In a Perpetual State of Being Spun Out

I am 20 years old, gay, and a cisgender male. I have never had a boyfriend, unless you want to count a terrible experience I had in high school. Nor have I ever had sex. The farthest I’ve ever gone is my close friend (my only gay friend) touching my penis. And even that alone was uncomfortable for me.

There is a pressure on everyone, regardless of age or sexual orientation/gender, to fill a sexual duality… to be both promiscuous and pure. There is something “off” about people who have not had sex before the age of 21, and if someone is waiting for marriage, it is “unrealistic” and they are told “you will never find someone who’s gonna wait that long.” I was raised what I call ‘pick and choose Jewish’… we went to synagogue until I was six and then just stopped going altogether, we barely celebrate holidays, and still my two brothers and I were all bar mitzvahed. I’m traveling to Israel in ten days on Birthright, but its mostly to; A. get an understanding of the conflict there and B. visit historical sights. Right now, I would say I’m not committed to a single religion. I believe in God, no doubt, but I also pray sometimes to Saint Jude. Not sure where I stand on Jesus…

My parents never really had a ‘talk’ with me. And since coming out, I’ve had to rely on the Internet for information about gay sex. I only stepped into a gay bar once by accident, while in Dublin on a tour of Europe for college students. Turns out it was The George, which has quite a history. My only gay friend who I also have romantic feelings for recently moved to California. At college, the LGBT+ community has not been all that accepting. I’m a strong Democrat, but I’d say I’m more center-left… and I’m very non-PC (politically correct). I call them the Social Justice Police. That should give you an idea. My university also happens to be in the Bible Belt of Michigan. Not a very gay-friendly area.

And I often am judged by other people in the community because I am a virgin. That does not mean I am sexually shy. I am very open about my fetishes and desires, and I am completely comfortable discussing sex with my friends. I just haven’t had sex as of this point in my life. Just God’s plan, I guess. I’ll stick to my beliefs and wait until my wedding night. Not a religious issue, nor an issue of morality. Just a personal decision.

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