Is Celibacy the Right Option for You?
Clashing Debate Between Single Gay Christians
Jesus was celibate and encouraged some people to be likewise. Side B single-gay-Christians find their calling in sexual abstinence and celibacy. In contrast, Side A single-gay-Christians choose homoromantic relationships and gay marriage. Why do both options work well — and what’s the best fit for you?
Overview
If Jesus were to personally tell you that celibacy is the best fit for your life, would you obey? Such is the right choice for Side B, single-gay-Christians.
If, instead, Jesus were to personally tell you that it is not good for you to live alone — and that He would be delighted if you married another gay Brother, would you obey? Such is the correct choice for Side A, single-gay-Christians.
However, both dichotomous options hinge upon what you, the single-gay-Christian, believe Jesus is informing you — you personally! — to obey.
In order to understand your specific fit, I want to provide: some definitions; an understanding of Jesus’ teachings; and three factors that differentiate Side B and Side A.
Definitions
I will refer to several terms throughout this article, and it would be optimal if we all viewed the words through the same lens.
“Gay” means a man who predominately and pervasively experiences same-sex attraction (SSA) — as compared to attraction to women. The attraction is toward the man’s physical appearance and personae. Such attraction may result in a homoromantic and/or homoerotic desire for the man. A man’s gay identity is not a statement of his actual sexual activity, nor his political or religious affiliation.
“Christian” refers to someone who has committed his life over to Jesus and intends to follow His way of loving all others (especially the marginalized, plus one’s enemies). This term applies to all Christian groups (i.e., Catholic, Orthodox, mainline Protestant, evangelical Protestant, and Latter-Day Saints).
“Side B” is a category of single-gay-Christians who believe that Jesus has called them into sexual abstinence (i.e., resisting anal intercourse with another man), plus celibacy (i.e., permanent singleness).
“Side A” is the differing category of single-gay-Christians who are convinced Jesus affirms gay marriages that resemble the virtues of Jesus’ marriage to His Bride. Thus, Side A seeks romantic relationships with other gay Brothers — culminating in marriage and then oftentimes anal intercourse.
Jesus’ Teachings
Contrary to what many Christians realize, Jesus spoke about an origin of gayness, plus the need for some people to be celibate. Let’s take a look.
As background, some of the religious elite (i.e., Pharisees) attempted to prove Jesus to be disobedient of the prescribed commands declared in the Jew’s bible (as written in the Torah — the 613 commands of the Jews).
[Note: Today’s Pharisees would be the bible literalists who look down upon people who do not obey commands declared in the bible. Furthermore, such people act hypocritically by failing to love the marginalized.]
It was common in Jesus’ day for men to unilaterally declare their wife unfit, thus giving her a writ of divorce. It was traditional that any and every reason for divorcing the wife was acceptable. The Pharisees wanted to see if Jesus disagreed with Jewish tradition allowing leniency in men divorcing their wives.
[Note: In the era of Jesus, wives did not have the same equality as husbands. Thus, a wife was never supposed to divorce her husband.]
Jesus’ answer was completely shocking to the Pharisees — and even to Jesus’ Followers! Jesus declared that God never intended men to divorce their wives; marriage was supposed to be permanent. Accordingly, Jesus’ marriage to His Bride (i.e., those men and women who are His Followers) will be permanent.
[Note: Such permanent union is comforting to me, as I am married to Jesus and He is married to me.]
Jesus’ Followers then incredulously stated that if they could not divorce their wife, then it would have been better to have never married the woman in the first place.
And Jesus agreed: it is better for some types of men to never marry a woman!
In Jesus’ day, the royal officials had multiple wives who constantly needed proper care. Such was the important role of the “eunuch.” The first such type of eunuch are men born incapable of impregnating a woman (possibly due to a lack of heteroerotic capability, i.e., gay). The second type of eunuch was also incapable of impregnating women — because their masters made them infertile. The third type of eunuch was a “symbolic eunuch” — choosing a life of sexual abstinence and permanent singleness as his way of honoring his unique role with God. Jesus was the third type of eunuch. And so is every contemporary celibate Christian.
Finally, Jesus gave two imperative commands regarding eunuchs. First, those men who are born incapable of becoming aroused by women (e.g., gay men) should not marry a woman. Second, those men who believe they are called to serve God in a life of singleness should indeed remain celibate.
