A thunderstorm in Brittany
I’m not sure which came first, the illness or the waiting, but one seems to have led to the other and then turn and turn about. Waiting to get better, to feel normal. Waiting for the dawn to lighten the sky and the sea. Waiting to understand what I have been through and why. Waiting to feel a sense of purpose for the next few years of my life.
It all seems so nebulous somehow, unreachable, too much effort, as if my freewill has set itself afloat on a boat that now sails across uncertain tides and darkened dawns. Where is this leading would be my cry if I had the energy to raise my voice, but I don’t.
This is not like me, in my younger years I would have raged against the injustice, or the unfairness of what I was dealing with. Or embarked, self blinkered into determined activity sure of my ground, or at least in full denial about my lack of expertise in whatever it was I was embarking on.
Determination and bloody mindedness got me though, I would explain it to myself as ‘courage’, but it was much closer to denial and for most of my life it worked, but not now.
Now the enormity of this Force we call Creation nestles around me like a slumbering mystery that I can feel, but not touch. I feel known by It, and although I sense it, I cannot not comprehend it at all.
It is as if every movement I have made, every thought I have ever had, every action and inaction, every love and every denial of Love has left its mark within this mystery.
Captured in a dust mote of Light that reflects my singular journey through Creation, it waits to be understood and accepted by the energy of my heart when nothing else remains in matter.
As I watch the lightening awaken the sky around me, I know that my life, any life, is but one brief spark of that greater Light.
As much as I want to understand the mystery of Creation I also do not because then I will have to accept how small I am, we all are, and how great It is.
In my later years, I have begun to appreciate the enormity of the gift of life, the opportunities, the pitfalls, and the blessings. Gratitude swells inside me not just for the gifts of nature and nurture, but also my awareness of the supreme patience afforded to humanity, both singular and collective.
The power of the Love that accommodates destruction and denial in pursuit of learning. The measured power behind the thunderstorm that surrounds me now, and maintains this blue planet in its orbit of life.
Within all thunderstorms, there is anticipation, a sense of vulnerability as every brief flash of light is a reminder of the supreme power of Creation.
And yet here we all are, brief flashes of Light ourselves, all infinite as well as transitory. All capable of filling the darkened skies with Light, all capable of cooperating with Creation and uncovering Its mystery and Its wonder even as we bow our heads to Its power.
© ZD Finn 2023
Finn runs a healing and meditation practice in London, publishes her own inspired journals, and offers mentoring to those seeking to strengthen their own soul connection.
