Why All the Fuss About Gay Marriages?
Life lessons of a loving gay Christian
Perhaps the single biggest issue that incites and divides white American evangelical Protestants (hereafter referred to as “evangelicals”) from the religiously unaffiliated (a.k.a., “Nones”) is the allowance of gay marriages. Droves of evangelicals exited their denomination from 2007 to 2021. Where did these evangelicals go? To the Nones!
Why?
The primary reason seems to be “should same-sex couples be allowed to marry?”
Let’s find out why this one issue is so incredibly important to evangelicals, Nones, and progressive Christians.
The Facts
The Pew Research Center expertly examines trends in American religions. In 2019 Pew indicated that only 29% of white American evangelicals sided with the notion of gay marriage. Conversely, a whopping 79% of the Nones embraced gay marriages. Folks, that is a major difference!
This disparity is not an anomaly. On the issue of the acceptability of gay marriages, 66% of the white mainline Protestants (the more progressive branch of Protestantism) approved.
It appears that evangelicals stand alone in their strident opposition to gay marriage.
However, evangelicals are changing within their religious group. Support for gay marriages has increased for evangelicals from 11% in 2004 to nearly double (20%) in 2019. Interestingly, every generation of evangelicals increased their support for gay marriage. Evangelicals are not static on the issue of gay marriage.
And they are also not static in remaining evangelical. In fact, 16% of American evangelicals jumped ship in one year (from 2020 to 2021). And those who leave the evangelical flock are moving toward the Nones. There is a term for those who leave evangelicalism: “exvangelicals.”
The exvangelicals do not necessarily jettison their belief in Jesus. Many exvangelicals believe that it is the evangelicals who have left their alignment for Jesus for an overriding alignment with Republican politics. Some exvangelicals are frustrated with doctrine-heavy evangelicalism — and they are migrating over to the love-centric priorities of Jesus. In short, exvangelicals and Nones cannot fathom why the evangelicals are so certain that gay marriage is against God’s will and deserves such enormous disdain.
In 2009, there was an epic study of what younger (age 16–29) non-Christians (i.e., Nones) thought of Christians (see the amazing book “unChristian”). The data revealed shocking results. Nones did not view Christians as loving, sacrificial, and godly — virtues that evangelicals strive to attain. Rather, 91% of the Nones said the Christians are “anti-homosexual.” Even worse, 84% of the Christians agreed that Christians are anti-homosexual! It appears that everyone recognizes that Christians are anti-homosexual.
One does not need to have a Ph.D. to understand what these findings imply about evangelicalism’s future. Evangelicals can either change their posture about gay marriages or dwindle on the vine as a marginalized religious community. Some evangelicals would respond, “We are battling for the soul of America. We are the few truly Christian — and we will fight to the death for Jesus!” Seriously?
What’s the Big Deal About Gay Marriages?
Please tell me why gay marriages are such a big deal to evangelicals. I mean, it’s not like abortion. Many evangelicals equate abortion with an intentional murder of innocent life. From that viewpoint, abortion is a really, really big deal to evangelicals.
And gay marriage should not be the biggest decision in electing a president of America. Yet, before the legalization of gay marriages, that subject was a constant election hot-button for the voters. Pro-gay marriage people shout the slogan, “Love is love,” while anti-gay marriage believers stand for “family values.” Why all of the political fuss?
Furthermore, gay marriage is different from marrying a minor or polygamy. Gay marriages are legal.
Finally, why should a democratic superpower “get into the weeds” in controlling the type of marriage in which two adults agree?
Of course, the answer to all of these questions is that gay marriages are important to evangelicals. And evangelicals still hold power over the political landscape of America.
I am married to a gay man. Before my wedding, a longtime evangelical friend of mine warned me that I was “headed off of a cliff.” Really? How does he know what my future holds? From my perspective, my life has dramatically improved since marrying my husband.
All-too-many evangelicals believe that a person will be headed for hell if he enters a gay marriage. Are you serious? What about all of those Bible verses that claim we enter heaven not by our works but as a result of Jesus’ atoning work on the cross and our subsequent permanent alignment with him? If human works (or sins) determine salvation, then why is gay marriage considered such a sin of monumental importance?
The answer to these questions is the belief (and dogma) that “God opposes gay marriages.”
Non-Christians are flummoxed as to why Christians hate homosexuals — and younger Christians feel the same way and are quite embarrassed by their tribe’s stridency!
So, where do we go in this epic tug-of-war between those Christians who oppose gay marriage and those who endorse it?
Let’s examine why evangelicals believe same-sex couples should not be allowed to marry. Then, I will share why many gay Christians believe God endorses gay marriages. As a resource, I will refer to Karen Keen’s book “Scripture, Ethics & the Possibility of Same-Sex Relationships” to guide the following discussions.
Here we go.
