Independence is a Scam

You won’t want to miss this!

My dear friend Brandon Flanery is contributing this article to GAYoda.

On a scientific level, the two things that have set us apart as a species are our large brains and erect bodies.

The large brains have empowered us to think about abstract ideas, facilitate nuanced relationships, and communicate elaborate messages, like why Gabby didn’t attend the family reunion.

Our upright bodies have empowered us to use our front limbs for holding tools and objects, like our phones, so we can type a message about why we think Gabby didn’t come to the family reunion. (Did something come up? Does she not like us? Is this because of that guy she started dating? Is it because she went to college, no longer agrees with everyone, and believes in evolution? Ugh. Gabby is always a problem child.)

Like Gabby and most of the scientific community, I’m also a fan of evolution. We have some fascinating knowledge about our ancestors, revealing that while these two amazing things transformed the history of homo sapiens, they came at a huge cost.

According to some fascinating research by Yuval Noah Harari in his award-winning book Sapiens, nutrition leaves our bodies to support our massive heads, weakening our bodies (i.e., the world’s strongest athletes can still be torn apart by a gorilla).

Female homo sapiens’ pelvises shrank from supporting walking upright (i.e., women dying during childbirth).

Children are born before being brought to full maturation to pass through the birth canal (i.e., a giraffe can walk shortly after birth, while a baby takes years).

Eventually, our massive brains would pay off as we formed language. Still, homo sapiens were very much in the middle of the food chain for a long time, even scavenging off scavengers.

We quickly climbed to the top of the food chain when we could finally start talking and communicating and organizing.

While we couldn’t rip apart a gorilla, we could surround it and stab it with lots of spears because we could communicate.

While many women experience horrific childbirth pain, we’ve passed knowledge from generation to generation, helping more children enter the world because we can communicate.

While babies are born unable to walk and are susceptible to being eaten by predators, their minds are more malleable. They can be indoctrinated into an invented culture and adopt many languages because we can communicate.

Our weaknesses, our big heads and upright bodies, while initially problematic, are the reasons we shot to the top of the food chain. And while these two things do empower us to think smart things and carry sharp spears, our ultimate strength as a species comes from communication because we need each other to survive.

And yet, in our individualistic society, weaknesses and needs are shamed and hidden.

“You have infinite potential!” the positive poster reads in your chiropractor’s office with nature background.

“You’re a strong, independent human!” your best friend texts after your most recent breakup.

“You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!” the pastor preaches from the pulpit.

The belief that we don’t need anyone has created social expectations that further isolate us.

Instead of living in tribes, we moved to live with multiple generations. Instead of various ages, we moved to the “nucleus family.” Instead of the nucleus family, we moved out of our childhood homes and into dorms or housing with other barely legal adults. Instead of living with scarcely legal adults, we move into an apartment alone to prove to the world and the people we’re trying to date that we aren’t pathetic. Then, as we get old, we stay in these large houses after our families age out and die, not moving in with our kids because that looks too weak. The result is that Boomers are becoming the “loneliest generation” because of their “prized individuality,” according to the Wallstreet Journal.

But it’s not just housing; it’s also how we engage with people.

“In the past,” Ryan Jenkins CSP writes in his article about why Gen Z is the loneliest generation (apparently, we’re all fighting for the ranking),

“if your faucet was leaking in your home, you might have knocked on your neighbor’s door to ask for a plumber recommendation. Or you may have called a family member or friend to have them guide you through the process to fix it. Today, your first step would likely be to open YouTube and search for ‘how to fix a leaky faucet.’”

We don’t need anyone. We’ve got this!

But that which we have labeled a weakness — dependency — has always been our species’ greatest strength, and our mental health is paying a terrible price.

Sixty percent of people who experience loneliness also experience mental distress. So when 58 percent of the United States feels like no one in their life knows them well, it’s unsurprising that 39 percent of the United States population reports suffering from anxiety and depression.

In a powerful book called Tribe by Sebastian Junger, he shares how during the bombing of London in World War II, thousands left mental health institutions, no longer suffering from psychosis as a result of feeling like they belonged to something bigger than themselves, as a result of coming together as a community to make it through horrific times.

We were not designed to do life alone. Besides, even if you want to, you can’t. It’s impossible to be truly independent.

Take, for example, this publication.

To educate myself about this content, I had to learn this information from many people (as you can see from my sources). To write it, I had to purchase a computer that passed through the hands of miners, factory workers, shippers, truckers, and sales reps. To publish it online, someone had to come up with the idea of this platform, hire a team, and purchase software to support the team from another team started by another person. To have the platform exist, millions of people over many generations had to develop the technology that would eventually lead to the internet and computers and electricity and the infostructure to support said internet and electricity.

Millions, likely billions of people, have made it possible for me to publish a five-minute read, and that’s just one activity.

Now think about eating, driving, and that fancy oat milk cappuccino you love so much at that cute café down the road.

Every activity we participate in for our survival and happiness exists because of millions of people and the billions of lives that have gone before us.

The human story is not one of independence and should not be lifted as some prized virtue. Independence is a scam; it’s harmful and ultimately a weakness.

Our strength has always been and will always reside in our need for each other.

So why are you trying so hard to do it alone? To prove you’re capable? You’re not. Not by yourself. But with others? That’s where the magic happens.

Brandon Flanery wrote this post. He’s an ex-pastor, ex-missionary, and ex-evangelical, and he writes about the intersection of faith and sexuality. He has a book coming out in August of 2023. Brandon has featured publications with Baptist News Global, the University of Colorado, the Colorado Springs Indy, and the UCCS Scribe. You can follow along on his medium account that he just launched, his website, or on social media — his handle on all platforms is @flanbran.