The “Gay Lifestyle” is a Stereotype
Life lessons of a loving gay Christian
Stereotype: “A widely held and oversimplified idea of a particular category of people.”
Stereotypes harm people.
Stereotypes of “the gay lifestyle” reduce the gay person to a political attack phrase. And we gay men are not only diversified but also sick of being falsely demonized — especially for political purposes.
Here is what is always true about being gay:
We predominately and pervasively experience involuntary romantic and erotic attraction toward certain other males.
And yet, each gay person is unique. And every time someone stereotypes gays, a gay male is injured.
Notice the following contrasts that refute stereotypes:
Gays spend the evenings at gay clubs and bars; gays stay home and are in bed by 9 p.m. Gays engage in anonymous homoerotic hookups; gays are celibate. Gays have a parade of multiple partners; gays are committed to one man for a lifetime. Gays post nude pics of themselves; gays avoid social media. Gays spread diseases; gays are healthy and shining examples of fitness.
Now, try this on for size, regarding stereotypes:
Straight men spend the evenings at nightclubs and bars. Straight men engage in hookups and one-night stands. Straight men cannot commit to marriage and they leave a legacy of abandoned girlfriends. Straight men send dick pics to women (even when unsolicited). Straight men pass along STDs.
How does that make you feel if you are a straight man reading the above passage? Yep. Stereotyped and violated.
I am a gay Christian man who is married to a gay Christian man. Here is my “gay lifestyle.” I read the Bible each morning and listen to Christian music. I go on vigorous hikes in the mountains. I play with my grandkids and go on dates with my adult son and daughter. I have multiple skin cancers, but I am not a threat to give someone AIDS. I enjoy daily chats with my husband on the sofa as we sip wine. We go out to dinner, then return home and watch a documentary or dance to Ella Fitzgerald songs. And I write articles for GAYoda — a unique publication that exclusively deals with the intersection of being gay and being Christian. Pretty wild lifestyle, huh?
When I was the vice president of Focus on the Family (1996–2004), that organization vilified gays. They said gays have a despicable “gay lifestyle” and a “gay agenda” to ruin American families. Focus on the Family encouraged evangelical Protestants to vote against the ruinous gay agenda — and to vote against any politician who endorsed such a perverted agenda. Their message stuck.
Today, nearly 20 years later, the political message of Focus on the Family remains the same. And I am grieved beyond description. Sob.
Today, many evangelicals want to disallow people from calling themselves “gay.” Punishments are administered to all who dare to describe themselves with that particular sexual identity.
Today, many Republicans want to de-legalize gay marriages. Regardless of their success, my husband and I know we will always have a spiritual bond. I am committed to loving my husband with Jesus’ “other-centered” sacrificial love. Such love can never be outlawed.
So, the next time someone speaks of “the gay lifestyle,” please do me a favor and ask, “What is the straight lifestyle?”
Dr. Mike Rosebush is the founder/author of GAYoda. He has a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology and is a retired Licensed Professional Counselor with nine years of counseling and mentoring thousands of gay Christian men. A short synopsis of Dr. Rosebush’s life can be found at I Lived the Most Unusual Gay Christian Life Ever. Please read the complete set of his articles here. You may contact Dr. Rosebush at mikerosebush75@gmail.com.
