May 2, 2022
Why Do LGBTQ Folks Want to be Christian?
Life lessons of a loving gay Christian
Recently, a reader of my Medium articles wanted to know the answer to the question posed in the title above. He invited me to write such an article. Well, here it is!
Before answering the question, let’s be sure we are on the same page regarding some vital definitions.
Christian: A person who is aligned with Jesus and intends to love all others in the way that Jesus does.
Christianity: A religion that consists of dogmas related to believing and behaving in accordance with Jesus’ thoughts and behaviors.
Evangelical: Someone who: publicly declares a commitment to Jesus, believes the Bible is inspired by God and is the only valid source of Truth, and proselytizes others into becoming a Christian or joining Christianity.
My Personhood
I am a Christian who deeply loves Jesus and wants to always be alongside Him. Thus, I try to provide everyone I encounter with Jesus’ style of love (selflessly providing merciful kindness and dignity). Many people tell me I lived the most unusual gay Christian life ever.
I am simultaneously also gay. I exclusively have physical and emotional attraction, plus homoerotic and homoromantic relations, with men.
I remain in Christianity, although I have significant differences in some dogma. For example, I do not believe everyone is born with original sin. Probably the only doctrine I absolutely uphold is that Jesus loves every human life equally, that He provides dignity to each person, and that Jesus welcomes anyone who wants to align with Him. I try to do the same.
For 40 years, I was an evangelical, but now I am an exvangelical. Specifically, I no longer believe the Bible is inerrant and the only reliable way of knowing Truth. For instance, now I think Truth is also obtained through personal experiences, cultural context, insights from the Holy Spirit, and science. I no longer proselytize people, and I abhor Systematic Theology and apologetics. My only “witness” to non-Christians is the love I intend to provide them.
Importantly, I cannot possess integrity and experience shalom if I hide my personhood or present in an authentic way (e.g., closeted or hypocritical). Thus, my personhood allows you to know and understand who I am.
And make no mistake, I am an LGBTQ folk who is a Christian.
Overview
But what makes people like me choose to remain a Christian — especially when many American evangelical Christians and non-Christian gays seem to hate me at times?
In order to answer, this article aims to satisfy two questions:
1. Why do gay Christians continue to stay Christian, despite the reality that many American evangelical Christians are so oppressive, unfair, hostile, and abusive toward LGBTQ folk?
2. Why would an LGBTQ individual want to become a Christian, despite the raging animus heaped upon them by Christianity and many American evangelical Christians?
Answers for Question 1
So, why do gay Christians continue to stay in the Christian religion when they are so commonly abused by many American traditionalists within the Christian Church?
The simple answer is that gay Christians have committed their lives over to Jesus. Such commitment endures forever. Gay Christians are “married” to Jesus — and will permanently be aligned with Him.
Abusive behaviors from many American evangelical Christians are not enough to detour the gay Christian away from the divinity and personhood of Jesus. But the abuses are many and grotesque. Here are only four of the abuses.
Abuse #1
Gays (and LGBTQ folks in general) are viewed as a “lesser than” by many American evangelical Christians.
Many straight American evangelicals suffer from both a superiority and entitlement complex. Many American evangelicals honestly believe they are a higher form of human when compared to someone who is LGBTQ. Thus, straights often consider gay Christians a disorder: a mental disorder, plus a disorder from God’s original design for humanity.
Furthermore, many American evangelicals regard gay Christians to be a deviancy. In such assessments, the LGBTQ person is not merely “different” and “lesser than.” Rather, the queer person is viewed as a threat to American culture and a reprobate. For example, the gay man is often labeled a sociopath — an unrepentant, hedonistic, carnally-controlled menace. Thus, many American evangelicals want to quarantine or expel gay men from society or punish them whenever they engage in homoerotic or homoromantic relationships.
Finally, some American evangelicals (typically those with a Pentecostal or spiritual healing belief) view LGBTQ people as demonic. The Pentecostal perspective is that demonic oppression is real and can be recognized by someone’s unwillingness or incapability to repent of long-standing personal sin. Within spiritual healing circles, experiencing same-sex attraction (a.k.a., SSA) is a sin — and a very powerful, controlling sin. Thus, the only cure for such oppression is prayer, laying on of hands, rebuking the demonic spirit, and experiencing a “slaying of the spirit.” And yet, none of these “healing” methods result in removing one’s SSA! Consequently, the queer person is viewed as not getting with the program and is usually shunned. Sigh.
Abuse #2
Inequality and lack of social justice are common malpractices against the LGBTQ individual. Very sadly, the people most likely to inflict such injustice are American evangelical Christians and those holding a traditionalist biblical worldview. In the past, gays were prevented from having jobs in the government (and famously, in the military), education, and television/movies. Gay men were barred from renting homes and showing affection in public. Golly, there are even efforts today to restrict people from using the word “gay.”
