Death lives in the valley.
This moment was meant for me
The complexities of a butterfly will forever astonish me…
I recently stumbled upon a TikTok that unraveled the mesmerizing processes of a butterfly’s becoming. Normally, nature content isn’t my undoing, but there was something so astonishing about witnessing the rawness of this process up close. Imagine this: a plump green caterpillar inching its way up a brittle branch. As the inevitableness of change dawns on this little creature, it begins to brace itself for the unknown. There is no panic, just preparation. It anchors itself to the branch with a silky substance. Then, with the utmost calm, turns itself inside out to create a cocoon out of its own being. Purposeful isolation for a new life worth living.
It amazes me how consistently humans mimic nature. God knew what he was doing because everything around us preaches something. We are the caterpillar and the butterfly. We are the old and the new thing. There will be moments meant for us to be to be transformed; to die to old versions of ourselves in intimate settings with the Father.
Am I dead, yet?
If I’m honest, death has always been a touchy subject for me. The uncertainty; the unpredictability is frightening. How easily life will come and go has never settled well with my understanding. Yet, Jesus calls us to die, daily. Why?
“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” (Matthew 16:24–25)
My understanding is this: there is more for me to gain outside of mortal livelihood. Even with this conclusion in mind, I still desire to live a healthy long life. I want to be a creative! I want to touch souls through my unique perspective on life. I want to travel the world. I want to own a business. I want to be a motivational speaker. I want to be married and start a family. I want to be so successful that I’m able to bless my parents for all they’ve sacrificed for me.
There are an endless amount of things I want to accomplish while I’m here on earth, but then I consider the gospel.
Each of Jesus’ disciples abandoned their chosen identity to follow Jesus. No hesitation, just faith. Peter the fisherman. Matthew the tax collector. Simon the Zealot…they all had a title before meeting Jesus. The question is am I willing to lay my passions and desires down to follow Him with everything I have?
Maturing in Christ is acknowledging how much my hopes and dreams can distract me from my one true purpose: Knowing God intimately and spreading his love to others who desperately need it as much as I do.
For a time, all my wants consumed me. It's all good things that I want, but there is nothing better than being in step with God’s will for my life. Picking up my cross daily is knowing and trusting that however, God chooses to unfold my life is for the betterment of my future. I have faith that God didn’t grant me all these gifts for them to be dormant. Once I lay it all down, he’ll show me how to make use of what my heart desires.
How do I know when it's time to die to self?
For me, it's simple: When everything I put together with my own hands begins to fall apart.
Rivers still flow through the valley
Y’all know that saying when it rains, it pours? Well, in this season, I feel like I’m drowning in the valley.
Transparently speaking, I have serious control issues. I’m learning that I don’t trust God with my life as much as I gave myself credit for. Compartmentalized faith has always been my demise. I’ve come to this place over and over because the minute I get the opportunity to trust God with my everything, I fold. But this time I want the outcome to be different.
This time, I’m choosing to die.
“I want to know Christ — yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,” (Philippians 3:10)
Paul’s message to the city of Phillipi is pretty intense. At that point, Paul had experienced more suffering than we ever will in this lifetime. Nevertheless, what he says is applicable in any situation. To follow Christ is to understand hardships inevitably come in every season, but if in the end, God gets the glory, then anything is worth losing. This perspective shift is imperative to surviving this very temporary life.
Still, a tough pill to swallow, I know. Sometimes, isolation from the things we think we need to feel accomplished, or loved, is the only way to create a space to hear Jesus clearly.
There is something beautiful about the valley that's easily overlooked if we’re not careful. Jesus wouldn’t call us to a daily death to self with no intentions of reviving us into a better life– into a better version of ourselves. This process isn’t easy. It's seldom a quick-lived experience. It requires grit. It calls us out of comfort into vulnerable places we forget exist within ourselves.
But, when I think about purpose, and how Jesus suffered on the cross for our sins, I’m reminded that no one is exempt from this grief. Dying to myself is a daily act I escape on most occasions. on my good days, I am only slightly battered. My bruises, a gentle hue. but maybe…just maybe if I would just die a little bit easier, I wouldn’t feel so heavy.
I wouldn't be so thirsty for more…
To my bewilderment, I’ve found that rivers still flow through the valley. Psalms 23:2–3 is a precious testimony of David that says, “he makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.” Our souls thirst for living water.
Redemption is free.
& resurrection is waiting in the valley.
