Arielle Howell // A New Type of Freedom
Arielle is one of those people that exudes an abundance of grace. She lives fully free, wild in the moment, and there’s something about her presence that draws you in. She listens to the way that nature speaks, creates melodies of her own, and is full of wisdom. We sat down a while back to talk about her new endeavors, insecurities, and the inspiration of the everyday.
I’m so intrigued by you — you’ve lived here in California for your whole life. I’m also intrigued by what it looks like for you to be creating in this time. It’s just such a challenging and wild and weird time, but I also feel like it’s brought out some of the best things for a lot of people. What does it look like in this season to create?
Arielle: Yeah, for some people it was a miserable transition type thing — where it’s like, now they can’t get into studios and they can’t collaborate and everything. But for me it was actually kind of a godsend because my dad is an audio visual guy and he’s a musician, so we have a studio at home. It’s not like we even got all this stuff ourselves, it was just blessings upon blessings …it’s like we have this whole home studio. Me being on lockdown without having to be so confused about it — like, should I be doing music? Should I get a full time job? Work got taken from me and I had the excuse of like — actually, it’s okay that I don’t work. Literally I can’t [work]! And so I was able to sit down and write in the studio and spend time in there and wake up when I want, to go to sleep when I want to, and be creative. The irony is the mental push for that because it’s not like I was just in there pumping out songs, obviously — I’m not releasing my first until this month. It was like a lot of mental…blocks. I had to push through to do it.
Just like faith itself, what I’m creating is just the obedience of showing up in the moment. I’m not gonna wait till I feel like it. I’m going to show up because this is what I am designed to do. This is what bleeds out of me. And just to show up in a quiet space and sit quietly, or to push things out — whatever it would look like I would just show up to it. And I mean on top of that with the music — painting and stuff came back in.
What kind of mental blocks were you facing, and what served as inspiration for you and your creativity?
Arielle: Sometimes it runs pretty deep. But one of the ultimate things I think we all deal with — and it manifests differently — is insecurity. For me, it was just hard to sit down in the studio. It was just hard to go in and write. I’d write something and I wouldn’t like it, or my mind would just be elsewhere. Whatever it would be, it was just really overcoming self and grit. There you go. That’s the word I’m looking for. I learned a lot about perseverance and grit, despite emotions, because I’m a very deep feeler. But there’s a point where you learn to take advantage of the emotions you feel, instead of letting the emotions you feel take advantage of you. To learn that just because you’re an artist, it doesn’t mean you have to press into dark feelings — because sometimes that’s actually a temptation to get stuck in a hole. You create light. And you fight the darkness with the light of what you create instead of always creating darkness out of dark spaces, you know? So I learned what it means to have grit. Where there’s no grit, there’s no pearl.
[With] clams, an irritant gets in there which is what grit is — [something] like sand. An irritant gets in the mouth, and then it covers it with something consistently called knacker, which is Mother of Pearl, and that’s how the pearls developed from that constant irritant. So…my emotions poking at me, I respond with grit and pressing. It’s like a twofold word, and I coat it with praise or coat it with the obedience of showing up and doing what I know I was designed to do, instead of letting it beat me down, you know? It’s like I’m developing this passion or perseverance, which is the verb of grit. That’s what’s been the challenge [for me]. I choose not to look back with regret to say that I just didn’t put out enough because I realized what I was learning in the pressing was that I was developing this characteristic of grit and biding and pressing through stuff.
Everything inspires me.
I mean nature does speak louder than a lot of other things but like, I’ll watch something and I can see how someone holds someone else’s hand that inspires me. I could see someone argue — that inspires me. I’m very, very detail oriented when I’m in a space which is why I like nature. There’s so many different elements and parts of the senses to smell, to touch. You can actually feel the ocean hit the sand. If you’re still enough, you feel the sand vibrating — all the elements of it. It’s the same with people and how they interact, and how I process that and how I feel it. I’m just highly sensitive to my environment.
What are the things you’ve learned from nature this year?
Arielle: That’s so good, my face hurts and it’s already smiling. Ah, man. A lot of my poetry comes from that, and processing. I feel like nature just is. Let’s put it this way: a tree is a tree and it’s being a tree. And that is worship, because it’s doing what it’s been spoken over to do and designed to do. And it’s being that tree. The ocean is ocean. It moves the moon and the tides as I’ve learned from the book and it’s doing what the ocean does, and it’s freely rejoicing in that it’s almost like it’s singing a song up to every time you hear a crash.
