The Definitive Case for Gay Marriages
Life lessons of a loving gay Christian
The two tribes have been engaging in mortal combat for over 10 years: those who affirm gay marriages versus those who deny gay marriages. This article is the simplest, single best source for understanding why many gay American Protestants approve of gay marriages.
Overview
Have you ever been asked to explain why you approve of gay marriages? Have you ever heard that there is no biblical case for supporting gay unions?
By the time you have finished this 9-minute reading, you will know what Jesus had to say about marriage (i.e., using the bible as the source of knowledge). Next, you will understand the historical and cultural arch toward social justice (i.e., using the logic of universal virtues). Finally, you will be exposed to God’s relationship blueprint (i.e., using my experiential wisdom).
But first, let’s recount the immovable posture of both American Evangelical Protestants (i.e., Traditionalists) in contrast to American Mainline Protestants (i.e., Progressives).
Traditionalists
Traditionalists almost universally believe in the religious doctrine of “Sola Scriptura.” Accordingly, Traditionalists believe that their bible is the only reliable source of absolute Truth. Also appreciate that Protestant Traditionalists (i.e., generally referred to as “Evangelicals” or “Fundamentalists”) have their own preferred bible — as compared to the bible of other Christian faiths (i.e., the Catholic Church and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints). Furthermore, Traditionalist Protestants have a plethora of different translated bibles to place their trust.
Traditionalists also believe their bible is “inspired by God.” Generally, this means that every word, verse, and book in their bible originates from God — as God empowered each biblical writer to write in his own vernacular. Thus, their bible is considered the “Word of God.” And who in their right mind would argue with God? However, there is a catch. Evangelicals qualify this absolute position by claiming that only the original texts were inspired by God. And yet, no original writing (in its full form) exists today.
Traditionalists furthermore maintain that their bible is inerrant/infallible. Accordingly, every word, verse, and book is a source of absolute Truth. Therefore, every part of their bible’s content is trustworthy; no verse contradicts other verses in their bible. Additionally, Traditionalists generally agree that their bible is plainly understandable. A simple reading of the text leads any Believer to the same understanding.
Progressives
Progressives likewise revere their bible and consider it a very important and wise document. However, they do not believe that their bible is the only truth source. Progressives claim that Truth can also be known through embracing universal virtues. For example, both Traditionalists and Progressives would mutually say that murder is wrongful behavior. Thus, Progressives would maintain that such human behavior is not wrong simply because their bible proclaims it. Rather, such behavior is intolerable because virtually all humans declare that murder is wrongful.
Progressives additionally hold that Truth can be learned through one’s personal experience. Many people would probably state that “wisdom comes from experience.” For example, if someone does something stupid, it often results in learning to not replicate that behavior. In contrast, doing something that promotes personal thriving may result in doing more of that positive behavior. Thus, a person with absolutely no background in reading the bible can still come to a godly conclusion about wrongful and righteous conduct. In this way, a non-Christian may demonstrate more wisdom and righteous behavior than a Christian. Should we be surprised whenever a Christian sins? Nope. Should we be shocked when a non-Christian lives a more moral life than a Christian? Again, not.
Progressives generally would complain that Traditionalists are sometimes “not being true to their own code.” For example, Traditionalists believe in and proclaim Sola Scriptura. On the other hand, some qualify the level of inspiration of their entire bible.
Furthermore, some Traditionalists can admit that some verses in their bible are confusing (i.e., not easily understood by all), debatable, contradictory, and may not have been in the original inspired document.
Appreciating this apparent violation of Sola Scriptura, some Traditionalists fall back upon a position that their bible is only inerrant/infallible on matters of the nature of God — but not in cases of historical accuracy or evolving scientific discovery. For example, research consistently shows that a gay person’s same-sex attraction cannot be permanently eliminated. And yet, many Traditionalists rely upon six “clobber passages” as a universal Truth in condemning male homosexuality and encouraging gays that “change can happen.”
Enough overview. Now it’s time to dig into the three convincing reasons why gay marriages are divinely valid: 1) Jesus’ own words, 2) social justice, and 3) God’s relationship blueprint.
1. Jesus’ Position (i.e., the Word of God)
If we want a clear definition of what constitutes a “marriage,” we would expect God to simply “spell it out.” God thinks otherwise. God gives no specific description of marriage and seems okay with letting his chosen humans carry on in whatever relational arrangement they may select. For example, Abraham (the father of God’s initially chosen people) had at least two wives. King David (a man after God’s heart) had eight wives, plus at least 10 concubines. And King Solomon (whom God invested with much wisdom) had 700 wives and 300 concubines. The bible only matter-of-factly relays this information without making any judgments.
But surely Jesus — the Word of God — provides us a clear definition of marriage, right? Nope. We are forced to deduce Jesus’ beliefs about marriage based on Jesus’ teaching about divorce. Huh?
Here is the context. In answering the specific question about whether it is lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason, Jesus refers to the following two bible verses from the Torah:
“Haven’t you read that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female” [Genesis 1:27; 5:2].
“For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh” [Genesis 2:24].
Jesus then immediately expounds upon the wrongness of divorce:
“So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” [Matthew 19:6; Mark 10:8b-9].
Jesus’ position is clear: divorce is wrong.
Traditionalists argue that in the above Torah verses, Jesus is speaking favorably about heterosexual marriage as the created decree. Furthermore, some Traditionalists hold that procreation is a major reason for marriage (and thus eliminates the option of gay marriages). Finally, many Traditionalists view heterosexual marriage as an iconic symbol of the union between Jesus and His bride (i.e., the Church). For all three reasons, Traditionalists believe that the institution of marriage must only be between a man and a woman.
