Oh god, is it that time of year again? Like a mix of Santa Claus and brain-eating parasite, Steam is rumored to be launching its 2013 Summer Sale tomorrow.
Don’t get me wrong, I love deals as much as the next guy, but something comes over me that I imagine is the same thirst for blood that grips old ladies who fight over marked-down meat and veg. The red mist descends and I wake up with a credit card bill I can barely pay and a profound feeling of regret.
Some people approach the sales with a strategy, like Malorajan who shared his wisdom with Reddit users.
Unfortunately, I dive into the sea of bargains, forget I need an adult and promptly drown.
Will I play all the games I buy? No. Probably not. But maybe I will! This fiction of probabilities sustains my fervent shopping spree.
But I am not totally guided by wild QVC-whoreism. I have two questions that I ask myself before I click that “Purchase for Myself” button:
“Is the game less than $10?”
“Do you really, really want to play this?”
If the answer to both is yes, I buy it. If the answer to the first question is no, then I tend to wrestle with my conscience before giving in to the darkness and forking out.
It wouldn’t be so bad if I were getting my money’s worth, but my Steam library reads like a list of Holiday Sale sins: of 132 games, 89 have seen less than an hour of my time (at least according to Steam’s tracking). This is a secret shame I must forever hide from my wife.
The truth is: I am a hoarder! I’ve hoarded books, DVDs, MP3s and now games. Now that I’ve accepted that fact, perhaps I can move on. I mean, on the bright side, I will never be bored again… right?
In the past few weeks I can’t even count the times that I have sat and scrolled through those 138 games, browsed an increasing list of games from GOG and other stores, and perused my stack of console games before sighing with indecision and a distinct lack of motivation.
This must stop right here!
Game-Life Balance - the channel you are reading right now - was created with the express purpose of pushing me through those sidelined games. Between Steam’s new trading cards and this new penance for my sins, I hope to whittle that 89 down to something far less shameful.
May Gabe Newell have mercy on my soul.
Hail Mary, full of grace…