I was watching this pelican the other day while I was at the beach and the wave came up and…I was like, oh, that’s a big wave! But it’s just gliding with his wings [and] brushing it because it’s what it’s designed to do. And it has no fear of it because it’s just free. And I think of the many, many, many things that come out of nature for me — because I could have you here all day — the state of just being is where I just draw things from nature. It’s like the quietness, but the ocean I think more recently has taught me some of the biggest things about freedom and letting go and just being. I used to have — as much as I love the ocean — a really bad fear of when I couldn’t feel the ground. I’d go out and the moment i’d feel it pulling me it’s just like, I’m back on shore! If my feet would get off the ground I’d panic, and I’d get tense. Honestly, 85% of the time, panic kills people faster than the ocean, because it’s not the water — if you know how to stay relaxed and navigate it you’re okay. But when you panic, you don’t think straight, your chest expands, your muscles get tense, and then you sink because you’re more dense and tense. I remember watching my friends swim out in the ocean and I was like, I want that type of freedom. And then something inside was just like, so just go. And so I did it. Now there’s this new type of freedom of letting the waves just roll under me. Learning how to get out of the impact zone. Learning that when you’re in the impact zone, hold your breath real good! Because you’re about to get wiped out. And just roll with it and get back up and find a way to get the sand out of the uncomfortable place.
Can you paint me a picture of what freedom looks like for you?
Arielle: Being present in every space that I’m in. I don’t think freedom is necessarily circumstantial. If I were to look at the physical things and tell you [about] freedom — freedom would be having my own tiny house and a band and my own airplane where I can fly wherever I want without trouble. That’s how most people say freedom [exists]. All the money I need! Student loans paid off! If that was the case, none of us would ever be free. It’s such a state of mind, and it comes from security. Like I’ve mentioned before, security is a thing but when your foundation is sturdy, what you base your identity in, and I can sit here and feel free, just because I’m comfortable with where I’m at. I’m just meant to be here, being so present to now while still thinking and being wise about the future. I’m not trying to be like, freedom! Let me buy everything! No, freedom is being able to just be and not feel bound by any counterfeit freedoms. That’s the thing. A guy asked me the other day, “How do you maintain balance? I need to smoke weed. What do you do?” He thinks weed is his freedom, but if you are dependent on something and you realize you can’t function without your cup of coffee in the day, if you can’t go on a 24 hour hike because you’re too scared you won’t be able to check your phone or access coffee or check in on a friend or be checked on, you’re bound by that. You should be able to be anywhere without a fear of being without something, because that thing that you have a fear of being without is usually you’re bound to.
What is the process of creating like for you?
Arielle: It looks different every time with music. Sometimes I’ll be walking down the street and — it’s really funny — someone will drop something. And it sounds like a certain rhythm and then, next thing, you know my mind is just lit up. I hear a melody and then I hear the guitar piece and one of my more recent songs that I worked on — dude. It was so cool. Just how it worked. I’m sitting there, it’s midnight, and I’m like, okay yeah, I just recorded the piano. That’s it.
The moment I finished the piano, I listened to the piano track. As I go through, I hear drums and I’m like, okay, I’ll put that down. It goes down and then I’m like, okay, I’m going to go to bed now. I finished the drums and then I heard a guitar lick, and I just added that on. It just layers and then like I go to sleep, wake up in the morning, and I listen, like — this came out of me!?
Other days, it’s like trying to squeeze water out of a dry washcloth. It’s the grit, it’s just showing up. I’m like, I know there’s moisture here! I wrote a spoken word for the church that I sat on all day, and I was waiting. It’s because my creativity comes from a source outside of me. I don’t know if this is a Christian thing, but it’s a God thing. I’m not trying to do it by my might, or by my power, but literally by the Spirit. I sometimes get the words and they flow free — other days, I’m reminded about how dependent I am, and that I am not the source of this stuff and I have to sit and wait, and be obedient, and stare at a piece of paper for hours without anything coming. And then at the last minute, I get a whole poem. I finished that poem a minute before I went to bed. Then I just did it in the morning, and that’s what it looked like.
What do you enjoy the most about the process of creating?
Arielle: I admit that I need to learn patience. I mean, we all do, because there’s several forever extremes of patience that we’re forever learning. I admit I love seeing the finished product. But I’m learning how much better the process is…I had a piece I was working on and I was so frustrated because the middle of the process — it wasn’t looking like a finished product, obviously, because it was the process.
