3 AM Thoughts
I am writing because I feel it is important to live like a writer. I have been reading books lately related to manifestations that say it should not be "I want," "I desire," or "I wish," but "I am." So here I am living my "I am."
Is it wrong that I am pretending to be the "I am?" I want to be the "I am" as naturally as possible, but I also know that the motivation behind my actions is about being the "I am."
It is not like I don't want to write. It's just every day it's a struggle to come up with something to write about. Sometimes I wish it were as easy as just thinking about something and penning it down without second thoughts, without my monkey brain trying to be my uninvited critic. And I just realized there is an "I wish" again.
There are so many preconceived notions, assumptions that we use as an excuse to ourselves that hinder our path to learning something, that at some point we just give up and accept them as they are. When in fact the opposite should happen; more the resistance, the more is the force of push back should be. The end result is eventually you are going to learn to handle it and it will no longer be an excuse for you.
The "I AM" writer critiques his/her writing too because who doesn't, but not while they are writing. Maybe it writes first and then lets the inner critique intervene. It puts the skill of expression and imagination through writing first and then everything else. Maybe I should portray the "I AM" writer not as something different to me because currently I am being that.
I love when the writing is like waves: one moment you are enjoying the sunset view swimming on your back on the ocean bed, and the next moment a powerful current of water makes you struggle to keep your position. The sort of writing that feels natural as if you are reading someone's mind, and you get to observe the randomness and absurdity of one's thoughts, but then in a way, they all seem connected to one another. It's the sort of writing that makes you want to write.
Perhaps being the "I AM A WRITER" is just writing. Writing that might not be a literary delight, but writing your inner wilderness, writing to keep the show going and writing because YOU ARE A WRITER.
