Don’t Learn Self-Care from Others
The importance of shutting out the world and tuning into your body and mind
The internet has a dangerous power to turn anything into a trend, and self-care wasn’t spared.
For the past few years, we’ve been flooded by social media posts setting a standard for what it means to look after your body and mind.
It feels like we’ve reached a point where the aesthetic of self-care matters more than the practice itself. If you don’t wrap yourself in a beige blanket and hold an oversized cup of matcha, you’re not doing it right.
Let’s take a closer look at how it came to this, and then we’ll explore a healthier approach to this fundamental aspect of your well-being.
The Self-Care Competition
From LinkedIn gurus to Instagram influencers, hyper-energized Type As have managed to find yet another category for their productivity contests — who takes the best care of themselves.
I’m sure you’ve seen plenty of posts on morning self-care routines along the lines of:
“I wake up at 5 am to go for a run, meditate, do yoga, meal-prep for the week, and set my intentions for the day before getting to work at 7 am.”
I have nothing against such activity-packed routines — on the contrary, I genuinely admire the people who have them. The problem is, those who need self-care the most typically don’t have the motivation or willpower to go through a 15-point checklist.
At the same time, people who have this sort of drive advertise their way as the right one. If you do anything less, you don’t love yourself enough.
Trying to meet such high (and often unrealistic) standards often backfires and causes self-contempt or judgment, undermining the sole purpose of self-care. Plus, it stops you from exploring the less Instagrammable but more effective ways to pause and re-energize.
Your Body Knows What It Needs, So Tune Into It
Yes, things like cooking a nice meal or lighting scented candles are great forms of self-care. But so is staring at the wall, screaming into a pillow, and telling someone who hurt you to go f*ck themselves.
The exact beauty of self-care is that there’s no one-size-fits-all solution — you only need to ask one question:
“What would feel good right now?”
Don’t limit the answers to what others preach. Even the most ubiquitous practices might not do anything for you. Take my example:
The Importance of Trial and Error
When I was searching for the best ways to manage my anxiety, running popped out all over Google. Everyone knows it’s good for you, and a ton of research has confirmed its mental health benefits.
In my case, it was a disaster, especially in the beginning. Not only did running fail to help, but it often made things worse.
How so?
Well, I had the stamina of an average 70-year-old, so even a quick run would cause symptoms resembling an anxiety attack — racing heart, sweating, and shortness of breath.
I realized I needed something less disturbing and tried mindful walks instead, which made a massive difference. Whenever I’d notice anxiety getting out of hand, I’d take a slow walk to my favorite spot:
Taking a walk in the woods is hardly a ground-breaking relaxation strategy, but it helped me more than any quasi-innovative technique suggested by self-care “pros”. My body was telling me to take it slow, and I listened.
What’s Your Method?
Don’t get me wrong — I’m not saying you shouldn’t take anyone’s advice when forming your self-care routines. But you also shouldn’t force yourself to enjoy something just because it’s trendy or a role model is doing it.
Experiment with different approaches, and remember the golden rule — if it takes conscious effort, it’s not working. Amid all the things that bring you discomfort, at least your self-care process should feel natural, pleasurable, and uniquely yours.
Give yourself the freedom to explore, and don’t compare your techniques to those of others. Everyone recharges differently, so find what brings you the most joy and stick to it.
