What if I was just a thought…
I do have a penchant for thinking, overthinking, and even thinking up the unthinkable. The way my thoughts veer me around, manipulate me and take complete control is sometimes scary. Although, I am a tough cookie, I am sure something between my ears is not quite alright.
So, this idea recently became rooted in my mind after bingeing on mind-bending conspiracy theories across the Net and more so after the revival of the Matrix. I don’t generally have a realistic view of the world and my thoughts have a way of spiraling outwards and towards entropy but this was way too out there even for me. And thus, one thing leads to another in my head and I come to obvious conclusions and in some cases outright weird ones too. That must happen to most of us, right?
My train of thoughts led me to consider if my thoughts were actually a real person. I, on the other hand, a moving, breathing entity, am just a projection of the thoughts of this person, a figment imaginary of what goes on in their heads — just a thought. What if I was simply a light bulb in someone else’s existence in a timeline different to my understanding, something like a moment’s reflection in a pool I cannot see? It’s beyond my comprehension because I am in it, a part of it. And, then I vanish as that consciousness stops gazing and moves away from that pool or ether. I don’t know what came before me or what comes after. Viewed this way, my theory does hold some weight.
But, as with all my deep thinking and crazy ideas, I have my doubts. As a thought, how am I conscious of myself? Do I know myself? Do my thoughts know themselves? Are we a small link in this fissional series of projections? One thought splitting into many like cells dividing progressively,, exponentially. Or, a supreme consciousness could be projecting all of us — moving, drifting in and out of existence, disappearing as another thought overtakes our purpose, superseding us. Are we then just manifestations of a perceived reality? Why, then, are we so petty, small-minded, and self-destructive? Is that embedded into the frequency at which we are projected like coded secret messages which are meant to be destroyed upon serving their purpose?
I am no spiritualist but vague paradoxical thoughts seize me from time to time and they don’t let go. Thoughts having thoughts are much like dreaming within a dream. Stated that way, it is a plausible explanation as to why we feel useless sometimes and extremely spiritually elevated at other times. One day I am questioning the purpose of my mundane existence and the other, I am thrilled with the work I am doing. It may also have to do with my overactive limbic system, who knows!
That said, to me, all of this feels as ASMR (Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response)as peeling off dried glue off of one’s fingers. I wrote all of this and put the glue on your fingers now. Hope you enjoyed peeling it off. Did you?
