When You Sexually Sin, How Do You View God?
GAYoda: Today’s global magazine for gay Christians
I have counseled and mentored thousands of gay Christians. Many of them believe they are repeatedly sexually sinning against God. And they view God as vengeance for their mistakes.
There are alternatives.
Read on and see.
Sexual Sin
The gay Christian men who read my articles on GAYoda and make contact via email (mikerosebush@gmail.com) are often anguished by past sexual sins they believe they have committed. These men almost always revere their Christian Bible and look to it for direction. So do I.
Because of their high regard for the Bible, I sometimes attempt to help them gain clarity over the sexual activities that Jesus condemned (as recorded in their Bible).
Jesus is quoted in the Christian Bible as opposing adultery (including mentally coveting someone else’s spouse). Additionally, Jesus stands against “sexual immorality.” In Jesus’ day, sexual immorality meant “prostitution” (which was an offense against both the male and female prostitutes, plus the men that copulated with them). And first-century prostitution might be analogous to today’s hookups (i.e., relation less, loveless encounters — exclusively for orgasms).
So, in my mentoring, I sometimes am told that the man has committed adultery or engaged in prostitution (or at least, a risky anonymous sexual hookup). If so, I ask him whether he intends to do something about that. Often the man indicates that he wants to repent from doing the infraction. I ask him to clarify what the repentance would look like.
I furthermore inquire whether the gay Christian has done anything else that he believes is a sexual sin (i.e., beyond the categories of adultery and prostitution/hookups). Sometimes the gay Christian will confess that he has engaged in homoerotic foreplay or intercourse with a “friend with sexual favors.” Occasionally, the man will question whether having premarital gay intercourse with someone he deeply loves is acceptable. But almost always the man will acknowledge that he has masturbated to homoerotic thoughts or viewed homoerotic pornography.
I then ask if he believes such homoerotic activity is condemned in his Bible. If he says yes, I ask him how he came to that conclusion.
At this point, the gay Christian is flummoxed. He believes that many of his homoerotic activity is sinful, but he cannot state why he believes. He presumes in his heart that he is guilty. And that guilt makes him feel very ashamed.
Please understand that I do not see it as my role as a mentor to inform the person what is a homoerotic sin and what is not. I let the man tell me about his sexual ethics. Besides, I think the Holy Spirit provides better guidance than me.
Such freedom to define what is a sexual sin generally riles the gay Christian who is evangelical. The man wants something concrete, a definition clearly stated in the Bible. Yet, topics like masturbation and pornography are not specifically stated in the man’s Bible. Furthermore, the subject of erotic foreplay and intercourse between an unmarried, partnered couple is discussed in a positive light in the Song of Songs!
Evangelicals and those with a traditional Biblical sexual ethic are generally extremely conservative in what they believe is a sexual sin. Such men often have a “black-white” dyadic way of conceptualizing sexual sin. They want to know a concrete answer: “Is [fill in the blank] wrong, or is it right?
Sometimes the answer depends upon the person and his situation. That is why the apostle Paul writes that for one person, eating certain foods is permissible; for someone else, it is wrong to do so. Paul leaves the definition (in many areas) up to the individual to discern. Paul also states that if your conscience convicts you, you should abstain from doing that activity.
But what if someone has what is called in professional counseling a “super conscience?” In other words, the gay Christian interprets lots of activities as being sinful.
Traditionalists are more prone to having a super conscience than progressives.
So in all of this ambiguity, what do I believe about sexual sins? I presume that whatever Jesus tells me is true, for the context in which it was presented. And Jesus only speaks directly to the wrongness of adultery and prostitution. However, I also believe gay Christians can become sexually addicted to homoerotic activity. Indeed, such men risk their marriage and personal health by engaging in a endless homoerotic trysts. Finally, while I may be perhaps more progressive than some in my sexual boundaries, other gay Christians may have their boundaries set so tightly that they are repressing everything. And I know that such men with super consciences can make themselves miserable with guilt.
Guilt produces shame and isolation. Clarity in one’s mind of what is sinful, plus repentance and a rock-solid belief in Jesus’ redemptive love remove the shame.
So, perhaps the better question is: “When you sexually sin, how do you view God?”
View of God
A gay Christian’s belief about how God reacts to his sexual activity will determine the level of peace the man can achieve.
And many of the gay Christians I mentor believe God the Father is an angry avenger, a killjoy.
Paradoxically, these gay Christians believe in God’s grace, and that salvation is not attained through works. Still, they fear God the Father will dish out a sentence of permanent torment in hell for their heinous homoerotic activity. And they feel ashamed and scared.
However, when I inquire about the gay Christian’s impression of Jesus, I always receive a statement about Jesus’ amazing, overwhelming love. I believe the same thing. I have bet my entire life on prioritizing being aligned with Jesus and extending His love to all I encounter.
I then ask the gay Christian if Jesus is God.
Somewhat puzzled, the gay Christian will acknowledge such to be true.
So then I ask, “What is the difference between Jesus and God the Father?” Often I receive an answer that considers Jesus the “good cop” while God the Father is the “bad cop.”
We then discuss how it can be that: 1) Jesus is both 100% love and is 100% part of the God Trinity, yet 2) God the Father lies in wait to zap the gay Christian with a painful lightning bolt.
Well, which is it? Are Jesus and the God the same? Or does God the Father have an additional mean spirit and rage separate from Jesus’ nature — just waiting to be unleashed onto the gay Christian?
How do you picture Jesus addressing you after you have committed a sexual sin?
Is it possible to commit a sexual sin and still be fully loved by God the Father?
I will leave that theology for you to decide.
But this I know. Jesus is love.
And love wins.
Dr. Mike Rosebush (PhD, Counseling Psychology) is the founder/writer for GAYoda: Today’s global magazine for gay Christians. See the library of all GAYoda articles for gay Christians. Contact Dr. Rosebush at mikerosebush75@gmail.com
