The Importance of Forging Real Relationships at Work
A little less talk, a little more conversation, please.
When is the last time that you had a real conversation with a work colleague? No, this does not include your most recent round of small talk in the kitchenette over the latest weather spell; but rather the last genuine, down-to-earth exchange you had over something that truly matters to you on a personal level? Maybe it’s been a while, or maybe it’s something you’d rather avoid- even the thought makes you a little uncomfortable. This is all totally understandable. Many of us view our work relationships as just that. We prefer to maintain our work and social lives as two entirely separate realms. This is not necessarily our fault; we have been raised in a society which tends to view socializing as counteractive to productivity. Accordingly, socializing at the workplace is generally frowned upon, and there is an underlying stigma about having your work-mates become real friends.
You may really ‘click’ with your cube neighbor, but asking them to join you for tacos after work or friending them on FB/following them on IG would feel a little weird, right!? Like you were crossing some kind of forbidden work/life boundary line.
However, although this may be a well-established societal norm; there is also a growing movement that is questioning whether this is the best approach for ourselves as well as those around us; and holds that we may gain more from re-evaluating and strengthening our relationships at work. Beyond the workplace, there is growing evidence that points to the importance of social interactions; maintaining friendships and a sense of community belonging as key factors associated with greater happiness, general well-being and increased longevity.
The Science: Strong Relationships Linked to Happier & Longer Lives.
In July 1988, a provocative Science paper by House and colleagues proposed a causal association between social relationships and mortality, based on the review of five large prospective studies. Now, more than two decades after House et al’s seminal review, a generation of research validates their conclusion: our social relationships, in and of themselves, can have an impact on our mortality.
“Social relationships, or the relative lack thereof, constitute a major risk factor for health — rivaling the effect of well established health risk factors such as cigarette smoking, blood pressure, blood lipids, obesity and physical activity.” — House, Landis and Umberson; Science 1988.
Similar findings were also reported in the Grant Study, one of the world’s longest studies of adult life, conducted by Harvard researchers. This extensive longitudinal study was launched in 1938 with the objective of tracking the health (both mental and physical aspects) of 268 Harvard sophomores over the course of their lives, in order to gain insight into what factors could be contributing to a healthy and happy life. The study was subsequently expanded to include the men’s wives and children (women were not in the original study as Harvard was all male at the time). It was also broadened so as to include general findings related to participants’ lives; such as success or failure in career or marriage. Though not a finding anticipated by the researchers; the results pointed to a strong association of relationships and how happy subjects were in their relationships with their overall health.
“When the study began, nobody cared about empathy or attachment. But the key to healthy aging is relationships, relationships, relationships.” -Dr. George Valliant, Grant Study Director- 1972–2004.
When reviewing the wealth of data; including numerous medical records, in-person interviews and questionnaires, researchers observed a strong correlation between the quality of men’s lives and their relationships with family, friends and the community.
Close relationships were found to be protective, helped delay mental and physical deterioration and were better predictors of long, happy lives than social class, IQ and even genetics.
For example, there was evidence that at age 50, people’s level of satisfaction with their relationships could better predict their physical health than their cholesterol level. Those study participants who maintained warm relationships lived longer and happier, while those leading more isolated lives died earlier.
“Loneliness kills. It’s as powerful as smoking or alcoholism.” -Dr. Robert Waldinger, (4th and current Grant Study Director).
In line with the Grant findings, and even closer to home, a Canadian study conducted by Dr. John Helliwell and PhD Candidate Hugh Shiplett, both of the University of British Columbia along with Dr. Christopher Barrington-Leigh of McGill University reported that after examining the extent of life satisfaction in over 1200 Canadian neighbourhoods, the most important factor driving overall happiness was a sense of community belonging. The researchers observed that rural areas tended to be happier compared to their urban counterparts, despite having relatively lower incomes. Similarly, the top 20 percent of happy neighborhoods didn’t vary significantly from the bottom 20 percent of neighborhoods in terms of household incomes or unemployment rates, however there was a difference in terms of how strong an attachment people felt to their community.
Interestingly, at the level of daily social interactions, there is evidence that that engaging regularly in deeper, high-quality conversations is linked with greater happiness. One recent study by Milek et al. examined the random daily social interactions of a diverse population of close to 500 participants by having them wear recording devices in their ears. Based on self-reporting, those participants who spent more time interacting and having more meaningful, substantive conversations were more satisfied with their lives. Furthermore, this was found to be irrespective of personality types, holding true for extroverts and introverts alike.
“The happy life is social, rather than solitary, and meaningfully so.” — Dr. Matthias Mehl, study co-author.
Translating Happiness Research into the Workplace
These studies, along with others, comprise a compelling body of research and may inspire us to take a moment to reflect on our day-to-day lives and the extent of socializing we do on a regular basis. Many of us are deadlocked in routine, working hard all day, isolated in our cubicles, coming home to take care of kids/pets with little time or energy for much else beyond Netflix. Social media may give us the feeling of being connected, but there is accumulating evidence which indicates that in fact, it is making us much less so.
At the same time, we should also consider the fact that we spend the majority of each week day closely surrounded by other people, many of whom we have or will know for years to come. Therefore, rather than shying away from interactions and burying ourselves in our work, why not take this opportunity for what it is- a chance to reach out and get to know each other; to be a part and contribute to the greater work community; to engage in real conversations, and make some truly meaningful connections?
A Risk Worth Taking
So, the next time you spot your cube neighbour sitting by themselves eating their lunch, or you find yourself cornered by a co-worker at the starting of the week, exchanging habitual lines about that case of “the Mondays,” why not throw them a curve ball, and open up?! Try sharing something real. It stands to reason that in taking that leap, you both have a lot to gain.*
There are many other additional benefits to engaging more with your co-workers, such as decreased stress. To learn more about managing stress at the workplace and other measures that can improve workplace well-being, please stay tuned for upcoming blogs in this series.
The Deputy Ministers Task Force on Public Sector Innovation, mandated to play an action-oriented role in experimenting with emerging tools and approaches, has identified workplace well-being as a key priority project for the Government of Canada Entrepreneurs. With the support of the Task Force, GC Entrepreneurs are exploring how technology-based solutions can be used to promote workplace well-being. Learn more
