gay after all, but when the some in the community adopt the ‘no fems, masc4masc’ approach, you do wonder if the divides are beginning to appear.
The conflict between ‘masc’ and ‘fem’ gays is one of the few issues of conflict between gay men. It seems no one can scroll through the social media app Grindr without seeing the ‘NO FEMs’ guy with his raving bio about how he is the opitomy of masculinity, crusading against the feminine gays on the app.
The anti-fem-gay agenda can really only be linked with the anti-woman movement that occurs in heterosexual and heteronormative society. It appears that the adoption of LGBT+ society into the ‘mainstream’ and into heteronormativity has led to the gay community to adopt the same line as anti- woman heterosexual men.
The growth in the ‘no fem’ and pure masc gay man has seen the adoption of a neo-misogynistic undertone to what it is to be both ‘masculine’ and gay. It has taken the gay community to a comparative society with that of heterosexual male/ female relationships, where men (masculine) are the dominant ones and women (feminine) are the submissive, passive ones.
But it extends beyond a submissive/ dominant relationship. It extends in a similar extent to the misogynistic nature of a patriarchal society, such as that in heteronormative society. The adoption of this masc-fem contrast in gay society means that patriachy no longer resides with ‘men’; it resides with all those who deem themselves dominant and those the dominant deem to be below them.
Does this situation appear to be creating a ‘toxicity’ around being ‘masculine’ and gay, though? Well, not exactly at least. Firstly lets look at this YouGov Opinion Poll:
The poll clearly shows the growingly negative image the term ‘masculine’ has among the general British public, partiuclalry among young men. So it appears that masculinity in a wider context is gaining a reputation for being ‘toxic’.
However, there is no reason why this should be the case. The ‘traditional’ trates of masculinity: strength, confidence, and independence, are trates everyone should aim for. And, yes, there are trates that are negative about ‘traditional’ masculinity, that should be cast out. Most notable with these is of course the (neo-)misogynistic and patriarchal behaviour that exists in our society because of a reliance on too much masculinity. But there are trates that need embracing.
More specifically on masculinity in gay society, it does appear that masculinity is becoming more ‘toxic’; and to some is even a simple joke. Saying #Masc4Masc because you put up a shelf, because you carried something heavy, or because you did something else ‘manly’ degrades the entire premise of masculinity.
I’m not a masculine guy myself, that’s something that should be put out there. And it is clear that the mega- masculine gay guys that shame feminine men for being such give themselves and ‘masc’ men a bad name. But joking about masculinity ignores some trates that should not be ignored, and should be encouraged in all individuals.
I also want to point out that I do not believe femininity in gay men has gone too far. My argument is not that we should be more ‘traditionally male’ as gay men. It is that we shouldn’t humour the masculine tendencies some men have, and the good ones we should encourage.
As an LGBT+ community we must come together and begin to deconstruct the heteronormative patriarchal institutions we have adopted. The ‘masc’/ ‘fem’ divide is based off of the divicive nature of heterosexual society between the patriarchal dominance of men and the submissive, passiveness of women. That isn’t a model we should be aiming to replicate. It’s one as LGBT+ people we should be rejecting all together.
Follow me on Twitter: @samdoespolitics
NB: for the purpose of this article I asked my twitter followers what it meant to be ‘masculine’. I therefore want to thank everyone of them that replied to this tweet:
