Can the simple act of gathering address the epidemic of isolation? Let’s find out.
So much unnecessary suffering can be traced back to a lack of connectedness.
Sometimes it’s obvious. Loneliness and depression are at epidemic levels and directly relate to our desire to better relate to the people around us.
Other major issues, however, may also be driven by this—gun violence, obesity, opioid use, political divisiveness, digital distractedness—these don’t arise out of nowhere. They all are rooted in unfulfilled needs, unexpressed feelings, and unseen trauma that people have to find a way to cope with.
Without conscious, deliberate, healthy avenues for people to express their feelings, find meaning, and develop a sense of belonging, issues like these will continue to persist:
Loneliness
The Average American has only one friend:
“In a revealing sociological study, a large percentage of Americans report having shrinking networks and fewer relationships. The average American has only one close confidante, the same study showed. And the leading reason people seek out counseling is loneliness.”
Distraction
“I go online instead of dealing with my feelings.”
Addiction
The US opioid addiction crisis is top health story of 2018:
Rates of opioid-linked fatal overdoses have nearly doubled over the past decade and topped 70,000 in 2017…
All of this means that for three years in a row, U.S. average life expectancy reversed a long-term upward trend and actually dropped — from nearly 79 years in 2014 to 78.6 years now.
Suicide
Suicide rates have been rising in nearly every state… In 2016, nearly 45,000 Americans age 10 or older died by suicide. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death and is one of just three leading causes that are on the rise.
Debates about politics… immigrants… who deserves health care… all of these things come back to some similar core cultural themes:
Separation. Isolation. Otherness.
To feel a sense of belonging is absolutely necessary to every human.
It’s encoded in our tribal nature. Our ancestors wouldn’t last long if they couldn’t keep up with a tribe. We’re literally not built to survive on our own.
So we go to great lengths to seek belonging.
This is why we (myself included) tried so hard to be “cool” and feel accepted in grade school, and why it hurt so much when many of us didn’t.
In a cultural vacuum, dangerous dynamics emerge.
When we don’t find good, quality ways to gather and feel a sense of belonging, we’ll find it unconsciously in ways that might not be so healthy—at the bar, in an online forum, following someone else’s life through a screen.
Or we’ll suffer in our failure to find it.
Nowhere is this more apparent than in the political arena, where divisiveness is reaching a fever pace—and it shows no signs of slowing.
2019 figures to be a historically insane year. What happens in American politics this year is going to be talked about for the rest of our lives and for many generations beyond that.
It’s going to be hard for many of us to pay attention to anything else at times.
Which is why it’s so important to me that we resolve to direct our attention toward continuing to grow the cultural foundation that will gradually replace the madness we’re seeing.
Because the politics will play out as they will. Most of us can do something to play a part in that — we can retweet and vote and donate money and march for the causes we believe in. But we can’t stop there.
We got to where we are today, the good and the bad, because of culture—or lack thereof.
We’ll get to where we’re going next by working to perpetuate better cultures.
Good news: This is a very addressable challenge.
Helping more people to feel a healthy sense of belonging doesn’t require any kind of complicated policy initiative, big budget campaign, or new kind of technology. We already have all the tools we need.
It all starts with an incredibly simple but powerful act:
The act of gathering.
To gather people is to eradicate separation. It means taking our eyes off our screens for a while and turning them towards one another. It means hearing the voices of fellow humans instead of those being broadcast from somewhere else—and feeling heard ourselves.
Gathering is a natural human thing that we are all born with the ability to do.
It doesn’t need to be elaborate or fancy—simply sharing a meal and a nice conversation among a small group can do wonders.
And it’s not just for extroverts—introverts can be tremendously social in a context that is designed with their needs in mind.
Gathering generates culture. People learn how to talk to each other, how to relate to one another, how to share, how to ask for help, and so much more.
Gathering is incredibly easy to do.
All you need is:
- A venue (even a virtual one)
- Another person
- A date and time
- An intention
“Hey Kelsey! Want to meet for coffee tomorrow at Silvana at 2:00pm to talk about our plans for the year? Bring a friend if you want!“
A few sentences.
Movements start this way. I’ve seen it happen.
Lots of amazing new kinds of gatherings are emerging.
It just so happens that here in New York and all around the world, there has been an absolute explosion of people trying out all sorts of new formats and approaches.
People are doing early morning dance parties and fitness challenges. They’re hosting “skip the small talk” social events and all-day super-focused coworking sessions.
As newer generations increasingly move away from religious institutions, researchers like those from the Harvard Divinity School find themselves asking if rising communities like CrossFit are replacing the role of the church for many.
At the same time, many religious leaders are getting increasingly creative with how they attract and engage their congregations—incorporating things like coworking, more visible community service endeavors, intentional community gatherings and more.
There’s a lot happening—a lot to be inspired by, a lot to feel hopeful about.
I believe what we’re seeing is the beginning of a new renaissance of connectedness—a direct response to some of the overly individualistic dynamics that took hold in the 20th century.
For that shift to take hold, many more people need to do a lot more gathering.
Let’s steer the world in a better direction by fostering more gatherings.
With our newly launched Gathering Lab, my friend Casey Rosengren and are setting out to learn more about what these folks are up to.
We’re conducting some gathering experiments of our own.
And we’re going to work to incite you to do the same.
We’re hosting an online summit April 3 to 7 and will be sharing what we find as we work through all of these things.
So less people burn precious years scrolling on screens.
So less people take their own lives.
So less people recede into hatred.
So less people take pain killers.
So less people hurt.
So more people dance.
So more people find love.
So more people help each other.
So more people clean up the streets.
So more people find their creative voices.
If you’re like me, you don’t want to just watch things unfold. You want to take action to steer our collective story in a better direction.
I believe we can make a ton of progress towards achieving that simply by doing more gathering, and encouraging others to do the same.
If you agree, follow along. Leave a comment. Register for our Gathering Summit.
Join us in resolving to gather more and build a better future together.
