The “Web-based Graphical Framework Troll” compiler announced to be self hosting by team

… Node … Mumble … Ruby … HTTP 500

Patrick Martin
Gadgetland
2 min readFeb 21, 2017

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Back in the day discussions on the web about GUI frameworks have long had the feature of being rapidly joined by commenters making statements like

When will Microsoft put the message loop on the web so we can use its power?

Some, like the one above are genius: they might well make you stop and wonder “is there something subtle and insightful here that I’m missing”: like a reference to

?

Well, Let me set your mind at rest: that comment was FROM THE 20TH CENTURY, when IE3 and Netscape 4 walked the earth.

So it was actually not so bright, on balance.

But this keeps cropping up

Reddit threads about Wayland

“why not use modern web technologies”. Much consternation ensues as attempts are mode to set the poster of this comment on the straight and narrow. These attempts are all fail as the poster appears to be mysteriously incapable of grasping that some system has to put the dancing pixels on the screen.

“why not use modern web technologies?”

The perennial X files human +alien DNA hybrid

on the lines of “I’m going to integrate Gtk and Node”, which inexplicably leads to a dead-end project.

“I’m going to integrate Gtk and Node”

The evil genius of embedding WebGL

Of course, the gunman on the grassy knoll in all these cases was the team behind all these comments, the shadowy “$TEAM”.

Well, it was all fun and games when web technologies were arcane and even your grandma didn’t have her own app.

Of course this ultimately didn’t scale.

$TEAM had a strategy of staying in the shadows, and over time worked on an alternative of having to lurk in various programming forums to spot when it’s time to emulate some jackass asking why “they can’t just use coffescript” in the comments on a thread related to [win32|x11|Wayland|whatever]. They worked on ensuring comments from these simulated dolts are now auto-generated by an ever-reactive and pervasive bot network.

For some time, the output was user moderated, with $TEAM training and tweaking the output, but now the announcement has gone out that the system is now self-hosting and running unsupervised, composing stupid comments about web technologies on demand 24/7 (and also, reportedly ported to Gtk 2, though that may have been a troll).

Truly the age of Derp As A Service is upon us and running on Node.

post scriptum

When we attempted to contact the team for now details, we only got a response that told us to use Node and submit a query using JSON schema.

It is suspected no actual humans have been in charge of $TEAM for several years

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Patrick Martin
Gadgetland

Person. blah blah about me ... WAIT CLIMATE CANCER WE CAN BEAT IT PEOPLE ... all opinions my own