Too Black for the Gay Kids and Too Gay for the Black Kids
When Identities Intersect and You’re Left in Distress
Perspective brought to you by a cis male-queer-black-educated-able bodied person
Something that most of my close friends know about me is that I can not stand gay white men who are not conscious of intersecting identities. It is probably the bane of my existence. Some call it discrimination, I call it being pissed off because of racism within the gay community, something that I experience daily. I’m not a mandingo. Your interest in “chocolate” has nothing to do with my dark skin pigment although you think it does. Your preference of only whites on your Grinder profile is not a preference, it’s problematic and JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE GAY DOES NOT MEAN YOU CAN NOT BE RACIST.
Something that most of my really close friends know about me is that I can not stand heterosexual hyper masculine black men who are not conscious of intersecting identities. It is probably the bane of my existence. Some call it self hatred, I call it being pissed off because of homophobia within the black community, something that I experience daily. I’m not trying to destroy the black race. Your fear of me making other black children soft has nothing to do with my homosexuality although you think it does. Your prayers to make me straight again are not going to make me straight AND YOU PRETENDING THAT GAY PEOPLE CAN NOT ALSO BE BLACK IS NOT GOING TO MAKE US DISAPPEAR ALTHOUGH IT SEEMS YOU WANT US TOO.
As you can see, I am fed up. I’m so tired of being an objectified piece of meat for the hungry white guy or the basic black trade that floods my Grindr inbox. “I have a girlfriend but I like doing gay stuff with guys.” That’s cool, live your truth, but I am not about to be compared to Janet Jackson’s husband in For Colored Girls, no ma’am Pam! I will not be participating in the toxic DL culture that suppresses black individuality and intersecting identities. It’s 2016, you can be whatever you want to be and if that is not a luxury that you get to swing due to the environment you are in I feel for you heavily. I’ll be black and gay for the both of us so that one day everyone can be who they wanna be without being on the “down low.”
On the other side of this external fight for power by the systems around me, I am fed up with racism in the LGBTQIA+ community. Do not tell me it does not exist, because it does. Every kind of -ism is apparent in these spaces, even homophobia. Just because you are queer does not mean you transcend oppressive ideologies and problematic language. My go to example is the “no fats, no fems, no asians” thinking running rampant on all the hook up apps. I can only speak for myself but seeing a profile that explicitly says “I do not date anyone who is (insert marginalized group here because they never say white, cis gender, fit or masculine)” is disgusting. On the other hand, I will never trust a guy who only dates me because he’s never been with a black guy. I will never trust a guy if he only dates black guys because of physical attributes alone. I will never trust a guy who hits me up and tells me that I’m “blacker then you on the inside, so I can call you a nigga.” My skin tone does not mean I’m a walking stereotype who will fit into your sexual fantasy because I’m me.
My intersecting identities do not define me although I take pride in being a gay black man. I’m always going to be Isaac Sanders, first and foremost, although you see me as everything else first. Isaac is black, he’s pro-black, he’s loud, he’s into the Black Panthers, he wishes he was Langston Hughes, he’s got rhythm and listens to the blues. Isaac is gay, RuPaul’s Drag Race is the guiltiest pleasure for him without the guilt, he loves to Kiki and vogue everywhere he goes, he likes boys and he’s proud of his sexual identity. Isaac is also a lot of other things but he’s not just these separate compartments that can’t be pulled from at once. I, everyone, should not have to choose what they are each waking moment.
The thing that kills me is that so many people with intersecting identities are changing the world with their work. Audre Lorde’s identity was intersected with so many different experiences that her perspective still sheds light on the world today. (iconic!) Ball culture, voguing and everything that is modern day drag started during the Harlem Renaissance by black and brown queer folk burning the house down. Queer Civil Rights Activists exist but their queer identity is often erased from the conversation, Bayard Rustin. Marsha P. Johnson was a trans woman of color, a drag queen and the first person to throw a brick during Stonewall, don’t let that white washed film fool you. I’m only talking people of color and LGBTQ+intersections here but this is how the world works. We are not shaped by a single part of us, we are ourselves and the world forces these labels upon us.
I can be proud in the labels I have to carry in this society. I can be pro-black, celebrate pride, advocate for mental illnesses and understand the importance of the Underground Economy. I am a complex human being who has memories and perspectives that are my own and shared through family, friends and, recently, the world wide web. I just think it is absurd for me to have to choose a box or put up with blatant racism or homophobia because “I have to choose.” I’m not choosing, I refuse.
I’m Isaac Sanders and I am who I choose to be, me.