Why God Opposes Gay Marriages
Evangelicals believe God inspired the Christian Bible’s authors to write what they did. Furthermore, evangelicals believe the Bible to be inerrant and infallible — the only reliable source of truth. Thus, evangelicals guide their life choices (and encourage others to do likewise) based on what they can cite from the Protestant Bible. And evangelicals maintain the Bible itself speaks against gay marriage.
To be clear, there are no verses in the Bible that specifically endorse gay marriage. Reciprocally, there are no verses in the Bible that condemn it.
Evangelicals offer up Bible verses that they believe allude to the one man–one woman concept. Which Bible verses suggest this notion? For starters, there is Genesis 1:27b.
God “created mankind; male and female He created them.”
Bible traditionalists claim that this account of the creation is a definition of all marriages. After all, God created two intentionally differentiated people: a male with a penis and a female with a vagina. God invented the capability for humans to procreate — and in all cases, it involves a man and a woman. Procreation appears to shout that marriage is to only be between one man and one woman.
After all, “God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.”
Furthermore, the literalists cite Genesis 2:24 as the motivation for future marriages.
“For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”
Therefore, the traditionalists claim it is obvious that only the woman classifies as a “suitable helper” for the man in marriage.
“But for Adam, no suitable helper was made. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib He had taken out of the man, and He brought her to the man.” (Genesis 2:20b, 24)
In sum, “God said it; I believe it; that settles it.”
Why God Endorses Gay Marriages
Progressive Christians are similar to evangelical Christians in many important ways. Both groups are aligned with Jesus. Both groups highly regard the Bible. And both agree that God wants us to love our neighbor as we would like to be loved.
However, progressive Christians believe God endorses gay marriages. Many gay Christians are now married to a husband.
So how do progressive Christians apply the Bible to their belief in gay marriages? They use the same verses the traditionalists use, but with a different interpretation! Progressives believe that the best possible person to interpret those few verses is Jesus. And indeed, Jesus does that exact thing!
In Matthew chapter 19:3, Jesus was approached by Pharisees and asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” Jesus then quoted Genesis 1:27 and 2:24. These are the same verses evangelicals use to support the marriage of one man-one woman! Here’s Jesus’ full statement.
“Haven’t you read that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ [Genesis 1:27] and said, ‘For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? [Genesis 2:24] So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
Jesus’ meaning is crystal clear: don’t get divorced once you are married. Progressives thus claim that the verses cited to oppose gay marriages have nothing to do with gay marriage. It’s all about divorce! Therefore, those men who enter a gay marriage should never divorce each other. And in fact, that has been the exact case for gay Christians in gay marriage. Many such men are faithful to their husbands. Furthermore, one report cites straight marriages as having twice the amount of divorces as gay marriages!
Progressives cite the same Genesis 2:18 verse to show that “It is not good for the man to be alone” and that men need a “suitable helper.” Gay Christians shout “Amen!” to that decree. Indeed, it is not good for a gay man to be without a suitable helper. And since gays are not attracted to women but only men, the suitable helper must only be another gay man!
Finally, progressives acknowledge the “divine blueprint” for relationships. Two people become attracted to each other. They date. They commit to marriage. They thrive in marital fidelity and permanence. This is God’s design for straights and gays alike.
Conclusion
For the life of me, I cannot understand all the fighting and hatred over gay marriages. Being gay is not a sin; rather, engaging in lusting over someone’s spouse or committing adultery is sinful. Acknowledging you are gay is not a sin; however, slandering someone is a sin. Falling in love with a man is not a sin, but divorce is frowned upon by Jesus. And, as I understand the Bible (explained above), entering into a gay marriage is not a sin.
I am someone who has been married to a wife for 41 years (she died of cancer five years ago) and is currently faithfully married to a man. I can attest firsthand that the divine blueprint for male relationships is real. And it applies when being in love with a woman; the same for being in gay marriage. Many gay Christians thrive in their gay marriages, and some of these men were previously married to a woman.
Despite the Bible’s endorsement of dyad marriages — plus the accounts of successful gay marriages — evangelicals appear to be prepared to have their “General Custer’s last stand.”
Why?
Why do evangelicals persist in falsely using the Bible as a weapon against gay marriages? Why do evangelicals make gay marriages a political football so that Republicans can be in office? Do evangelicals not realize that they are slandering and abusing real lives — real Christians who are deeply committed to Jesus?
So why all the fuss about gay marriages?
Dr. Mike Rosebush is the founder/author of GAYoda. He has a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology and is a retired Licensed Professional Counselor with nine years of counseling and mentoring thousands of gay Christian men. A short synopsis of Dr. Rosebush’s life can be found at I Lived the Most Unusual Gay Christian Life Ever. Please read the complete set of his articles here. You may contact Dr. Rosebush at mikerosebush75@gmail.com.
