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The Brutal Truth About People Pleasing

The elephant you can’t afford to ignore

Manj Bahra
3 min readMay 31, 2024


Just this weekend, I was talking to a client who wanted to break a pattern of people-pleasing.

Can you relate? (I know I can!)

As far back as she could remember, she had always put others first.

It was second nature not to speak up, avoid making too much fuss, and go above and beyond — especially in her community (South-Asian).

Now she’s older and more aware. Not only that, but the pattern has seeped into many areas of her life:

  • At work with co-workers, other teams, her bosses (taking on extra work, saving the day)
  • With friends (not wanting to say no or let them down)
  • With her family (worrying about what her parents think and trying to keep them happy)
  • When shopping (feeling bad about not purchasing from a small business or ending services)
  • In dating (being extremely accommodating, dating everyone, not knowing how to say not interested)

It’s so exhausting that she has no energy.

But more importantly, she’s not getting what she wants.



Manj Bahra
Modern Dating Wisdom

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