Welcome To Travis Kalanick And Peter Thiel’s Gig Economy Play Park! Can You Post A High Score?

Theil
Gawken
Published in
3 min readApr 3, 2017

Hello there, players!

We all know that life is about taking responsibility for your actions, being your own Person, and getting a high score in the big game. That’s why we built the Gig Economy Play Park—your final destination for Fun Tasks and Big Bucks!

Does that sound interesting to you? Great! And congratulations! You’ve almost finished reading this introduction!

Okay, that was great! Now you can look at this rat, if you want:

Yowza! Nice one! What are you, some kind of professional? That’s already +10 points in practically no time!

Make sure to check your Read Meter from time to time, as the rewards for Goal Gains will only become bigger and better from here on out.

One more rat question: please look through these rat photos and tell us which one looks the least healthy. Your money will be deposited into your Gig Pouch immediately afterwards.

Put your finger on the weakest-looking rat, please!

Excellent! You’re accelerating through a word shower as we speak! Dash through the next couple paragraphs and crash through at least seven more Word Goals to level up!

As a testament and tribute to your success in today’s activities, please accept this Reading Badge into your paraphernalia pile!

Accept the badge, please.

Also here is a readout of your performance so far, my good and noble madam:

Remember, the harder you concentrate on these tasks, the more your needle will point towards “Good.”

Your needle

We have now moved on to: solid food. Here’s your next gig:

If you can pick up these heavy boxes and throw them into the hole, you’ll get another fifty Rat Badges to add to your rat cache!

Look, gaming can be tiring. We know this. Every exhausted, sweating gig pup has been there. That’s why we’re offering you an opportunity to press the pause button. Pressing this button will help you control your desire to continue:

Pause Button

Fun and games are great, but nothing matches the rush of the thrill of getting a high score at the end of the round. That’s why we finish every visit to the Play Park with a run through what we call the “Big Kahuna.”

Maneuver your mind through this Reading Chicane:

And then become a freelancer at the Uranium Mine below!

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