Aphasic Heteronym
“Who speaks for the speaker?”
Word salad. Everyone a poet. But use the correct fork.
Sometimes you’re the road, sometimes the weary sign.
Woke up craving attention again. The cat was unimpressed.
Pay no attention to my browsing history. I’m a writer, not a serial killer.
Truth is, I can’t stomach cereal. Nor would I ever kill her.
Women never want much, only everything you are or will be or can’t.
He said he would stuff my taco unlike any man before him,
and boy did he! So full! I’ve always wanted a man who could cook.
Some day’s, you just know that the jail time was worth it.
Dementor Support Group meets Thursday evening at Starbucks.
Cows who give milk for free only meet lecherous farmers.
Australia’s Oldest Man Knits Tiny Sweaters For Injured Penguins.
Relearn the dying art of thinking before you fucking speak.
I scream. You scream. We cum. Police come. Awkward.
Jumpin’ jizzimy Jehoshaphat. Sticky patrol cars. Safety catches.
Thought it was a loofah but it turned out to be steel wool.
A few moments of pleasure. A full year of skin grafts.
Onan’s Handy Man Service. No job too small. Try it.
Sixty is the new 40? Try getting your penis to believe that.
Often lost but never alone. Handy to have a hand handy. True love.
You meet the love of your life and find out she puts ketchup on pizza.
I never flirt with danger, but danger just keeps on insisting.
Life hits like a girl. Thing is, like a girl that hits really hard.
She almost put on panties today, it was a clothes call.
He lost me at: Forgot the safe word? Excellent! Here we go.
Her ad slogan: your greatest satisfaction, awakening my passion.
She dumped me because I just stood there with my moves busted.
Watching Internet sex is like masturbating without arms.
I bet that pride of yours doesn’t enjoy snuggling like I do.
Sobriety, never as delicious as an exquisite bad lifestyle buffet.
Ask your doctor before beginning the heroin and whiskey diet,
side effects may include delirium, sudden smiling, and death.
You don’t have to be desperately lonely to tweet, but it helps.
Yep. Something is happening. But you won’t know what it is.
The only fact is that you’ll never understand anything at all.
Vomit anything you like. After all, only everyone will see it.
Sleep children. Sweet Dreams. Dreams of angry cassowaries.
Sweet, sweet, sweet poison. Kick out the jambs. Dreams.
Nanny will be here to sweep up the pieces in the morning.
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