Progressives disagree. They maintain that verses condemning divorce do not specifically mean that marriage must only be between a man and a woman. Rather, Progressives use the exact same Torah passages to emphasize the permanence of marriage (e.g., “one flesh” that should never be separated), but not a declaration of a heterosexual definition of marriage. Furthermore, Progressives point out that procreation is not the inherent purpose of marriage. For example, many legal marriages involve infertility. Thus, a person’s marriage is not dissolved if a baby cannot be conceived. Finally, Progressives agree that marriage is indeed an iconic symbol of the union of Jesus with the Believer — but that males are also Believers. Thus, Jesus has a marriage with each male Follower — the two are made one in a permanent union. So, say the Progressives, if Jesus can be married to a man, then so can gay men.
In summary, American Protestants’ bibles (regardless of their translation differences) do not absolutely declare a definition of marriage. Furthermore, Jesus’ words communicate the importance of a permanent union, but not the union’s requirement to produce children. And lastly, Jesus is married to individual male Believers (as well as female Believers). One may easily presume that “what is good for Jesus is good for all humanity.”
Finally, for a much fuller and better explanation, I strongly invite you to read Karen Keen’s hallmark book, “Scripture, Ethics & the Possibility of Same-Sex Relationships.”
2. Social Justice (i.e., universal virtue)
“Virtue” is defined as moral excellence. Furthermore, virtue is something embraced by virtually every culture across time. Such is the case with social justice. The vast majority of cultures across time agree that humans should be treated with dignity. When a culture fails to do so, it is usually rebuked and declared to be an evil empire.
Do you think God values human virtues? You betcha! Nothing good in humanity is outside of the very nature of God. Thus, humans do not invent righteousness. Rather, God is righteous. So, does God believe social justice is a good thing? Again, bet the farm that God thinks highly of social justice!
Jesus is God. Jesus tells us that when we see how Jesus behaves, we have seen and understood the very heart of God.
So, did Jesus prioritize social justice? Amen to that!
Jesus did not spend His time primarily hanging only with the rich and famous. Rather, the bible shows example after example of Jesus prioritizing His public ministry around the marginalized. Here are but a few examples. Jesus provides mercy to the lame; heals the blind; gave food to the hungry. Jesus invited the “bad tribe” (i.e., the Samaritans) to come to follow Him. Jesus exalts the poor widow who can only give two coins that are only a fraction of one penny. Jesus rescues and forgives the woman caught in the act of adultery. And the examples go on and on and on.
Do you believe that Jesus would treat a black person with less dignity than a white man? Do you believe Jesus thinks that men are more valuable than women? Does Jesus love LGBTQ individuals as much as He does the straight and cisgender? Such are rhetorical questions. Of course, Jesus views every human life with the exact same dignity!
The arch of human history moves toward increasing levels of social justice. There used to be slaves; no more. Women used to be barred from speaking in their local church; not any longer. And now, gay men are beginning to experience the joys of gay marriage — but not without strong resistance.
Many gay men are exclusively attracted to men and not to women. So when a gay man becomes attracted to another man, is he permitted to date him? And if, after dating, the two want to become married, are they allowed to enter a permanent union that resembles Jesus’ marriage to His Followers? Progressive American Protestants would give a resounding “Yes!” to both questions.
Given that the bible does not provide a clear, universal definition of “marriage,” do you believe it is an act of social justice to permit gay marriages? Since Jesus is “all in” on social justice, do you believe He affirms gay marriages? We Progressive American Christians shout in unison, “Yes! God, almighty, yes! And our time has finally arrived!”
3. God’s Relationship Blueprint (i.e., my personal experience)
Wise men become wise through experience — recovering from their mistakes and maximizing what allows them to thrive. Thus, I believe I have gained wisdom due to my extraordinary life. I was married to a woman for 41 years (until “death did we part”) and am now married to a man. In both cases, I discovered the exact same relationship pattern. I now firmly believe that God has a relationship blueprint. Allow me to explain.
My relationship pattern with my wife was as follows. I became attracted to her; I dated her; I married her. More specifically, I was attracted to her physical beauty and personal virtues. I wanted to get to know her and spend my available time with her — and so we dated for two years. I concluded that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, so we became married.
Here is the key point I want you to understand: my relationship pattern with my husband was identical! I was attracted to his physique and personality; I dated him; I discovered that I wanted to be married to him until death do us part.
From personal experience, I learned that my relationship pattern is the same — regardless of whether I am seeking a woman or a man! Thus, I assume that if I am wise in this area, God allowed me to learn such wisdom. Accordingly, I am now certain that God has a relationship blueprint. And God’s blueprint applies to heterosexual and homosexual relationships alike!
Almost all relationships begin with an attraction (an exception being for those who are asexual). Nearly all relationships proceed to date (except for arranged marriages). Almost all relationships culminate in union (except for those who are celibate).
Wisdom (plus thousands of hours counseling and mentoring gay Christians) informs me that gay marriages are simply in line with God’s relationship blueprint.
Conclusion
Traditionalists and Progressives will never agree on the validity of gay marriages. Both tribes call upon the name of God as their ultimate judge.
This article will not convince Traditionalist American Protestants that gay marriage is a wonderful union. However, I hope in the least that every reader will treat “the other tribe” with dignity, mercy, and forgiveness. After all, those three virtues are all part of God’s nature.
Dr. Mike Rosebush is the founder/author of GAYoda and writer for Backyard Church. He has a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology and is a retired Licensed Professional Counselor with nine years of counseling and mentoring thousands of gay Christian men. A short synopsis of Dr. Rosebush’s life can be found at I Lived the Most Unusual Gay Christian Life Ever. Please read the complete set of his articles here. You may contact Dr. Rosebush at mikerosebush75@gmail.com.
