№ 48-on satisfaction

i scrutinize my every action
when i’m around you

i suck in my stomach
i try to walk like a supermodel
i tense and never complain

i hold my head high
even when the world
inside me
is collapsing

the second i stop being perfect
you will lose interest

i am only worthwhile
as a distraction
a pin up girl to walk around with
to show off

i am not a long term commitment

if i am not good enough
i will be replaced
like a part that doesn’t work quite right

because as much as i smile to myself
and convince myself i’m fine
it’s a lonely moment
when i realize that i am not

my teeth aren’t white enough
my legs not thin enough
my skin not clear enough

i
as a soul
am not
enough.