An Insider’s Truth About Conversion Therapy
My life with Reparative Therapy, Focus on the Family, and Exodus International
Conversion therapies are sometimes called “Sexual Orientation Change Efforts” (SOCE). They should also be called fraudulent and harmful.
I was a client who underwent Reparative Therapy. I was also a closeted vice president of Focus on the Family — and later, one of their referral coaches. And I was the Director of Professional Counselors for Exodus International.
You will next read about my firsthand experiences with SOCE — both as a client and as a coach during the years 1984–2008.
Warning: This information may trigger readers who have been traumatized by SOCE.
Reparative Therapy
Reparative Therapy is a specific type of conversion therapy founded by Dr. Joseph Nicolosi. Eventually, Dr. Nicolosi founded and led the “National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality” (NARTH).
The theory behind Reparative Therapy is that homosexuality is a disordered condition (caused by an insufficient emotional bonding between a detached father and an insecure boy) that can be “repaired” into a heterosexual orientation. Therapists (usually psychiatrists) who were trained and certified by Dr. Nicolosi’s team were then empowered to provide Reparative Therapy.
The therapeutical practice followed a psychodynamic approach of tracing the “cause” of homosexuality to the improper bonding between father and son. Thus, “cure” was that the homosexual adult needed to hang out with straight men — with the presumption that their masculinity would be “caught.” And as they became more masculine, homosexuals would lose their attraction to men.
At least that’s the theory.
The therapy typically lasted two years, but sometimes as long as seven years. Psychiatrists demanded top dollar, with a typical hourly fee of $200 in 2008 (which would equate to $286 dollars today). Sometimes, clients feel better about themselves. More rarely, a very few clients acquired a previously extinct opposite-sex attraction. But there is no evidence that Reparative Therapy eliminated one’s same-sex attraction.
Sometimes, Reparative Therapists would concurrently require clients to be in a support group. The du jour group during the 1980s was “Homosexuals Anonymous” (HA). The theory behind this organization was that homosexuality was an addiction — similar to Alcoholics Anonymous. Thus, the cure was to repress thinking and acting upon homoerotic and homoromantic impulses. Group members were required to confess to the group any wrongful behaviors weekly. Thus, homosexuality was never eliminated but instead managed.
The greatest harm of Reparative Therapy and Homosexuals Anonymous was their core belief that homosexuality is a disorder that must be repaired or contained. Thus, clients came to believe that they were “not sufficient” in their natural homosexual state.
As for me, I underwent Reparative Therapy from 1984–1985. At first, it was helpful to no longer feel that I was unique in being a homosexual. Additionally, it gave me hope that my same-sex attraction would one day be permanently removed.
However, with time, I came to believe that Reparative Therapy was of no use to me. After all, I did not fit their prototype: I had a great relationship with my dad and was already plenty masculine.
I was a client in an HA group from 1985–1987. In the beginning, it was helpful for me to talk with other homosexuals. But after years of confessing the same infractions to the group, I believed the method was impotent in eliminating (or even diminishing) my same-sex attraction.
What was the net effect of years of dedicated devotion to the “curative” methods of Reparative Therapy and Homosexuals Anonymous? I became so discouraged and hopeless that I thought of killing myself. Tragically, suicides were committed by people who lost hope through conversion therapy.
Focus on the Family
Focus on the Family (a.k.a. Focus) was founded and led by Dr. James Dobson — reaching the pinnacle of outreach and fame in the early 2000s. They believed a healthy family unit (husband, wife, and at least one child) was the cure for cultural and personal ills.
Focus on the Family had a very natural affinity toward Reparative Therapy. Both organizations believed homosexuality to be a disorder (and even a deviancy). Dr. Dobson believed that homosexuals could be converted to heterosexuals — and promoted Reparative Therapy as the curing agent.
Focus on the Family hated the “gay movement” — attempts by gays to gain the same rights as straights. Therefore, Focus became the primary cultural antagonist to gay rights and gay marriage. Their very public message declared that “gay is bad” — but change is possible! They spoke the adage, “love the sinner, but hate the sin.”
Thousands of gay youth blame Focus for abusive reorientation practices that their parents insisted upon. Undeterred, Focus’s posture was that gays could have a happy heterosexual life if they would only submit their lives to Jesus plus stay the course on conversion therapy.
Focus provided seminars (called “Love One Out”) to help parents and their gay sons have faith that “change can happen.” Despite all of the current evidence of the inefficacy of conversion therapy, Focus still stands by its core beliefs: gay is bad, and gays can change.
My history with Focus is complicated. In 1996, I was hired by Focus to be one of their vice presidents (i.e., I was the leader of their one-semester college institute). I was closeted in that role and had no involvement with Focus’s “ministry” to homosexuals. My original belief about Focus was that they were helping many families and the American culture.
However, something profound happened to me in 2003, whereby I embraced my gay identity. I could view Focus through another lens. I came out to Focus’s president in 2004 — and we both agreed it would be best if I resigned as vice president.