“For there are eunuchs who were born that way. Others were made that way by men. And still others live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.” (Matthew 19:12)
Three Factors that Differentiate Side B and Side A
1. Side B believes it is always wrong to engage in homoromantic relationships and anal intercourse between men. Such single-gay-Christians hold a “sola scriptura” belief that truth can only be found in the texts from the holy bible. Additionally, Side B typically utilizes a literal interpretation of the bible (i.e., the text plainly states what is supposed to be embraced). Therefore, five of the bible’s passages denounce homosexuality — and there are no positive statements about anal intercourse between men.
In contrast, Side A believes that modern science, personal experience, personalized revelation, logic, and the holy bible collectively produce truth. Furthermore, Side A believes the bible must be interpreted in the context of the writer’s intent for a specific audience, at a particular place and time. Therefore, the bible’s five passages condemn the harmful practices of: Jewish men having anal intercourse with a male temple prostitute; engaging in pederasty (i.e., a male mentor having anal intercourse with his male mentee); males sexually assaulting their male slaves; and high-status male Romans having wanton anal intercourse with lesser-esteemed men. Side A asserts that such abuse is not relevant to today’s scenario of romantic, committed love between two gay men.
2. Side B believes God’s truth is universal; God’s word never changes with time nor among different cultures. “Tradition” is then prized over progression. Thus, abhorrence of anal intercourse between men, plus the absence of any text affirming gay marriage, applies across all time and people groups. Tradition wins.
In the dispute, Side A holds that God’s revelation progresses with time and is personalized to each Follower. Thus, some bible passages from 2,000 years ago are inappropriate for today (e.g., cultural genocide; slavery; restriction of women’s and gay’s rights). For Side A, restrictions of gay rights is a social justice issue — and Jesus always sided with justice for the marginalized. Progression wins.
3. Side B believes celibacy is a specific command from Jesus (a.k.a., a “calling”) for specific (but clearly not all) single Christians — both straight and gay. Thus, if a man is called into celibacy by God, then celibacy should be his only appropriate option. Furthermore, Side B believes that God will utilize and fulfill each celibate man for His glory. Therefore, Side B asserts celibacy to be the “higher calling.”
In opposition, Side A agrees that celibacy can be a higher calling — but not a calling automatically ascribed to every single-gay-Christian who is devoid of heteroerotic capability. Furthermore, Side A contests that if celibacy is such a virtuous option, then there should be many straight single men who are happily celibate. Such is not the case. Thus, Side A maintains that “it is not good for man to be alone” and coupling is equally granted to gay Brothers.
Closing
Side B and Side A single-gay-Christians want to obey whatever Jesus would have them to do with their SSA. Both sides revere the bible and utilize it as a source of truth. And certainly, both Side B and Side A men want to live a thriving and abundant life.
Presently, the only Christian group that affirms gay marriage (and its subsequent anal intercourse) is the mainline Protestant denominations. In contrast, the Catholic, Orthodox, evangelical Protestant, and Latter-Day Saint faiths do not permit gay marriages within their church and condemn anal intercourse between men.
Thus, Side A is “happy at home” among the mainline Protestant denominations.
In contrast, Side B often finds themselves at odds with their church’s: opposition to the use of the word “gay” as an identity; their “lesser than” status within their church; and the ugly vestiges of ex-gay presumptions that “one can change his sexual orientation” with enough faith, prayer, and grit. Alas, life is not easy for the Side B man.
Jesus’ appeal that all of His Followers “may be one” seems to be true in their allegiance towards Jesus. However, their uniformity regarding celibacy versus gay marriage is severely lacking. Side B would view this lack of unity as very troubling. In contrast, Side A would view this difference as merely a diversified customization by the Holy Spirit within the body of Jesus.
In conclusion, God help each Side to be lovingly respectful amidst their clashing differences.
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Dr. Mike Rosebush is the founder and author of GAYoda. He has a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology, is a retired Licensed Professional Counselor, with 45+ years of mentoring thousands of gay Christian men. Read a short synopsis of his story here.
Read Dr. Rosebush’s complete set of articles here.
Dr. Rosebush provides friendship support to gay Christian men across the U.S. and can be contacted via Facebook or mikerosebush75@gmail.com.
