My Gap Year: Focusing On Life — Not Just School.
By Lizzie Youshaei, UnCollege Fellow ‘17.
My dreams of being a crime fighting astronaut who was also a backup dancer for Beyonce were short lived. Growing up, I thought I could do anything, and I am grateful that my parents always pushed me to pursue whatever path I wished to follow.
As kids, we are allowed to be anything we want without ever being asked why. We are allowed to dream up the wildest ideas and the craziest careers and no one ever bats an eye. As we get older, we need to dive deeper into the logistics of our chosen paths: Is it reasonable? Realistic? Respectable? By the time we are 19 years old, we are choosing a path for our future not because we necessarily love it, but because it’s feasible.
When I was in elementary school, I would often wake up in the middle of the night and put on my clothes for the next day because I couldn’t wait for the day to begin. In middle school, I signed a contract with my dad which ensured that he would drive me to school early every morning if I agreed to practice piano for an hour each night. And while this may seem like a lose-lose situation for me, it wasn’t. I loved everything about school: the hellos in the hall, the interesting class discussions, and changing for gym class — it was all exciting to me.
I can’t tell you what changed by my freshman year of high school, but everything I did was motivated by my desire to get into college rather than genuine curiosity. I picked classes and extracurriculars based on what I thought would look most attractive on my resume, I fought for leadership positions on teams I didn’t even care about, and I sacrificed sleep in hopes of moving my A- in English to an A.
Eventually, I was burnt out, forcing myself to do things I hated all so that I could get into my dream school. I thought that college was the ticket to happiness. I thought that four years of suffering in high school would be worth it for my letter of acceptance, but that wasn’t the case. A few days after being accepted to the University of Pennsylvania, I felt more confused, lost and emptier than ever before.
The truth is is that I was nothing more than my GPA and resume. I had no real interests, I spent a year in AP Biology learning the difference between a eukaryotic vs. prokaryotic cells when I couldn’t care less, and I ruined friendships over leadership positions. I was wearing a facade for four years, and when I was able to finally take it off, I didn’t know who I really was.
It felt like I had spent the last four years of my life working towards my parents’ dream and the respect of others, never really doing anything for myself. Because of this, the idea of immediately going to college wasn’t extremely appealing to me. I thought I would fall into the same cycle of producing for others and working to eventually get a job at a place like Google or Apple merely for the prestige. Wanting to escape that cycle, I started looking into gap years.
Simply, this year has changed my life. I’ve learned to laugh at myself, practice a growth mindset, and move past insecurities that I’ve dealt with for years. This year has given me friends from all over the world and has allowed me to love myself for the first time in my life. Even my parents, who were skeptics, have transformed into full advocates for gap years. Now they invite other hesitant parents to our house to convince them why gap years are great.
I spent this last year teaching English in Bali, Indonesia, traveling across India and studying media production as well as social entrepreneurship in San Francisco. I don’t exactly know when I began to transform, but I can tell you that I have never been happier in my life. I wake up every morning excited for my day to begin, I want to try new things and stretch out of my comfort zone, and for the first time I believe that I can achieve anything I work hard at.
When this journey began I was constantly doubting myself and my passions. This year was the first time where I was okay with giving things a try even though I didn’t necessarily know where it was going. It was the first time in my life where I had the opportunity to just do whatever peaked my interest. With no one assigning me papers or forcing me to memorize useless facts for an exam, I started learning things because I genuinely wanted to.
I allowed myself to follow my love for documentary style film and non-profit work. I cold e-mailed and met over 100 people and I’ve spoken to some of my greatest role models like Sheryl Sandberg (COO of Facebook). More than anything, this year off has given me a new thirst for life and learning. I’m excited about the future for the first time and I’m excited to make a difference in this world.
Gap years are extremely uncommon in my hometown. Many thought I was dropping out of college and destroying my future, but this year has done the exact opposite. I’m excited to spend the next year learning and focusing my time on the subjects and people I care most about. This year has changed my life in the most amazing way, and I can’t wait to share my memories from this time with others for the rest of my life.
So, thank you. Thank you mom and dad for discussing world politics at the dinner table and for all the time abroad growing up. You two have ingrained a deep curiosity in me to explore and your support this year has meant the world. Thank you to my friends and extended family who kept in contact with me despite the terrible WhatsApp phone connection, and for always motivating me to continue working hard even when my heart refused. Thank you to my beautiful students in Bali, and for everyone else I met along this wonderful journey. You have each shaped me in the most beautiful ways: the lessons I’ve learned from you and memories we shared are some that I will always keep close to my heart. Lastly, thank you, the reader, for reading about my journey. I hope this was able to provide you with someone comfort if you are struggling with the idea of the future and some inspiration to take the next great step in your life.
Check out Lizzie’s work here: https://www.facebook.com/WatchInOurNeighborhood/
To learn more about Lizzie’s gap year program, visit UnCollege.org
