The dangers of startup bullshit

Based on the seven years I’ve been a founder, I’d like to share my experiences of startup bullshit and practically, how we can avoid it. Because unfortunately, we’re all exposed to it to some degree or another.

Startup bullshit: the dangerous elephant in the room

What is startup bullshit? It is deception in various forms such as lies of omission, exaggeration, minimization or just presenting facts in a way that gives the listener an inaccurate picture of how your startup is actually doing. It’s shared in a number of ways including conversations with other startup folks, the tech press, self-styled startup gurus, and even the lies you tell yourself. But it all comes at a price.

In this post, I’d like to talk specifically about bullshit from peers — what gets shared between startups. As an example, the following (fictional) dialogue is all too common at startup conferences.

Founder A: “Hey man — good to see you here. How’re things going at ABC?”

Founder B: “Good to be here. We’re doing great! Just launched a new feature and closed a Series B with XYZ investors.”

Founder A: “Wow, congrats — sounds like you’re crushing it.”

Believing or sometimes even exposing yourself to bullshit is an insidious trap. At its heart, it makes you second guess yourself and take your eye off the only thing that actually matters: focusing relentlessly on knowing your customers and delivering something truly valuable to them. In my experience, anything that distracts you from this is dangerous for your sanity and the future of your business. Avoid it at all costs.

Telling the whole story

What happened the last time you bumped into another startup founder at a conference or coffee shop? I’ve found it’s rare people are truly honest up front. It’s easier to say “we just closed a large series A” or “we landed marquee client X.”

It’s much harder to say “we just closed a large series A and now I’m struggling with how I’m going to meet the expectations of our team and investors” or “we landed marquee client X but lost valuable customers Y & Z.”

I almost never hear “we just can’t seem to get the sort of traction we need to survive and I’m worried that time is running out.” These are effectively lies of omission. It’s not that founders don’t have good news to share, but that’s only half the story. What’s being omitted is equally important.

In situations like these, it’s easy for both parties to leave the conversation thinking they’re the only one struggling with tough problems on a daily basis. Those (untrue) thoughts can eat away at you.

On a few occasions over the past seven years, I’ve heard other founders tell me they are “crushing it” and gladly give me a long list of wins only to watch their startup close shop a few months later.

To be clear, I don’t believe these sorts of discussions come from a place of malice or an attempt to deliberately deceive. As founders, we necessarily have to imagine something that doesn’t exist yet. We need to convince others to join us in creating that not-yet-realized vision. We need to believe it’s possible.

But it’s all too easy to fall into a routine where you’re always pitching a bright tomorrow whether to existing or prospective employees, investors or friends and family.

Being resilient without distorting the truth

As a founder, you absolutely need to be resilient to setbacks. That resilience helps you bounce back with renewed vigor to tackle problems in a new way. I’ve found that actively nurturing resilience — bouncing back again and again — is one of the best things I can practice to maximize our chances of survival.

The problem comes when we distort the truth about our current situation (warts and all) to believe the lies of omission we tell others and ourselves. Deception is harmful both to us and others. It increases the feelings of isolation and imposter syndrome, and feeds the lie that you’re the only one who is struggling with the basics.

Avoiding the bullshit

So how can you avoid this sort of bullshit?

First, know that every startup struggles to the point of disenchantment. You’re not alone in feeling like this despite what you may hear from others.

Second, I’ve found that actively talking about what I’m struggling with puts others at ease and, in return, makes them more likely to reciprocate in kind. I’m not suggesting you bare your soul to every stranger that asks how things are going. In my experience, leading with a non-sugar-coated answer to how things are going allows the conversation to feel more real.

Whenever I’m asked about how things are going, I typically lead with something like, “We’re having good days and bad days.” I find this helps people to drop their guard a little and folks often immediately respond with an acknowledgement that they understand what I mean. I might follow up with something like, “On one hand we’re working on some great stuff that customers are responding well to. On the bad side, last month’s revenues weren’t what we had predicted and I can’t seem to figure out why yet.”

In the best case, I feel like I have something off my chest and the other party might even have some suggestions on how to tackle a given problem. In the worst case, at least I know I’m not contributing another shovelful of bullshit on the already steaming mound.

Now you might find it difficult to do at first — perhaps fearful of negative repercussions. After all, it’s entirely feasible that somebody could use this information to talk down your startup behind your back (in fact, I know of at least one case where this has happened to me). But I’m happy to pay the price of honesty. Those who want to talk you down, will, regardless of reality. Although I believe most people won’t, and it’s a small price to pay for the benefit I derive.

Better conversations

I used to feel paranoid that I was the only one struggling, but now when I hear others talking about “crushing it” I mentally roll my eyes.

By being honest, we have a better quality of conversation, I feel like I’m being truer to myself, and it helps me filter out the noise. Anything above and beyond that is a bonus. To me, the ability to have a great conversation with someone who has been or is in the same boat is the best part of eliminating startup bullshit because those opportunities are fairly rare.

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