I learned just to be still and rest in doing it and enjoying it, and then have the product. If you rush through something it’s like — we don’t create just to dish stuff out. It’s an act of freedom and… something intangible and visual that you are bringing into [the world]. It’s like you’re almost a black hole, a wormhole portal of bringing an idea that didn’t have substance — like it comes through yourself and it becomes an actual thing in reality that no one has ever, ever done before. That’s the coolest part. No one has ever in their entire lives painted exactly what I painted, with the strokes in these exact places and these colors. I just made something that’s never been seen before.
Where have you personally seen growth in yourself in this past year?
Arielle: Here comes another analogy. I was given this vision of what insecurity is like in my life, and it’s like this big, fat, ugly tree. A massive weeping willow tree with these roots on my heart growing in and out through every part of it. It’s like a big black tree and it looks like someone reached in and pulled open the trunk where it stretched and [there’s] this hole in the middle. Then there’s this little green sprout, and that little green sprout is love. What I’ve learned about insecurity is that….if that tree were to be ripped straight out of my heart, it would wreck me because it’s so interwoven in a lot of my behaviors and thought processes and the way I view myself or interact with people or how I feel when I leave interacting with people. The hyper analysis. Like I said, I’m detail oriented, so if that’s projected on myself, it’s kind of a downward spiral. But what I’ve learned is when we want to grow in an area, that means we have to face it head on. And so if we’re going to deal with insecurity or if we’re going to deal with rage or anger, we need to be put in the same exact situations that would cause it to come out of us, and choose the alternative of not responding in the way we used to. In order to break bad habits, you need to face the moments, and choose the good habit, which takes a lot, but it’s like going back to the tree analogy every time that I face a moment that would cause me to feel insecure, whether it’s in a group of people, or I’m like, on Instagram.
I choose, no, I don’t accept that thought. I’ll look in the mirror, and just say like, yo, you’re beautiful. And every time I say it, it’s like a chop at that tree. But if a tree has been sitting there for 100 years — a 100 year tree is far deeper and far stronger than a tree that’s only been there for a year or a day, which is why thought-life is important. If I receive a thought and I choose not to address it and cast it down, that’s a seed planted and I won’t realize there’s a new tree growing and then I have to deal with the root. It’s so much more painful. Yeah, but that tree of insecurity has been something I’ve been hacking at for a bit. We all have our different struggles as kids. Some people are angry. Mine — even my mom noted — it’s just been a thing ever since I was little, you know? So I’m just catching the triggers and being extra aware, and not giving in anymore. When I want to retract myself, I do the complete opposite — I’m saying it takes energy, but I want so badly to be well so that I can love well. I’ll throw myself in it. Quarantine has done a big deal of that for me.
What are you hopeful for?
Arielle: I’m so hopeful to see all these different things come together and just work their way in my life. The road I have is so much different than my brother’s or my sister’s. My sister’s into computer technology. Get your masters and do this thing. There’s other things in her road that won’t be as clear but it makes sense with me and music. One, to go to med school and then realizing this is not where I’m meant to be — it’s like, okay. What does that look like? Now I’m in a state of limbo and need to make money — let me nanny!
It’s starting to make so much more sense and starting to be made so much more clear as I’m just given a new vision for dreams that I didn’t even think I was qualified for. I’m qualified for dreams that are so much bigger. What I even have dreamt of for myself. There’s always something bigger. Not to say to chase the bigger thing all the time, but to always have that hope and joy in your heart like, glory to glory to glory. March is like, six months from now, but I remember when I turned 24 — I feel like everyone feels this way on their birthday, but whatever — [it] felt different for me, mainly because of how I viewed myself. Because of the way I viewed myself: what I would allow to happen in my life, what I would be able to receive in my life. Accepting love, accepting community, accepting words of affirmation, accepting that I can do the things I can do and that what I put my hands to will prosper, because it’s a promise. When you have a mindset like that, everything changes, because you’re not bound and you can flourish. So I’m excited to see the colors of those flowers of those seeds that I’ve now been watering and actually nurturing so much better. I don’t know what this garden is gonna look like. But I’m, I’m just so here for those buds to open and be like, it’s purple!
I also really want a tiny house, can we be honest?
You travel quite a bit, and you told me the story connected to some shoes you had wanted. Tell me a bit more about that story.
