Fear It, Do It: Finding Confidence Through A Gap Year
By Sofia Vizcarrondo, UnCollege Fellow
I used to believe the world was against me. In the dark corners of my mind, fear festered, and scurried through like mice in a dilapidated wall. I looked at life through distorted goggles, making the smallest things towering mountains that I could never fully understand. The things that ran through my mind were not what the world wanted them to be.
Friendships, schoolwork, and college applications were insignificant. I didn’t care. I was stuck in a negative spiral that kept me unproductive, sad, and numb to anything around me. Even though layers and layers of insecurities, fears and doubts weighing on me, I still had a flame burning deep inside, yearning for something more. And for a brief second, I let it burn.
I left home spring of my senior year for the unknown. I yearned for the freedom to be me and to chase the dreams I always knew I could make a reality. I cut that final rope with the system that had been pulling me down and, like a hot air balloon, I flew. I left my home in Puerto Rico for New York City with five hundred dollars in my pocket and the clothes on my back.
For the first time in years, I smiled from cheek to cheek as I walked New York City’s streets. I walked till my feet bled and my shoes tore because I could. Even though I felt free for the first time in my life in that bustling city, I knew it wasn’t a place for a girl with empty pockets. So, I hopped on a greyhound bus to the Midwest where I got a job on the salesfloor.
All my fears and insecurities and self-doubt came flooding back, threatening to put out that flame I had so tenderly nurtured. I remember my eyes darting around the building in fear as I cowered behind my supervisor that very first day. However, I knew I couldn’t let my anxiety control me, and I learned one of the most important lessons so far: Feel the fear and do it anyway. In the six months I worked on that salesfloor, I went from trying to hide from customers to a top performing sales woman in her department, with amazing mentors and a new found addiction to challenge.
To continue my growth, I made a difficult decision. I had discovered the gap year program UnCollege, designed to foster self-directed learning and personal growth, and knew that the challenges presented in the curriculum would help me grow into the individual I had always wanted to be; a fearless leader with a drive to create.
I shipped myself off to India where I was to meet three strangers and navigate a foreign country with the goal of teaching underprivileged children English. I was pleasantly surprised to find myself unafraid for the first in my life. I dove into a pool of the unknown headfirst with no qualms and found myself swimming in the chaos, smiling.
India and the great friends I made there helped me come out of my shell and taught me a great lesson that I had never been able to wrap my head around previously. Everyone is human. Everyone is fallible and struggling with their own unique set of problems. The world does not revolve around me or you. That fear of judgment and failure that I had carried for the entirety of my life faded away when I realized that no one is perfect. It’s okay to fail, it’s okay to be imperfect. We connect with others when we see this humanness, this fallibility in each other.
With this epiphany in my mind, I had newfound confidence in myself and in the world around me. I finally did not let the dark corners of my mind dictate who I was and who I wanted to be. I left India and found myself in San Francisco as part of the second phase of the UnCollege Gap Year. I immediately became addicted to the entrepreneurial spirit of the city and, with confidence and drive, I began to produce and do things I never thought I was capable of.
Alongside twelve other inspiring humans, I grew exponentially as I explored the professional world and my interests. Without fear slowing me down, I chased the dreams and ideas I had in my brain. I taught myself music production and produced an EDM track. I created a course designed to teach people about cryptocurrencies. I developed a professional image through designing a resume, building a portfolio, and learning the power of mutually beneficial networking. I taught myself interpersonal commutation skills and expanded my network from CEO’s to artists. I gained enough confidence throughout this gap year that could put my anxiety and fear aside and speak publicly for the first time. The most important thing I was able to accomplish that required motivation, interpersonal skills, drive and not fearing failure (all things I didn’t have prior to this year) was building my own company, which today has clients and superb potential for growth.
This year has taught me an innumerable amount of essential life lessons. From the importance of the human connection to bias towards action, this new insight into the world has me excited for my future. Today I am interning at a fabulous company and tomorrow I will be starting college. I am so grateful for this gap year, for the people I’ve grown with, and for my life.
