Uh-Oh: Thousands Of Jocks Just Broke Into Facebook HQ And Are Now Running The Company
Uh-oh: it looks like one of the world’s most successful tech companies might have a bullying problem. Sources are reporting that thousands of athletic young men clad in letterman jackets and sports jerseys broke into Facebook’s Palo Alto headquarters on Monday morning and seized control of the company.
Witnesses say the jocks forced their way past security and roved the massive open floor plan of the company’s main office all morning, coercing employees into handing over stock options, pocket money, and prominent positions within the company.
Employees that resisted the jocks were reportedly given swirlies, socially ostracized, and shoved into lockers.
“Facebook is our turf,” confirmed Palo Alto High School’s star quarterback James Russell during a conference call with investors later in the day.
“Don’t come near our turf unless you wanna fight.”
“I think this will ultimately hurt the company,” former Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg told reporters over the phone from the inside of a locked server cabinet in the building’s basement.
“It’s pretty clear that these people don’t understand Facebook as a company.”
Zuckerberg’s boxers were later seen hanging from the flagpole in front of the building.