I created a new professional role for myself — becoming a phone coach who would help gay Christians reduce their shame over their sexual identity. Focus referred most of their gay clients to me — presuming I was providing my clients conversion therapy. Later in this article, you will learn what happened to me once Focus learned that I opposed conversion therapy.
Exodus International
Exodus was a parachurch ministry to help change the sexual orientation of gay men. Exodus created hundreds of local ministries around the globe. These local ministries were typically led by an “ex-gay” — someone who purported to have moved from his homosexuality into heterosexuality. Often, the evidence of such change was that the person became married to a woman and, for some, naturally produced children.
In addition to local ministries, Exodus had a once-a-year conference, where thousands of gays from around the world attended. The Exodus speakers were ex-gays, often parading their wives (and kids) as evidence of their legitimacy.
Furthermore, Exodus certified professional counselors/coaches to assist in the conversion of gays. It was assumed that counselors form of therapy centered upon giving up your life to Jesus, buying into the Reparative Therapy model, joining a local support group, and continued professional counseling/coaching from someone who aligned with Exodus’ purpose. However, counselors/coaches were given the freedom to provide counsel in whatever manner that they deemed best.
Despite the enormous infrastructure, Exodus closed its organization in 2011. The reason for their closure was that they no longer believed that gays could change their sexual orientation. The Exodus president confessed that 99% of those receiving aid from Exodus were not ex-gays — they had never lost their homosexual orientation despite their best efforts.
The closure of Exodus created a huge vacancy in providing sexual orientation change efforts. Focus on the Family, therefore, rushed to fill the void — and “Restored Hope Network” replaced Exodus.
As for me, in 2005, I became one of Exodus’ professional counselors. I also soon became Exodus’s Director of Professional Counselors. My role was to certify that all people who applied to be a counselor for Exodus were 1) committed to Jesus and 2) had a professional license in some form of counseling. But after one year of providing coaching, a seismic change occurred within me.
The Transformation
I received coaching referrals from NARTH, Focus on the Family, and Exodus International during 2004–2008. In my second year as a phone coach for gay Christians, I became disgruntled with NARTH, Focus, and Exodus’s presumption that a change of orientation could happen. To be blunt, none of my clients ever changed their orientation. And the more I talked with gays at conferences, the more I learned that not even one person had lost his same-sex attraction! I came to believe that a full change of orientation was not possible.
Accordingly, I revised my coaching to focus on eliminating self-shame.
I detected enormous shame in my clients. They had been led to believe that they were a disorder, a misfit, and a loser. Becoming straight was their desired objective. These clients had hung their hope upon the get-well teachings of NARTH, Focus on the Family, and Exodus.
And I was having none of it!
I wholeheartedly believe that gays are equally and deeply loved by Jesus — just as they are. I helped clients understand that the change of sexual orientation was highly unlikely and probably impossible. Paradoxically, my clients were relieved by this news! They had been struggling for so many years, attempting to lose their unwanted same-sex attraction. They could now embrace how wonderful they already are! It became an entire paradigm shift for these men.
Amazingly, my coaching success soared — and word spread of my “different” approach to coaching.
The NARTH Conference
NARTH had an annual conference attended by professional counselors and gay men. Somehow, NARTH learned that my coaching method was unique and successful. So they invited me to be one of their conference speakers.
I began my presentation with three presumptions that I believed:
1. “No one really knows what causes homosexuality.” The NARTH audience gasped! They were certain that homosexuality is caused by insufficient bonding between son and father.
2. “No one really changes.” I declared that in all of my exposure to hundreds of gay men who were undergoing sexual orientation change efforts, not one single person had lost his same-sex attraction. The NARTH audience became visibly angry at me.
3. “Psychiatrists are charging top dollar for providing sexual orientation change counseling. And they sometimes see clients for seven years. Yet, no one changes their orientation. Gentlemen, that is malpractice!”
The professional counselors were enraged at me and exited. Conversely, the gays in the audience treated me like a rock star — and surrounded me! These precious gay men asked me, “Is what you said true?” I said that such is true, in my experience of coaching hundreds of gays. They were relieved and joyful! For perhaps the first time in their lives, they were told they were already perfect — just as they are.
The next day, I was fired by NARTH, Focus on the Family, and Exodus International.
Me, Today
Today, I am no longer an Evangelical. Instead, I am an Exvangelical.
I am happily married to my gay husband. My marriage to him has made all the difference in my joy.
I am fully retired. I go hiking daily, play with my eight grandkids, and go on dates with my husband.
Occasionally, I will write an article for GAYoda: Today’s global magazine for gay Christians. I hope you liked this one.
Dr. Mike Rosebush (Ph.D., Counseling Psychology; he, him, his;) is the creator and editor of GAYoda. A short synopsis of Dr. Rosebush’s life can be found at I Lived the Most Unusual Gay Christian Life Ever. He may be contacted at mikerosebush75@gmail.com.
