Saving yourself? Enjoying yourself? | Seer. | Tell your story.

(Image source: annemoss.com)

Are you enjoying yourself while you save yourself?

Eat right. Work more. And the scariest: Be creative. Yeah, step deep down into the wilderness of your mind and scratch your head and squeeze your soul to put something out. Oh man. Does it seem like an uphill climb?

Why can’t it be more like an amusement park? Have your cake and eat it too(literally). Style isn’t work. Everything’s a fun game. ‘Skills’ are in fact just different rides you take to soak in the experience. It isn’t so atomized, so laborious. It doesn’t feel like an imperative nightmare. You don’t need to escape it. It is the escape. The destination. The song. The movie. The story.

Is it doable?

Why isn’t this self-growth thing more fun? Why does it feel like work? Or are we doing this wrong?

What if, it’s something in our minds? As if it is already the fun ride but your’e sprinting too much?

As if it’s the song but you’re not humming along?

The story that you aren’t listening to?

Is it easy to take it easy? Maybe it seems hard because we treat it as such. We’re not having fun with our lives, our purpose. Not everyone gets this luxury, but we’re treating it like brats.

Or maybe hell shows us it’s different faces in a variety of ways. Sometimes it’s outright hostility. Sometimes it’s deep and cold isolation. Where nothing happens, good or bad. Where you’re stranded. You feel guilty for not feeling thankful. You’re too young, but too old. Maybe that’s what one of the spare rooms in hell looks like, you’re in it, and there’s very little you can do.

Thinking alone, then, may not change it. Sometimes, doing might. You scratch the walls of your mind, try, desperately, to crawl out into this new cool neighborhood, an upgrade from your past, where you come from, where they say you’re headed, and it’s safe, but looks like instant death. You are trying to save yourself from the hell of your mind, and your promised life, which you don’t like. You need a new promise. Better hopes. Better things to value. Different people. New tongues. You hear “you’re out of your mind” in the distance, but then, that’s exactly the point. Being sane was never my friend, if that’s your definition.

You’re grateful for this tiny little ghetto you have occupied for years. Indeed, it has given you comfort, a degree of freedom, and never let you go hungry. But it’s fallen short.

It has taken you places, but never let you soak them in.

It has fed you, but in a way that let you sabotage yourself.

It has kept you isolated, either intentionally or unintentionally, and the years have worn you out.

Yes, things may happen for a reason, and in the end, we are all better off, but not quite there, and here’s the next push. So you climb again.

This process certainly seems like an uphill climb. You’re fighting for meaning and connection. Not easy to come by.

And yet, there are things you’re missing. This uphill climb might as well be a hiking trip you’re making alone, where you might meet some interesting fellow hikers. Maybe an exclusive hiking companion, who knows? Enjoying the process maybe easier than one might think. There’s beautiful scenery around, and learning is just playing. It’s all about perspective.

Are you getting better as you go? Or just wearing yourself out? Are you doing it for the sake of it? Or as a part of life?

So many questions, that I alone cannot answer.

Got your own story? Feel free to sign up and share it on ‘Your Blog.’ The best ones get featured on the home page. Regular contributors get featured. Check out more content here.

Originally published at www.seermag.com on October 24, 2018.