At present, gays are not provided equal opportunities within the Christian faith identities of: evangelical and Orthodox Protestant; Catholic Church; and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. As such, gays are not permitted to marry in a church within any of those denominations nor hold a leadership position. Shoot, gays cannot attend pre-marital workshops in all-too-many local Christian churches. And for those gay couples who were married in an affirming denomination, such people cannot participate in: the local church’s marriage enrichment workshops; parenting workshops; getting personally baptized; and getting their children baptized. Sheesh!
Abuse #3
Finally, the third abuse of LGBTQ individuals is “gaslighting” and physical abuse.
Gaslighting is when the LGBTQ person is continually provided emotional abuse intended to make the queer person believe s/he is at fault or even insane. I am aware of a mixed-orientation marriage in which the straight wife would post anti-gay Bible verses around the house. Furthermore, the straight wife would encourage the gay husband to get sexual orientation change efforts and to turn off the radio or television whenever a known gay character appeared. Furthermore, the straight wife would accuse the gay husband of being mentally ill or demonically oppressed. The goal of the straight wife was to make the gay husband feel so wrong and “broken” that he will simply “stop being gay.” Sad.
Regarding physical abuse, scores of LGBTQ individuals have been taunted, harassed, and physically assaulted. In the extreme, may we never forget that gay men were corralled into Nazi extermination camps — and once WWII ended, they were the only abused group never to receive reparations! Other forms of violence against gays include being pushed, hit, raped, and killed. I am aware of one example involving a gay teenager who was a custodian for the football team. The football players was held their classmate down and raped him with the back-end of his cleaning mop. The gay teenager was so distraught by the monstrous violence by his own classmates that he killed himself that weekend. Grrr!
So what are the options for the LGBTQ individual who is sold-out for Jesus but sick and tired of the antics from his denomination or local church?
The simple answer is to change your Christian denomination (and thus, change your local church affiliation). The evangelical and Orthodox Protestant denominations, the Catholic Church, and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints hold anti-gay policies. Most of these denominations and Churches say that they welcome LGBTQ people. However, these churches then engage in “bait-and-switch” tactics of getting you to become a member of that church — and only later inform you that you are not permitted the same privileges as the straight members.
There exist, however, mainline and non-denominational Protestant denominations, along with specifically gay denominations (e.g., the Metropolitan Community Church), plus universalist denominations, for the LGBTQ person to consider. Such denominations are “affirming” churches — meaning that they specifically affirm equal rights of LGBTQ individuals. In such denominations, they perform gay marriages and treat gays with the same privileges as straight and cisgender members.
Some LGBTQ individuals want to remain in their current non-affirming churches. Such could be because of familiarity or a desire to “change the church from within.” If you are such a person, I applaud your attempts to be a change agent for the better. Simultaneously, I empathize with the abuses that you will most naturally receive from such traditionalist churches.
Answers for Question 2
So, why would a non-Christian LGBTQ individual ever consider becoming a Christian, given his awareness of the raging abuses provided by some American evangelical Christians?
The simple answer is that the queer person is able to properly differentiate between the advantages of being united with Jesus versus the disadvantages of belonging to the Christianity religion.
The best way to speak of the advantages would be to share my own story.
At age 21, I had a “born again” experience, where I heard the “good news” about Jesus and subsequently committed my life over to Him. I courageously did not fully know what that would mean about my future, but I absolutely knew that I would never leave Jesus. I knew we were bonded as One: Jesus would never reject anyone who wanted to align with Him, and I was absolutely committed to staying in union with Jesus.
The following may sound trite (or evangelical drivel), but my life has never been the same. I believe that, as a direct consequence of aligning with Jesus, the Holy Spirit lives inside of me. The Spirit allows me to understand the mind of Jesus. The Spirit continually loves me, principally by bringing me encouragement. The Spirit providentially provides me with situations from which to learn experientially.
Jesus is love. And He is absolute love. Jesus continuously pours His merciful kindness and dignity upon me. And Jesus only asks one thing of me in return: He wants me to extend that kind of love to everyone I encounter. Certainly, I am expected to love my husband in Jesus’ way (i.e., with a committed, faithful love). And I am to provide my family members with such love. Naturally, I am to deliver Jesus’ selfless love to every LGBTQ person .
Finally, I am to provide the purest love possible to my enemies: those who malign and abuse me. In a very concrete way, I am to fully forgive every American evangelical Christian who has spoken badly about me, provided me with unfair opportunities, and who has abusively attacked me.
How is such forgiveness possible?
I love others because Jesus loved me first.
Dr. Mike Rosebush is the founder/author of GAYoda and writer for Backyard Church. He has a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology and is a retired Licensed Professional Counselor with nine years of counseling and mentoring thousands of gay Christian men. You can find a short synopsis of Dr. Rosebush’s life at I Lived the Most Unusual Gay Christian Life Ever. Please read the complete set of his articles here. You may contact Dr. Rosebush at mikerosebush75@gmail.com.
