I See Gay People

If you Google “being authentic in the workplace” you will get over 100 million results. It is clear from just scrolling through just a few pages of the search that many of the articles and resources dedicated to this topic are current and relevant. We all want to be comfortable in the workplace. Being comfortable with who you are promotes better work and team dynamics.

The question is always how much is too much? Respecting personal lives in the workplace is an important topic, and with the growing focus on diversity and inclusion in the workplace, the line between professional and personal seems to be ever more blurred.

GOOD INTENTIONS

Equality is a critical topic for all of us. For the workplace specifically, obtaining true equality requires knowing who your workforce is. Identifying, whether through self-identification or observation, is one of the key metrics to measuring equality. With the rise of diversity and inclusion (D&I) in the workplace, the mission is clear; establish and expand a workplace that embraces diversity and promotes inclusion for all. This task is only obtainable if people are engaged and willing to identify. Identification comes in such a wide variety (LGBTQ, women, African-America, Veterans, Millenials, Latin/Hispanic, Allies, etc.) that the choices a company makes in building programs for each are challenging. In turn, the acceptance and participation of employees to identify can be overwhelming and confusing.

The assumed expectation of D&I programming is that employees are willing and secure in identifying and participating in Employee Resource Groups (ERG). The intention of an ERG is to promote and respect our various identities; therefore the assumption that such a program will result in willing participants is a false expectation. There are several reasons an employee may or may not participate in an ERG. These range from the time they have to commit to the privacy they want to keep. We all have identities we choose to share in different environments; single mothers, military veterans, mixed-raced individuals, LGBTQ, the list is extensive. Some of these may be visible, and others require a constant “coming out” of identification (the identity is not apparent).

For the LGBTQ community, coming out is a much more personal matter. We are either sharing our sexual preferences (LGB) or our gender identification (Cisgender/Transgender). This particular identification requires an environment that is not only well educated but also ready to respect those not willing to identify. This dichotomy in participation challenges the overall objectives of D&I in the workplace.

WHY COME OUT?

In my career, I have primarily felt safe with being my authentic self and identifying as a gay man. This is due to many factors, part of which is because I work in a very liberal state (California) and I have an outgoing personality that is confident in who I am. For many people, where they work, who they work with, and their personalities are some of the many factors as to why they may or may not choose to come out at work as LGBT. Many employees even ask the questions as to why it is relevant to identify as LGBT? How does that help their work?

Answering these questions alone can be a book of its own (and there are many out there already on this topic), but in summary, the importance of coming out as LGBT is just as relevant as any employee identifying as a parent, or a woman, or any other identity. By choosing to identify we express our need to relate to others and to receive respect for our needs. As a parent, we all know the need for a company to provide specific benefits (medical, time off, etc.) to care for a family. As an LGBT individual, we have medical and other benefit expectations, but we also seek social acceptance. The ability to speak freely about our partners, activities and gender preferences. These preferences are different for each person; therefore, for some, it is much more important to be “out” at work than others. The value of having a safe space at work for LGBTQ employees to have this choice is enormous. It reflects on the company’s investment in their employees and participation in the broader social equality movement.

When an employee asks me why they should come out, I ask them why not. I want them to understand that by coming out they are choosing to be their authentic selves, to feel comfortable being human. That is all. I explain further that coming out does not need to be a detailed account of your spouse or your weekend activity. Coming out is only as “out” as they want to be, just like any person with children. A parent may proudly say they have two children but can choose not to share details about their children or their family activities. It is a personal choice to how much information we want to share, what is professional conversations versus casual conversations (which does have a place at work) and with whom we choose to share this information.

WHO IS COMING OUT?

Over my career, I have seen a rising tide of LGBTQ employees coming out. From all parts of the country and globally. We see it constantly on social media and the news. The desire to be out and respected is as valid in the workplace as it is in general society.

I have worked with employees from every spectrum of the coming out process; from entirely closeted to those ready to be an out leader with our LGBTQ from day one of their employment. I have observed that the reason why people are at any point of this out spectrum is based on what perceived value the employee see’s in being out. How does it help their work or career? Does it matter if their boss knows? Will it impact future promotion opportunities?

The answer to these questions is different for each of us. This is a perceived value with no certainties, but a company can increase the value of coming out by celebrating the coming out process. Whether this is through an LGBTQ safe space program or by merely featuring executives and other company leaders that are out, a company can promote a positive and safe environment for an employee to be out, and to what degree they choose to be out. Raising the value of being out is achieved by raising the visibility of those that are out.

WHEN IS IT SAFE TO COME OUT?

The question of safety in the workplace is more than just physical safety; it is a question of emotional and career security as well. All these safety factors need to be addressed for a company to foster an environment of coming out and sharing. There are several actions a company can do to achieve this.

• Establish Inclusive HR Policies — Find out what the company policies are on discrimination and resources to support employees if they are a victim of discrimination. Ensure they include sexual orientation and gender identification.
• Establish an LGBTQA Employee Resource Group — Empowering employees to be a part of the discussion and leadership in LGBTQA activities and policies raises the value of coming out immensely.
• Establish an LGBTQ Safe Space Program — This goes beyond an ERG as it specifies even further the “rules of engagement” and expectations of employees that choose to participate and how they identify. Usually, an ERG will have general members (not identified as LGBTQA specifically), but with Safe Space Program you can provide the next step in self-identification. We will discuss Safe Space Programs in more detail in a future blog.
• Publicly Feature LGBT Leaders — I think we all remember when Steve Jobs of Apple came out as gay. Though many executives in other companies had been out of the closet before him, the level of global visibility he had was immense. The conversation of out LGBTQ executives and the inspiration they can provide LGBTQ employees has spread like wildfire across the globe, encouraging other LGBTQ executives to do the same.

I SEE GAY PEOPLE?

The final question to answer, which I do get a lot, is what do I do if I know someone is LGBTQ but not out? The answer is simple; Don’t out them. It is not your responsibility to approach them directly or coerce them. Instead, consider the “welcome” approach that fosters a safe and inclusive environment for LGBTQ employees. You can make a difference by showing your support to your company’s LGBTQ policies, activities, and ERGs. These actions will visibly show your support, and ultimately those wanting to reach out and come out will approach you. Don’t force it. Inspire it!