Arielle: Okay. I’m gonna reiterate it. I was at a prayer night, and a lady just spoke a beautiful, encouraging, prophetic word over me about my desire to go to the nations, which has been a thing ever since I was little. I love all parts of creation — from the trees to the city, to the mountains to the trees — all of it, and especially people. I just love, love, love culture. I love the colors of people, because I feel like that completes the full visual of who created it. And I have had this dream, like if I were to close my eyes and talk about like what life sounds most fulfilling, in that dream I just see myself dancing around fires with people of different tribes and cultures, eating their food and singing their songs, honoring their culture, seeing their culture, seeing how they behave, and just watching and studying it and loving them because of it. And so, this lady didn’t know about that dream. She was talking about me, she pretty much said my dream exactly to me asking like, is this a thing? I’d never met her before in my entire life until that night. And she’s like, you have a heart for the nations. You’re gonna go out in these nations and God is calling you a mother of nations, and you’re gonna go and be accepted in such a way that’s never happened before because of the way you view and love people. Of course that’s like an affirming word where I’m like, I have to receive that. That I love well. She was like, I feel like you should buy a pair of shoes, just to symbolize this moment of going for it, you know, buy some shoes. So I bought some shoes.
Because I feel like you are so immersed in culture and honoring people and longing for unity, what do you think are small steps that we can take to become more communal and united?
Arielle: That’s really good. And I love that you said small steps. I feel like people look at race issues and at political issues, and it’s so daunting and they don’t know what to do. But I’m like, the reason we have large societal issues is because of individual interactions. Society is us. We can’t keep blaming the system, when we are the people who make a system a system. We are the pieces and the elements of it. So if the gears are turning one way, the only way to get it to go the other direction is for the gears to start turning the other way. We are the gears of that machine. I go on my political rants — I just mean with the frustration with how people behave…We’re all responsible for it, so if we want to see change, it comes down to our day-to-day, everyday interactions. This doesn’t mean that now you have to go off and be this radical woman fighting for race and have to wear black lives matter on your shirt all the time because I don’t even do that, and I’m black!
For me, it’s a day by day thing. We’re all called with different fires. [My friend] Janae is called the fire to fight for race things. I have a fire to respond properly when that opportunity is there. [I’m doing] what naturally comes in my day to day.
It’s like, if you’re going down the road and you catch yourself crossing the street because a young black man is walking towards you — check yourself. You’re like, why am I doing it? Do I feel unsafe? Am I actually unsafe? Sometimes people are sketchy, to be honest. But it’s just being aware of how you behave and choosing to smile and say, how are you doing?
It’s hearing someone speak slander on someone else — even just regular gossip. Gosh, I hate gossip. It’s so draining. Using your words to edify whoever you speak of. Calling people out who are speaking poorly of others. Make it inconvenient to be cruel. And when you keep making it inconvenient, those who are being cruel are going to start thinking about how they’re going about it, you know? I feel like it’s such an individual responsibility within our smaller communities that make up the whole of a nation and the whole of a world. That’s where it starts.
Last question — tell me a bit about the music that you have coming out!
Arielle: I’m so stoked! It is my first single. [Every once in a while] I’ve dropped a random one on YouTube where you perform and you put something up, but this is my first time going about it the “right way”. I have it published, I have it copyrighted, and I have my own publishing company. I have my distributor that I’m already going to go through and I’ve chosen it and I’ve done some research on…want[ing] to set the release date at this time, so in the in between I could submit it to editors and stuff. So I’m just going about it right. Wolves is actually a song about this emotional journey. It’s symbolic.
It’s an image of emotions, and how I feel very deeply and strongly. Every time I would hear my emotions go off in me, I’d just be scared; I just wouldn’t wouldn’t do anything. I’d get confused and I just like a deer in headlights [would] freeze. Wolves talks about like — yeah, I’m not rushing through anything anymore. I’m gonna be still until I’m told to move. I hear my emotions howling and coming after me like wolves — but they’re just howls. I might be frightened, but I’m not running anymore. Releasing the song — that’s what it’s about. It’s just like — firstly, in your face! I’m releasing this song, no matter how I feel. Secondly, I’m just stoked about this song. I’m stoked to see this as the first piece that I’ve fully produced myself. Every musical element came through me and I’m proud to say that I’m just very proud of it. I’m so excited for it.
You can find Arielle’s new songs, “Wolves” and “The Deep End”, on Spotify, Apple Music, and wherever streaming is available. If you’d like to keep in touch with her and her adventures in new spaces, you can find her at @ariellehowellmusic on Instagram.
